A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this guy for a few weeks now, he's stayed at my place once and me at his three times. We met online and he gave me his number and suggested we meet up. He said he was excited but nervous to meet, and when we finally did, it couldn't have gone better. He text me afterwards and said he really liked me and would be keen to hang out again. We planned for me to go to his place and watch a movie we'd talked about and I ended up staying the night. We didn't have sex but we shared a bed and cuddled and kissed. He was really affectionate and sweet and the next day he kissed me goodbye and text me pretty much as soon as I walked out the door. From then on he sent me sweet texts "can't wait to see your gorgeous face again," "I'm not letting you go..." until last weekend when I went away for a few days. He barely text me, and then when I came back we planned to hang out, but he text me to ask where I saw us going relationship-wise. He said he was only recently out of a long-term relationship and isn't looking to start a new one right now but hoped that we could stay friends, and we still do our sleepovers and stuff. We still haven't had sex, I'm a virgin, and I wonder if that has anything to do with it? He was still cool for about a week after I told him, but since that weekend that I went away he has hardly text me, and even though was insistent we stay friends and keep hanging out, hasn't made any moves to do so.This weekend I went to his place to watch a movie, he said I couldn't stay the night as he had an early morning, but as it got later he changed his mind. We still kissed and cuddled, but he seemed less affectionate this time. He is also no longer sending me kisses with goodnight texts. I'm just a little confused. I don't feel like he's using me because we're not having sex, and initially I thought maybe he missed me while I was away but then freaked because he isn't ready to commit to anything and doesn't want feelings yet. But if he's genuinely not interested, I'd rather know so I can spare myself the heartbreak.He knows that I like him, and he said he really likes me too, and that he wouldn't have said so if he didn't mean it. So where do I stand? What can I do? Should I just give up altogether? Or just give him some space to work out where he's at? I've never been in a relationship before, and I've never had a friendship like this, so I'm struggling to work things out and it's making me stressed!!
View related questions:
met online, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): OP here. Thanks for your help thus far, ladies. It's good to get differing points of view. I think the thing that initially threw me was that he was all kisses and flirting before I went away for the weekend, and then when I got back it was like he was someone else altogether. I want to ask him about it (because his attitude toward me seemed to completely change over those few days!) but at the same time I don't know how to bring it up, or even if I want to hear the answer. And maybe because he hasn't offered any information, maybe he's not ready to share?I'm happy with where we're at now, although I'm worried I may come across as overbearing sometimes and that it'll scare him off. I guess my hope is that one day soon he'll decide he is ready for something more than our interesting take on friendship, and then I'll be able to breathe a sigh of relief that I didn't scare him off. Until then. I'm trying my best to give him a bit of space for now, letting him be the first to get in touch. Now I'm just concerned he'll forget about me, or think I've lost interest altogether.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 December 2012):
 That's not so mysterious, he told you where you stand and what you can expect for him. It's not that " he is not interested ", he is interested up to a very precise extent, which includes the occasional sleepover, cuddling fondling and, I suppose, other non- penetrative intimacy, and nothing more, but excludes the committments and limitations of a real relationship. In other words, he wants to keep it casual, and, case in point, not to be tied to a specific number of communications or signature kisses or regular dates.
What you do, it depends from your expectations. If you are OK with keeping things sensual, affectionate yet not relationshipy, why not, since he is not pressuring you for sex. If you want a relationship, you won't have it from him and he told you clearly in words and actions.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ilha  +, writes (24 December 2012):
Dear OP,1. Please take a deep breath and relax. 2. He likes you enough to not have force you to have sex with him --- means he respects you.3. He has just broke off from a long term relationship, he needs space. (maybe he is afraid that you are just a rebound relationship at the moment)4. This is the hard part now --- what is your gut feeling telling you? Instincts are never wrong... it is God's small ways of helping us make the right decision.5. This is the hard part to do --- you need to take a break from him and do stuff of your own. Tell him when he is ready to have a relationship with you, he knows where to find you. 6. You are still young, go out and have fun, have dates with other guys. If this guy is meant for you, he will be back!!!7. I know and understand that is hard to just leave when emotions are involved, believe me I do... it is a struggle... but you will succeed. Have faith!!!Good luck my dear and be strong!!! Keep us posted!!!
...............................
|
