A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend since Nov 2005. We currently live together. Last week I found out he was looking at pics of his ex on the internet. She's on this website modeling in the nude. Thing is we had loads of problems with him before chatting with other women etc, and i've told him how much this hurts me. I also caught him looking at this website with his ex, nov 2005 and feb 2006. On all occassions he promised to stop etc. And the thing with his ex, he was just curious. This last time, he said as soon as he went on the website he realised what he was doing and closed it down and that he was a bit drunk etc. But now he has been deleting the history. We've had loads of arguments since. Me crying and telling him how hard it is to build myself up again after being shattered like that. I ask him if he has something to hide, as to deleting the history and i just get anger from him and it makes me ever angrier. I feel so inferior and unsexy. Now next weekend he is going to a party, there will be drugs etc and i am afraid what if he gets high and then what if an attractive girl is there etc Basically paranoia. I dont like those parties, so I dont wanna go, do I just go to keep an eye on him? He says i'm creating my own problems by bringing up these things. I feel like I am going crazy and I just dont know what to do anymore. I'm also in a country where I have no family, and few friends. So do I just pack up and go home. I feel so overwhelmed and confused and frustrated. Not mention hurt and lost. I just dont know where to go for help anymore and what to do about us. i really do love him and I think he does too, but we have these underlying problems that i wonder, will they ever end.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (21 May 2007):
 He's doing the classic bait and switch. He's trying to take the blame and turn it on you. I've been the victim of this many times. The person cheats or looks at pictures of their ex, and then blames you. It's not worth hanging around. If he wants his ex, then you should ditch him and find someone that only wants you. A lot of guys I know look at porn while dating, but are respectful enough not to keep pictures of ANY KIND that include exes around.
You deserve better, and he's not it.
Best wishes,
DV1
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