A
female
age
30-35,
*lawndie
writes:Hi I have been dating my current bf for a year and 8 months.. He's had more of a past with girls than I have (I was a virgin), he's done it with 6 girls. I ask him questions about his past experiences but he doesn't like to answer them and gets really uncomfortable. I ask him details like what kind of other things he's done with girls (other than sex) but he hates answering, he calls me a creep for asking him questions and he thinks it's really weird. i just feel better knowing details than not knowing anything at all. i ask him how many times he did it with certain girls, and his experience with them.. he gets really awkward and doesn't answer, i don't really care about the answer like it's not going to make me mad and i don't understand why he gets so defensive and closed off when i begin to askso is it weird that im asking him these questions? how much is too much info? why does he keep getting so creeped out?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): I knew my boyfriend for years before we ever started dating, we were so close I was like one of the guys at times. He'd call me in the middle of the night to tell me about the sex he just had, or the bj he got from the girl he was just on a date with. Over the years he's discussed everything with me from all his sexual relations with every girl to his emotional insecurities and everything in between. I know everything. Trust me you don't want to know all the nitty gritty details. I understand where you're coming from, you're curious and want to know what his relationship with them was like. But in the end it's only going to bother you, even if you don't think it will. This is his past and it needs to be his past, leave it alone and let it be. There are only a few things you need to know, how many sexual partners he had (although that can be debated as well) and if he's had any STD's, besides that it's his life and he has the right not to tell you. You're only going to cause problems and continue to upset him if you keep pushing. Just let it be, the past is the past.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): You're walking a dangerous line here... and need to determine what info you really want and need.
It may be in HOW you're asking the question...
If you're saying "how many of your ex's did you have anal sex with? How many liked it? Which ones? Did they come? How many times did you do it? Who liked what positions?... too much detail - too personal!
Asking the same general question...
Have you ever had anal sex? Did you enjoy it? Did she? (don't ask who she is!) Are you open to trying it with me? How would we go about doing it?
Those are general... no specific info on the past...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): I don't think you are weird to ask those questions, but I also don't think he is wrong for not wanting to answer them. Some people don't mind talking about previous sexual experiences. But some people like to keep things more private, and would rather not discuss what they got up to with other people in the past. It sounds like he is like that. It might be personal to him, or maybe he just simply does not want to think about his past.
Is there any particular reason why you want to know details like that? Is it really so important? If he is really uncomfortable answering questions like that, I think it might be better if you stopped asking. He obviously doesn't want to talk about his sexual history, so to keep asking might create friction in the relationship. If there is a reason why it is very important for you to know, then maybe you could explain it to him. But otherwise, I think it might be best to try and leave it. It is the past anyway, and it doesn't matter now. What you two have is a unique relationship, and it cannot be compared to his previous partners, because every relationship is different. What matters is what you have together now.
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