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female
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*oucie
writes: im so upset i can't function, I can't get my head around why derek suddenly out of the blue, dumped me, we were getting on lovely and he had planned next weekend to pick me up and take me to his and spend the night together. We saw each other fri night and had a lovely time. I'm blaming myself now, as he said he'd ring me sun evening, after he'd seen his son Harvey, but he didn't, so i rang him, he didn't answer, so i left a message, I also text him twice sat evening just saying what a nice time i had on Fri, but he never replied back, which is unusual for him. On the sun night he text me saying he couldn't ring as he was still at his ex's house. I thought that was strange as he normally goes earlier than that. So I became concerned and my insecurities set in, so i text him saying, " I know your'll think im being silly but you never answered my texts i sent on sat eve and you never rang me tonight, I think we need to talk, could you ring me?" I then got a text from him saying " Im still at ex's, was here last night as well, as my son is ill, and i'll be here until he is better. I think maybe we should split as you keep on about me not caring. Im sorry it had to end like this. My son will always come first, don't contact or text me again.Im devastated as i don't know what on earth i have done but i do blame myself for that text i sent and if i hadn't sent it things between us could be fine today, so i feel bad and blame myself. I text him today to ask if he would ring me just to end on a good note. He said he would but didn't know when, as his son was still unwell. He told me I would find happiness. but this is all out of the blue. Im so confused. Anyone any suggestions how i can cope with this or what i could say to him in a text?
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reader, schlottjl  +, writes (25 April 2006):
 Okay, You did not say how long you were together. If a short time, he is probably back with his son and ex. It is sad he took it out on you but the illnes could have reminded him of old times.
No matter what, do not contact him again for at least two weeks. Wait even longer if at all possible. He has decided you are the bad guy and if you do anything to stress him further, then he will only believe it more.
Disappear for awhile and you can hope that he comes to and at least feels bad about his behavior.
And speaking of behavior. How could you have known anything. His behavior speaks volumns and it is saying nothing good. He coud have been hoping to get back with his ex and he could have been trying to show his ex you meant nothing to him. (His over doing it is immature at beast but unless the lad is dying, there is no excuse. )
If you run in the same crowd or will probably run into him again, you can address the situation quickly and sternly by stating that since you were left in the dark about everything and could not have been supportive of his need therefore, you wish him to know that his behavior was unacceptable and cruel. Tell him your feeling were very much hurt and if he even felt low level friendship with you, that you needed him to know that. It is not okay to vent and shut a person out like that. You may have been hurt but his actions showed cowardice. Perhaps you would have understood or would let him go since you will not settle for second best.
Ask how his son is felling now and if better, tell him you are relieved. Then walk away. If he is calmer and sorry at all, ensure you keep walking anyway at least for a bit since you would reasonably be suspicious of any impressions he gives you. Tell him you wish the unpleasantness to eventually end but an actual person with feelings, will make that a goal not a guarentee.
He was not with his ex for a reason. If he is back with her, it could be he and she saw the light and should be a family again. Or if the illnes smoothed serious issues away, it was only temporary.
What you do know for sure is that he is not ready to move on. Don't be hurt. The feeling that should be taking over you soon is anger and shock that anyone would treat you undeservingly so poorly.
You are officially training him and any other person watching this episode on how you should be treated. If you stand for it, the losers will come out of the woodwork to console you and in their mind take his emotionally abusive place. If you act like you are surprised you did not see this coming but have learned from this, you scare away the jerks and your strength will draw healthy guys to you since we couple with like minds over time.
Good luck and try to reframe it. Of course you are disappointed, you are mourning the loss of your hopes for this relationship.
A
female
reader, sherry1408 +, writes (25 April 2006):
hi first of all you shouldnt beat yourself up and blame yourself for what happened. it is normal for someone to get concerned if they dont hear from their partner. it is absolutly disgusting that he broke up with you over a txt and it just shows that he is not a man at all just a gutless coward. yes if his child is ill then he would come first but if he had the time to say where he was he should of had the time to say why he didnt reply to you so in my opinion the ex has something to do with it. i think what you need to do is ring him or txt him and tell him to come and collect his stuff (if you have any) or ask if you can meet up for a chat just for some closure, if he is decent enough then he should do this but dont txt and ring him loads of times because thats just going to give him reason to ignore you more because he will know thats its killing you.there will probably be a time where he rings you (he might be drunk) and say that he made a big mistake and he is sorry for what he has done and wants to get back together, but dont fall for it because you might end up where you are now again and it will be even harder to get over him that time.thats just my opinion. to get over him that is going to be hard if you really cared for him. even though you might not feel up to it you need to get back out there with your friends and have a good night out and confide in a close friend its surprising how much they can help. also you need to say to yourself that it was not your fault and that he is not worth the ground he walks on because of what he has done and that your worth a million times more than what he is and that someone better will come along when you least expect it.
i really hope this has helped.
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