A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I need some advice. I started dating this guy, he's the guy I never thought I'd want but ended up falling for. When we met we both and came out of long relationships. We talked for about a year and then got together, after a year of an amazing relationship then he enlisted into the army. It was not easy, but for him I was willing to take the risk. I'd do anything for him. The 3 months of basic were non stop letters every day he was telling me he wanted to marry me and how much he loved me. I was living with his family during this time, I flew out to see his basic graduation and I could feel the love he had for me then. Soon after he gets stationed in Colorado and I had drove a 13 hr drive to visit him twice and he did the same for me, I also flew out often until he deployed and every time was better than the last. I am now moved out of his families home and have little contact with them because is mother was gunning for me to mess up the relationship somehow.. which I never would I love him too much. His deployment was 1 1/2 year into his enlistment, a 9 month deployment to Germany. The first few months we good, normal. Towards the end he got distant saying he's too busy to talk and that he never had service, which I understood, I know that the military life is a time consuming one, I was just happy I was his. One day he decided to end it saying he doesn't want me to wait for him he feels bad and that he might reenlist that I should find someone who can commit time for me and he doesn't see a relationship working out for him right now, a lot has changed. I was crushed.. he's the one I want and the one that I have waited 2 years for. I want him back I haven't spoken to him since we ended it, which was a little over a week ago. He's still in Germany but he comes back the to the states next month and will most likely get leave to come home..I know that when he gets home he will have all the little things that will remind him of me, the majority of his clothes and hats I bought for him. I don't know why now or what happened.. our relationship was never bad and the break up wasn't either.. I told him how much I love him and support him but I'll respect his decision. Although nothing about this feels right.. I need another perspective.
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (22 November 2017):
 Id say this is very common amongst couples where one half is in the military. In fact one of my friends broke up with his GF because they spent so much time apart they felt it wasn't worth it anymore.
I'd say your BF has had the same realisation. Seeing each other once or twice in a year and a half isn't much of a relationship now is it? And i think it would be very unrealistic to expect that to continue for an even longer period of time if he decides to stay in.
I think this is for the best. You're both young and want different things right now. Your ex feels he can't commit when that's what you want, so it makes sense. Let this one go, no matter how much it hurts.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2017): I know military-life, and it can be strenuous on family-life and relationships. When I was active-duty, I didn't always find time to even write my family; and sometimes I only got to call home once every other week.
There were drills, changing hospital-shifts, special-training, and sometimes I got very little sleep. It was demanding, and the government wants perfection. In the medical corps, I held lives in my hands. That was my job, and what I signed-up for. I loved it. It was an honor to serve. Best time of my life.
Military-service does not settle for mediocre performance. You could be reassigned or demoted to menial responsibilities. Those who excel are rewarded with promotions and given special honors. All are pushed to do their best. Those who serve are defending democracy and protecting the citizens of our nation.
Even if his reasons for breaking-up are not as given, distance alone is taking him away from you. It may be totally selfish; because he doesn't like having to hold-out and wait until he gets home before he can find the comfort of a woman. He's not your husband. Less can be demanded of him, as far as commitment and fidelity are concerned.
I might also suspect that he feels you've pushed yourself way too far traveling and trying to stay as close as you could. If you care about someone, you sometimes care enough to let them go; because their happiness and well-being is important to you. Whether he may have met someone else, or if he has decided to have an extended military-career; I think he has done good by you be giving you the option to find someone who can give you the time and attention you deserve.
While I served, I was deployed to one place; but still could be sent on temporary-assignments that brought me to other hospitals at a moment's notice. It could be for weeks. Sometimes contact with my family was limited or restricted; depending on my location. Not everyone is cutout to deal with this distance and sudden movement. Just reading your post, all that driving and traveling was quite a burden. He could see it.
I'm sorry that he has chosen the military over a relationship; but that is both a sacrifice and an honorable decision. He has chosen to serve without encumbering your life. He is leaving you to pursue what you need.
I suggest you do your best to heal and move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 November 2017):
 The best thing you can do (for you) is to LET him go. I know it's not what you want but it's what you need to do.
I have seen this happen SO many times. YOUNG YOUNG people getting into a relationship and when either (or both) join the military they have 2 options, getting married or... breaking up. And I DO think he is telling the truth (depending on his MOS) that he is working A LOT. Especially the lower ranking guys are kept VERY busy.
My guess is, HE has come to understand that he is too young for marriage. He is right in NOT stringing you along. He already has for 2 years.
Another guess is that MOMMY dearest has suggested he doesn't marry yet but live life as a single man while traveling and being posted all over the place.
You can't MAKE him want to continue. You can't MAKE him want to marry you.
It's still raw for you. In time you might come to realize that HE wasn't the right one for you, long term. Right now it just doesn't feel that way.
And who knows... He might also realize that letting you go was a really bad mistake. I just wouldn't bet on that.
Military life is not easy. For the soldiers, GF/BF and spouses. Many couples just don't last to the distance that inevitable will happen. The near constant moves, deployments, training, being far away from family and friends, etc. etc.
Chin up and focus on you for a while.
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