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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: just found out i am pregnant but my partner dsnt want it he said hv abortion or he will walk i was on the pill but missed sum when i was poorly i no irisponsable of me. he came round to talk bout it he said he just dsnt want anymore kids as hes got 5 to previuos wife, were not married ive only been with him a year and im 29 were not getting any younger i dnt want to hv abortion bcoz i will regret it i think then i think he may leave anyway if i do hv 1 so i will hv lost everything ive been a single mum b4 so i no wat its all about but sumtimes it can b lonely, ive got plenty of family support which is strong i love him tho, i no i must make my own decision but wud like to no wat any one thinks ? im in turmoil and heartbroken im thinkin he cnt love me if hes askin me to do this can he ?
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female
reader, Sexybum  +, writes (19 December 2006):
 Hi
Don't do it.
You want to have your baby so you CANNOT do this! I have been there honey I'm a lot younger than you and I guess that helped contribute to my decision. I was pregnant when I was 18 and me and my partner just weren't ready. I had an abortion because it was what I needed to do at the time. It was a hard decision as I'm sure you've figured by now. But it was the right decision for ME!!! I made the decision NOT my partner.....I shouldn't write this but he would've just done anything that I wanted. He didn't take the responsibility of saying if he wanted it or not he just left me to make my mind up. If I said I'll keep he agreed. If I said I wouldn't he agreed!...
Anyway.. It has turned out to be the right decision... that was over two years ago now... I still think (especially at this time of year) what would my lil'un be like.... but I don't tear myself up about it (anymore) cause it was right for ME! Having an abortion is NOT right for you.
The night I done it I just slept. The night after I broke down in tears and didn't stop for a few weeks.... then I quit my job.... my house became a tip.... I had to get private counselling to sort myself out.... and as I say it still plays on my mind today. If I had been older I would not have not have done it, because I would've been ready for a baby... just like what you are now. It was this hard for me and I'd say that the right thing, just imagine how hard it would be if it was the wrong thing to do!
You're ready for this... forget about him and start concentrating on you and your little baby and his/her arrival. If he doesn't want to play a part in it then so be it. You will love your child anyway. If you go ahead with an abortion then I don't think will love your man anymore.... And you will be desperately jealous of own kids. To the point where it could break you.
From my experience and how I know I would feel in your situation my advice is that you take control of this situation and start planning for your future with your new little child.
Good luck and Best Regards
SB xoxoxoxoxoxoxoox
A
female
reader, lady 29 +, writes (19 December 2006):
 thank you for all your feedback i have decided to keep the baby no matter what happens a special thanks to the last lady her message was realy nice.
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A
female
reader, scared16 +, writes (19 December 2006):
 only have an abortion if you want to. you already say you will regret it so don't do it! if this man really truly loved u he wudn give u an ultimatium lyk this. it seems like u have already made your mind up. you have been a single mum u know u can do it. please don't be froced into a decision that you know is wrong for yourself! x x x
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2006): This man will walk regardless if you have an abortion or not. He has declared you are of no value or worth to him by being pregnant. Well then; why doesn't he learn from this and go have his boys snipped then he won't have to face such a horrid problem in the future. This way he can have unprotected sex and shoot out his semen whenever and where ever and not worry that the Woman has the SOLE responsibility of not becoming pregnant.
What an A HOLE.
If you do not want an abortion and feel so strongly about it; then don't.
Now...start preparing yourself that you will be a single mom of this man's child and make sure you know where he works, his family and where they live so you can pursue him for child support payments. He may not want to be actively involved in yours and his child's life but by HIGH HEAVEN he will pay.
The courts will make him financially responsible and it will help.
You will not stay single for long. Take the time to delight in the discovery of being a Mom. Love your baby. Provide for the baby to the best of your abilities.
There is a man out there who will see your TRUE worth and value as a woman and as a Mother and will love you for being both. This one will come in time so don't seek after this as of now. It happens on the Lord's timeline and he is all knowing and all loving.
Make a decision,be strong, and commit to doing it.
Merry Christmas and God Bless; My Hopes are with You.
