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female
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KatieE
writes: I've been dating a guy for quite a long time now, he proposed to me, but his sister doesn't like me and has a strong impression on him, not changing his mind, but just making him angry. His mom is the only one in his family that he really gets along with, but when he spends time with me, it makes her down in the dumps. I guess my question really is how to make our relationship more open to his family. His mom doesn't say that she don't like me, but I feel that way. I love him very much and Don't want to lose him. I just need help on how to prove to them I'm not a bad person.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2007): I beg to differ with all the answers submitted. My fiance and I established the fact that his family didn't like me and I'd prefer not to be around them either, way before we got engaged. We've found that even this way, there is no family interuptions from either side, I stay close with mine, he stays close with his, but neither of us brings the other persons family into our business or life... Holidays, we spend them together (that's the family we formed, not my parents and his parents too) then we go to see our own family. Simple as that. We've made it work and were happy... Now I know when kids come into play, it may be different, but by that time, who knows everyone may be more mature and open to other ideas for the situation. Deal with those things when the time comes... That's my philosopy. Hope this helps... stick to your guns, don't pretend to be happy around his family, make you and your soon to be husband happy...
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female
reader, KatieE +, writes (29 November 2005):
Yes, he has problems with his sister and dad. The thing is that his sister knew my brother, my brother drank and everything, so she thinks that I am like my brother. I can't stand my brother to tell you the truth. I've thought about talking to his mom about it, but I always chicken out because I don't know what to say. I kind of don't want him around when I talk to his mom. I don't want to take him away from his family. I would rather be a part of his family. If that makes any sense. I try to spend time with him and his mom, but she never says too much. I just don't know what to say, if I talk to her.
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A
female
reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (28 November 2005):
 Communicatrix gives you great advice and I concur. You don't need to change who you are, dear to marry this guy. Either his family accept you or they don't. Personally, I think you are walking into a family nightmare. Do you actually and honestly think these people will respect and like you, just because you marry this guy. In your shoes I would postpone the wedding plans and discuss this deeply abd very seriously with your fiancee. I think it's time for him to sit down and have a chat with his family and set some boundries on how they are treating you. I think this is very wrong of them and he needs to deal with it before you two marry. Being "in love" lasts a while, but eventually real life intervenes. These family members will be part of your life forever, for better or for worse, and boy, does it sound like worse! Good luck dear and I wish you the best.
Hugs, Irish
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A
reader, communicatrix +, writes (28 November 2005):
 It seems like you already know that you don't just marry the person—you marry the family.
Have you spoken to your fiancé about this? Not just that you're upset, but about about why his family members might feel this way about you? Are you sure this behavior is directed specifically towards you or might they act the same way towards any woman your boyfriend decided to date seriously?
It sounds like there are difficulties between your boyfriend and his family to begin with, so you may never be able to achieve smooth sailing with them. How close is he to them? If you two love each other enough, it may be worth the risk. But it sounds like other than being incredibly patient, there's not much you can *do*; there's really nothing anyone can actively *do* to improve a relationship.
Open the lines of communication as best you can with your fiancé. Let him know this is a concern, and that you'd like to make it better between him, you and his family. Take your cues from him.
And please, think very carefully about whether or not you want to marry into a family where you don't feel welcome.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Tim +, writes (28 November 2005):
 Seem more asian sort of relation son is in love but his momi doesn't like her son's fiancy coz she might have had some body else for him in mind to do an arrange marriage. no hard feeling and so sorry, you shouldn't take away their only son or bro. There are many ways to improve this by changeing yourself and become more friendly, spend more time with their inlaws, invite them, get everyone a present try to take them out for icecream sometimes if you can feed them good meal, I recon fish and chip is wot might change the way they felt about you and that you will prove you like and love them and you are a nice girl not a bad girl coz you were engaged to him not arranged.Good luck
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