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Her past relationship screwed her up mentally, physically and emotionally, so she pushed me away!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Faded love, Health, Long distance, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 September 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 22 September 2009)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

So here's the deal me and my ex were together for nearly 2 years and throughout those 2 years our relationship was amazing. I must add that we were and still would be long distance (her sf me la) anywho we were really good together.....she shared nearly everything in her life to me. Her past relationship screwed her up mentally, physically and emotionally, she hasn't been able to trust anyone since her ex except me. Because of her ex she has been screwed up royally mentally and physically, these issues are extremely life altering just fyi (I'd rather keep those issues to myself). Just recently all these issues started coming to light in both hers and my life together and she started pushing me away and getting distant and cold towards me which in return made her break up with me. She herself has admitted the reason we broke up is because of her own issues.

I just visited her in SF over the weekend and it was so great we cuddled, kissed hung out etc. now she won't admit she wants me back nor will she be intimate with me beyond cuddling and the kissing are more just pecs than actual kissing. Now my question is where should I go from here? I have been patient for over 4+ months with her, if I get a "distraction" girl so to speak she'll want to move on and forget about me, now i'm absolutely in love with her and I know she is with me as well I just don't know where to go from here, thoughts?

View related questions: broke up, her ex, her past, kissing, long distance, move on, my ex

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009):

I can't go onto to another girl or there goes any type of relationship I have with her at the moment. She needs me whether it be under friendship or relationship and the issue with that is that she sees me starting a relationship with another girl there goes her trust into me, as stupid as it may seem it's how she works. I am not looking for another girlfriend me and her were open as far as sex goes so we had sex with others while in the relationship but that's all it was and let me add that the break up had NOTHING to do with the open relationship part. I am madly in love with this girl and she is with me and I understand she is having a hard time finding herself right now but even we talked about making a family together and it's my only fantasy with her is to create a bond together. Now I understand that isn't gonna happen right now and she's gonna be sleeping with guys left and right and it might hurt me but I'll do with it because she's literally all I have and I can't lose that one person, she's said we're not over and that's good enough for me. I just need advice on a distraction, way to deal with her, way to help her or push her along and make her life better.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (22 September 2009):

This girl is very very unsure of herself right now. She's been incredibly hurt and doesn't know what she wants. She has to deal with her probems. You can't solve them for her. You also can't wait around for her. My best advice would be for you to go out and meet other girls. There are others out there. Be a friend to this girl, but don't let her use you as her shoulder and nothing more. Or you'll never get over her.

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