A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A while ago a guy in my class started flirting with him. But cos guys at school never flirt with me a did not believe it and always took it as a joke. We have been chatting on a local chat site alot and have gotten to know him and start getting feelings for him. He has told me that he knows for sure that he loves me. And he even quoted that sond I said I loved you....but I lied.The problem comes in when I am white and he is a black guy and my parents are really really racist. And I have a boy friend that I have been with for just over a year.Should I leave my boy friend for this guy even through my parents have threatened to shoot any other race I date? Or should I leave it till I know for sure who I love?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts been a long time since I've written here. Just over a month ago me and the guy in the story broke up. His jealousy had finally gotten to much.
THe black guy who I speak bout here and I went to the movies on friday as friends and ended up kissing.
We are now dating and i have not had this much fun with a guy in so long he and i can spend hours laughing and just hanging out.
Only problem now is my parents they will never accept that I have feelings for a black guy.
Thanks for all the advice you gsve it was a great help for now our relationship has to be secret but we can make it work
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): okay, i am in the same exact situation, but i am not already in another relationship. i actually go out with a black guy, and of course i'm white. about 5 weeks ago i met him at the local skating rink and we hung out. him and i went in the game room and he had his arm around me and we were holding hands... then all of a sudden my parents came in... my parents are also racial and i got my butt chewed out by both of them. even though i'm now grounded, and was supposed to break up with him, i still secretely go out with him bcuz colour shouldn't matter. only personality should! i only get to see him at school but we're working this relationship out as good as we can.. i hope my parents don't find out... if they do i'll seriously b DEAD!!
i hope your parents change their mind and hopefully mine will too!!!
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A
female
reader, Butterflyfly  +, writes (22 December 2007):
 please dont stop relationships only because of pressure form other people!! your parents will present you with only the negative repercusions of your future with him, if they are racists! in these days society is very very diverse and there are many many couples and kids from interracial relationships! sadly there are racists around but they will have to face the music we are all equal no matter the colour of our skin!!!! judge by how your needs are fulfilled and how happy you are with them and what htey can bring in your life, not by the colour of the skin.....
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (22 December 2007):
 i don't agree with the baby thing. of course that depends on which area you live. here, we really don't have anyone who is pure. my daughter is Italian from my side, and from her moms, German, Indian, Russian. I believe there is one race and one race only "HUMAN"
With your Uncle's passing. That must have been a hard situation for your family. Try to keep in mind, people from all races, all backgrounds have murdered someone. I have dealt a lot with child forms or abuse, and researching their stories, even within the white community It's painful to see what others are capable of doing to someone else. One of my ex's lost her child to abuse. He threw their 5 month old daughter down the stairs which snapped her neck on impact. He was in his early 20's. The only justice that came from that was 3 life term sentences in prison. There is no real justice when there is loss of life at the hands of someone else. Nothing replaces the time lost with that person.
At a neighboring city there was a shooting at one of the local churches. Two girls were killed by a guy in the parking lot. His reason? He's an athiest and doesn't believe in God. It's sad what people will do, just because they don't agree with someone else or what they stand for. I disagree with some, but I respect them for their different beliefs and it's not my place to judge them for not believing as I do.
If a black guy kills someone, doesn't mean the whole race is capable of murder. Just like with my ex. A white guy killed their child, doesn't mean all white guys will attack or kill children.
I wish you luck with all this. It's hard, and dealing with racism is difficult. Here in the U.S. shooting a race because of dating someone is a "racist" crime. Enhanced jail sentence. For shooting someone like they threaten. Even if they don't kill them, the act gives a nice gift of life in prison with no possibility of parole.
Take care, I'm confident you'll make the right choice for you.
If you two are fighting all the time, that needs to stop. Stand up for yourself, recognize it's OK for you two to disagree, develop communication boundaries that promotes working through issues and not fighting because of them. Definitely stand up for yourself. You're an important person and don't let anyone treat you as if you're not.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2007): I do not think that white people are superior to black people or vice versa but I do not feel that there should be inter - marriage.You two adults would get what you wanted but what about any children you might have. You both have a pure ethnic identity but the child wont and may well not be accepted by either race. Dont be selfish, be friends but go no further.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice. Its hard to decide cos with my bf we always fighting lately and that my parents love him so much. With the black guy his the first black guy i've been very close to since my uncle was murdered by some black men. But thankas 4 all will tell what happens.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (22 December 2007):
I agree with the other poster, stay with your boyfriend.
As far as the racist behaviors, just because their racist, doesn't mean you ever have to agree with their point of view. If you're not racist at all, I'd let your parents know that you see things differently than they do, so while you're in their presence if they could respect you as well by not making any racist comments.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2007): I really feel for you. It's tough when the kids know better than the parents. One trouble is, is that you have feelings for two men that probably don't know about eachother. But in the bigger picture of things, from an outside perspective I see that probably you are drawn to this black man because you grew up in a household that fears and hates them. The fear and hate is unbalanced and isn't real or empowering. What you feel is real - that no matter the colour of skin, you can love another person of a different race. In the grand scheme of things this is a very beautiful thing and you should be proud to see that you haven't taken on you parent's racist ways.But then there's the trouble if you tell your parents. I'm not sure how extreme they are, and I would fear the safety of this black man (and you). If you decide to be with this black man, seek outside help like a school counsellor or psychologist to help you figure out how to tell your parents. Be honest and firm in your feelings because it likely won't be easy. Be strong and seek outside help because your parents aren't in a position to be loving and supporting - you will have to act like the adult here. They probably grew up in a racist household and don't know how to be compassionate to other people. And if you do want to explore a relationship with the black man, you may have to be prepared to live with another family member or wait to tell your parents when you're 18 and can move out without them legally stopping you. It would be best to set this up before your tell them.Your parent's racist views aren't healthy or empowering. You deserve to put yourself on a life path that feels good and loving to mankind because the world has many extraordinary people of many colours. You are a good person, and I admire the courage it takes to be loving and from the heart in approaching people, even if your home life doesn't necessarily support this.I send you support and a hug!Kim
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A
female
reader, muffy +, writes (22 December 2007):
 ok,stay with your boyfriend cuz if you go with the black guy,then your causing him trouble cuz your parents will be pissed.your true love is your boyfriend ok so stay with him.
hope i helped
love and kisses
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