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male
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anonymous
writes: I hope some woman can shed some light on this, I am remarried 6 months to a woman that makes me feel so loved and cared for but when she talks about her sexual past, she seems to add more than I want to know. I have told her I dont want the details and really dont want to know anything but because we feel we are also best freinds as well as lovers she says this is why she talks openly. she tells me I completely fill her every need and basically is telling me why I am better than the others she's been with. my question is am I being immature in her not expressing her feelings in this way, she tells me I should be proud of the things she says...but what guy even though "he's the best ever she's been with" wants to hear such things as his penis was huge but yours fits better and.I dont like the feeling of semen in my mouth but yours tastes and smells better. I want her to see me as her best friend but I hate the thoughts that are now burned into my mind about her and other guys... am I overreacting?
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (25 April 2006):
 You are not overreacting. There are very few men out there that would want to hear the things you are being told. Your phrase 'burned into my mind' describes it well: its easy for these images to come back to haunt you when you least want them around. The simplest situation is to not have to hear about them at all.
You should tell her that your hearing these details is not pleasant for you: that you don't like to think of her with other lovers.
You can also read this thread:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-cant-i-get-my-gfs-past-sex-life-out-of-my-head.html
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2006): NO you're not overreacting. If it was me, I would also ask her not to expose such details to me. We all have to move-on to the future. Past experiences is a great learning tool, and I'm sure some things from our past should be shared with our current lovers, but there should be a balance of compassion and tactful sharing when it comes to these sort of things.
You should tell her that being comfortable with each other is a very good thing, but certain details from the past shouldn't be shared especially when it's about sex, and when the considerable other (you) don't feel comfortable hearing about them.
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