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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I'm just wondering what people think about long term relationships between people of different religions? Can it ever work? I'm in a relationship (almost a year and a half) with a lovely guy and we are very much in love and spend all our time together, but he is Catholic and I am what I guess you would call Agnostic. I would certainly not be considering becoming a catholic, and would not really want my children raised that way either. He is certainly not a devout Catholic, and infact very rarely mentions anything to do with religion, and only goes to church at xmas - but still it worries me that ultimately we will want different things and there may be problems later down the line (ie. marriage, chistening etc!)I have been thinking about this alot lately, as recently a couple I know, who are perfect for each other, have broken up because he is Jewish and she is not. He told her he cannot ever marry her because of his beliefs, despite them being in love...Anyway, I'd really appreciate your thoughts please guys? Thanks alot x Reply to this Question
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male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (29 November 2007):
One thing is for sure,one of you has to "bend" and the chances are that it's you who'll have to do the bending.I'm mormon and my girlfriend's catholic.She's agreed to join me before we get married.Unless your man isn't insistent,you have nothing to worry about except the children as he may like them to grow up catholic.Talk to him and let him know what you expect from him and what you don't before you even get married as this usually breaks alot of couples.Hope mine's safe! Don't ignore it,deal with it coz it'll come back one day and make you cry more.
All the best.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (29 November 2007):
 Hi there,
I was raised a Catholic and though I am now a non believer , I cant really see the problem here.
First let me explain, with the Jewish culture , a child born to a Jewish mother is Jewish regardless of the father. But a child born to a gentile mother from a Jewish father is not considered a Jew. ( At least that's what my Jewish friends have told me ).
With Catholics it doesnt matter. You simply need to clear a few things with him before you commit. Ask him if he would insist on bringing up the children as Catholics. If he is not a regular church goer I find it hard to believe he would. Secondly even if he wants to send them to a Catholic school really its no big deal, as I said I am a non believer these days but as a teacher I taught for 3 years in Catholic schools. The morals they teach are very relevant for today's society - and I am a big sceptic about religious schools - so i was surprised at how progressive Catholic education has become.
As for christening, it wont be an issue with him necessarily but you can be damn sure it will with his mother. So you will need to sort this out. But at the end of the day if like me you are agnostic, then I really cant see the harm, I told my wife if she wants to christen our kids in a Orthodox church then I dont care either, I just wont be present as I dont believe in it. But if keeping peace of mind in the family means letting a bit of water be dribbled on your child's head -its a small price to pay huh?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (29 November 2007):
 Well, I'm Catholic, and where I live (Latin America) there's always people of different religions marrying each other. Most often, a Catholic and a non-Catholic (though usually a Christian). Of course, most marriages still occur within religions.
I agree with Taste of India: you need to talk this through, and, perhaps because I'm a Catholic, I think you should also let him teach the children his values. Which are not that different from anybody else's, are they? I believe that the children should be allowed to choose.
Maybe you can do what my grandfather did. He wasn't agnostic: he was an atheist, but he attended every religious service he had to attend. His view was that religion was simply people's beliefs, that all the ceremonies were false but they were due respect. For example, and he would respect the ceremony. He even had a priest for a good friend, though he would never stop saying that all religions were false.
To illustrate the point, since you're an agnostic perhaps you would agree that astrology is bull. But, would that prevent you from marrying someone who believe his horoscope?
And, from what you say, I don't think your boyfriend would raise the children as Catholics anyways.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (29 November 2007):
 The only way you can get this answer is to talk to him about it. You guys need to have an honest talk about religion. Bring up the fact that you aren't interested in adopting his religion and you're not sure if you want to raise your children Catholic. I do think you should keep an open mind and be willing to compromise (for instance, if he'd like his kids to attend church for Christmas and Easter).
I think that even if you choose not to raise the children as Catholic, if you DO get married and end up having children - definitely allow him to show them his religion. If being Catholic is part of who he is, the kids should be allowed to at least understand Catholicism and what their father is about. I guess I'm trying to say, I don't think he should have to hide his religion from them.
You really just need to talk to your boyfriend! It might be important, it might not be a big deal to him. The only way you'll find out is if you ask!
Good luck, sweetness.
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): Well that was so lame for that guy to break up just because she wasn't jewish. He probably said that as an excuse to get out of the relationship.
I would definitely not break up with a guy because he is catholic. The kennedy's were catholic. Would you have broken up with JFK jr. just cause he was catholic?? OF COURSE NOT! I mean he was perfect in every way.
Mother theresa was catholic. Would you have not been her friend cause she was catholic??
Lots of wonderful intelligent people have been catholic. As long as your boyfriend has wonderful qualities such as intelligence, intellect, good genes, great personality, he loves you, he's ambitious, driven, then I don't see why his religion would pose a conflict of interests. Especially since its not like he is from some fanatic religious group. He's catholic! Not evangelical. Don't be silly. If you love him go for it!!
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (29 November 2007):
 Hey - surely you just to have to go through the obvious topics with him. He knows what's important to him and what isn't. Marriage, contraception, christening, death, anything else?. (I'm not Catholic).
Richard
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