*hugs*
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2006): the whole abortion movement originally started as a woman's right to CHOOSE. you know what you want to do, or you wouldn't have bothered writing the post; you just feel bad about it b/c your bf isn't supporting you in that choice. it's unfortunate, but it's a reflection on his character - nothing more, nothing less. it doesn't say anything about his feelings for you. he is caught up in his own shock and emotions right now, and he's thinking only of himself. the way to respond to that isn't by shifting all your emotions to thinking only of him also. you may lose him either way, with or without the baby. if you want the baby and will love it and care for it, you should have it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2006): Okay I can understand why your in turmoil, I had been with my then Boyfriend for 3 months and I found out I was pregnant. My fault really but I decided that I would have an abortion and my Boyfriend agreed.So then we got married about a year later and I fell pregnant after 5 months of being married. After having one abortion I knew I couldnt have another, it was just too painful not physicaly but mentally. I really regreted having an abortion after I had done it but I feel like it was the best thing for me to do at the time, after all I had only been with my boyfriend for 3 months at the time I had no idea how long we would stay together.I am extremly fertile and seemed to fall pregnant at the drop of a hat!, I had only missed one pill!. but after speaking with my husband he knew that I couldnt do it again and stuck by me even though it wasnt what he wanted at the time. But you and your partner arent married and you have no ties so I suppose he doesnt have any obligation to stay with you, but if you do go ahead with the pregnancy he will probably still be there for the child.At the end of the day I guess what I'm trying to say is that its really up to you to decide what you want. Even though your boyfriend had alot to do with the baby making!, it is ultimately you that will be looking after the baby and its your body so its your choice. If he does do a runner then at least you know that he isnt the sort of Man you want in your life, I know its a hard way to learn but unfortunately thats life.Okay you can contact me personally if you like, and good luck. Just remember whatever you do decide its the right decision for you.xx
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (19 December 2006):
 I am in the early stages of pregnancy myself at the moment so I understand you are in the throws of all sorts of emotions and physical changes. Fortunately this baby is wanted by both myself and my husband. However, if I was in your situation I wouldn't think about what the father wants so much as what you want to do right now. As you will know, there is a limited time frame for having an abortion. Single parenthood can be challenging but rewarding too. As for your man, I don't think anyone who truely loves someone will lay demands on them - do as I want or else...long term relationships are based on compromise. He maybe unhappy about the pregnancy but he did have sex with you and contraceptive failures are just a fact of life. You cannot make him change his mind but equally you must appreciate that this relationship may not work out long-term whatever you decide to do - if you have an abortion to please him, he may still leave you at some stage and will you then feel bitter? Only you can decide what to do about the pregnancy and perhaps your doctor can arrange counselling as sometimes it helps to talk to someone neutral. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2006): It's impossible for anyone on the Internet to tell you if this man loves you or not, only you can know this.
It's understandable why he doesn't want any more children, and if he doesn't have any moral issues about abortion then it is understandable why he thinks it is best to have an abortion. It is entitled to give you his view, isn't he? It doesn't mean you have to go along with it - it is just something to bare in mind when you make the final decision.
It sounds to me like you need to accept that if you keep this baby, you will probably be a single mum. All else I can say is, at least this guy has been upfront and honest with you, and has not led you in to thinking he will be there for you - which some men actually do -
So, to answer your last question, don't necessarily think he doesn't love you just because he doesn't want a child with you. There is a difference.
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A
female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (19 December 2006):
 I dont consider myself a feminist though my education in an Spanish arst university made me aware we have to take care of ourselves as men tend to behave in a chauvinist way many times and it's not to far when men used to have a strong power in decissions about our life even those who affect our body and emotions such as abortion, darling nobody can oblige you to have an abortion if you want to have your baby, it is going to accept your life deeply and affect yuor body and health but if you decide to stand up for yourself and have the baby you should have support from your couple not such psychological pressuring, desafortunately wwe women have to be strong when men consider their will to walk away and feel free to live their lives, I think if you are so deeply in love of him u should go to counselling to help him see his behaving selfishly you never had a baby so you can take the risk it's not your fault he's got 5 children you have none, youre a 29 year old woman who knows what she want and can datnd up for herself or learn to darling.
I know it is easy to talk and give advice but now you have to be strong and notice maybe this is not the right man for you however painpul you think it sounds, try to get close to your family and talk to friends I think they have the key as they can help you keep the baby and give a hand to you, on the contrary if you decide to have an abortion it's your body and your life but mind if you never get the chance to have another baby again you'll maybe repent all your life thinkit over and stay strong we women respect your decission but do not want you to get blackmailed or psychologically mistreated
love
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