A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Sorry to ask such a banal question but I'm confused and don't know what to do. I have little experience of (healthy) dating and relationships so I would appreciate some advice.I met a guy a couple of weeks ago, we clicked, met for coffee and then had a proper date last weekend. He was keen, nice and seemed like a straightforward kind of guy. He kissed me towards the end and texted the following day to tell me he'd had a wonderful time. We texted a little bit that day, which he initiated, and a little bit yesterday, which I initiated, but apart from that we haven't had any contact and I feel a bit disappointed, as I felt like we had good chemistry. I'd like to ask him out for this coming weekend to try to get to know him better but don't know if I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. I'm not into playing games and dating rules, like that it has to be the guy making all the moves, or having to wait for a certain amount of time before contacting someone. If I like a guy, I want to be able to text him if I want, or to ask him out. At the same time, my gut (and trawling through internet forums) tells me that if he's not calling, he's not interested. He might be dating other girls, or he might have realised during our date that I wasn't right for him. I've made a fool of myself enough times with other guys in the past, and don't want to put myself through the pain and humiliation of rejection again. But it also feels silly to just give up without even trying to find out what's going on. Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2014): I personally think that there is nothing wrong with inviting a guy, BUT I would never do it myself. Though dating changed tremendously, guys still remain guys. They like when they are after a girl. They loose interest when a girl is readily available. I think especially in initial stages let him do all the work with calling and initiating dates, and then when you get more comfortable with him, then you invite him. Also, don't panic that much. The fact that he called you and told you he had a great time tells me that he has good manners. You just texted with him yesterday. Today is only Thursday. He is giving you a bit of space, it's a good sign also. My husband when we started dating and actually had sex on a 4th week, didn't call me the whole week after that, made me go mad and wonder all week what happened. When he finally showed up, he said his mother was in town, and he wants to introduce me to her. After introduction, he proposed to me, and we got married 10 months later. Don't panic, your previous experiences are the past, you can't dwell on it, that's why all these guys are left in a past.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (6 March 2014):
 You need to learn to chill a little.
You write *****
I've made a fool of myself enough times with other guys in the past, and don't want to put myself through the pain and humiliation of rejection again. **********
There is nothing HUMILIATING about going on a date or 3 and decide he/she isn't for you. It's not rejection (as in YOU are not good enough) not having more dates just mean you didn't click, it HAPPENS.
Maybe you need to stop having crazy high expectation to the outcome of a date, TRY and go out with a guy having a fun night out in mind. Take some of the pressure of yourself AND the guy.
And why not call him and ask him out? If he says no, thanks YOU can move on and upwards.
RELAX.
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A
male
reader, Levsn  +, writes (6 March 2014):
Contact him and ask for another date, it's that simple. If he says "no thanks", then you can be for sure that he isn't in to you and can forget about him and lay your mind at rest. It's not always the guys job to initiate everything. If my date would require me to initiate everything, from a date to a conversation, I would just say thanks and break of contact.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers, guys. You gave me just what I needed - some perspective! I'm sitting here, panicking and expecting the worst based on my past experiences, which he has nothing to do with, and basically planning to give up without even trying. I think I've been a bit brainwashed by this whole "He's just not that into you"-business, despite saying, and maintaining, that I disagree with dating rules. I will relax, ask him out, and take things as they come. Thanks again. I'll let you know what he says.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2014): After a couple of dates and a few text messages you can't just give up.
He may be waiting to see if you're interested enough to initiate setting up a date, or inviting him over. What are the odds? Nothing ventured nothing gained. Either he is interested and waiting to see if you are, or he's not.
One way to know for sure. Ask him out. It has only been a few weeks and rejection will not hurt that bad. You've got to have a tough skin to survive dating. You can't take rejection personally. Learn to absorb the shock. Only the strong survive, my dear.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 March 2014):
You need to relax a bit,and just step back. You've met for a coffee, you've been on another 'proper' date (so that's two dates), and you've texted and he's texted. It's all right. Don't panic. Instead, just ask him out for another date this weekend as per your plan. It's too soon to know what he's thinking, but at the same time it would be a shame not to know where it could go.
Take the chance and ask him out.
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