A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have had two children and I am now 70 pounds overweight. I'm very unhappy, angery and out of sorts with myself.I know that I need to lose weight, but after working, taking care of my dads kids and then taking care of my own kids, I find I have no energy to workout or inclination too.I need help, it's ruining my relationship with my bf. He himself is overweight, but he tells me all the time I need to lose weight. I'm fat. He even told me he no longer finds me attractive because I'm so heavy. I'm 5'5 and 205 pounds. When I met him I was 118. I don't know what to do. I know what needs to be done, but i can't do it.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 May 2013):
 One more thing, be VERY careful with the plyometrics moves in the exercise videos. They can cause injuries if not done correctly. I would avoid any jumping/twisting type of motions unless you are being helped by an exercise trainer and until you have lost some weight.
You'll still make progress and get fitter.
I know people who have been injured and it takes a long time to heal, it's a setback you don't need, so be very cautious and careful, okay?
Go girl!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 May 2013):
Good for you, sounds like you are now on a healthier path.
Remember that you will have minor setbacks and bumps in the road. The key is not to let them knock you off your goals and your path. Shake them off and keep moving.
Watch young children learning to walk, they fall down A LOT. It's frustrating and so hard, when you are learning a new major thing, like walking, with immature muscles and bones. You have to have perseverance and patience and faith. A small child has that intrinsically when it comes to learning to walk and talk and do everything.
So have patience with yourself, have forgiveness, and have the belief that you can do this.
And in a year from now, when you are healthier and fitter and focused, you'll suddenly realize that you are happier too.
You HAVE to take care of yourself as a top priority; this is a huge life lesson that you are about to absorb. I am so looking forward to hearing your next update because I suspect it'll all be good!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so very much for the helpful advise. I've talked to my boyfriend, who yes is also the father of my children and he told me he was sorry about saying that to me and that he wants to help me in my journey to be healthy along with himself.
We have talked to a Dr. Fuhrman and his nutritarian lifestyle, not a diet and we have started that. We have also bought a juicer and now juice lots of veggies and some fruits and are well on our way to becoming healthier.
I have also gotten turbojam and turbofire and am doing exercises with my children and taking them to the park a lot now that the weather is warm. Let's do this!!!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2013): The only weight you need to lose is his ass !what guy tells his girl that she is fat. When ever you do decide to lose weight do it for you then find you someone else.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2013): Your boyfriend sounds like a hypocritical jerk- you might want to rethink your relationship with him.
I'm a little over weight too for my height, I've just started this exercise programme called "The Thirty Day Shred". It is a DVD which you follow 5-6 days a week. It has three levels of intensity and the idea is that you build up gradually to each level. The best thing is that it only takes twenty minutes to do but really is hard work and has amazing results.
Google it and look at the reviews- it's also quite cheap £5-10.
Also try to eat healthier, cut out the crisps, chocolate, biscuits and fast food. Oh and alcohol. I've been doing this for five days now and already lost five pounds.
Good luck and best wishes
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2013): First off the weight you need to remove is your boyfriend! The pot is calling the kettle back here. Name calling isn't necessary. That is it helping to motivate anyone. Thats at least 200lbs of mental weight gone right there. Believe me there is someone out there would like you just the way you are. I've recently lost weight myself. Honestly, I eat what I want in moderation! I eat cookies, chips, hamburgers, etc. What I don't do is get super sized sweet tea drinks. I eat snacks between meals but it's a single size serving! I don't buy the big bags of anything. I buy the actual serving size so I won't overeat! I also EXERCISE! I am the type of person if I don't exercise I won't lose ish. I get up at 630am and exercise. I have a 98 year old grandmother her with dementia that behaves like a two year old. I have a full time job as well. I'm doing it. I was just like you. All excuses and no action. When I stop making excuses, I got up and start doing it. I had to push myself. You are going to have to do it alone. It would be nice to have support and someone to go to the gym with you. Realize this is for your healthy and nobody else is responsible for your health but YOU! It just takes that first step. I've lost 40Lbs since November and I loom fabulous! I feel great I look great all because I stop making excuses and l got to moving! It's all up to you! Best of luck on your journey!
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 May 2013):
The boyfriend is your kids' dad, I trust?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 May 2013):
You've got some great diet and exercise advice, so I won't add mine.
But I do have a brilliant idea for you. (*cough* she says modestly)
The moment he says, 'You're fat and need to lose weight.' Say, 'Oh, thank you darling, I appreciate the feedback and motivation and right NOW is the perfect time. You watch the kids, I'll be back in an hour.'
Pop on some walking shoes and leave the house. Even if it's dinner time. Especially if you are the one cooking. He can make the meal and feed the kids while you go for a nice long, mind-clearing lovely walk.
Unless it's midnight or he's leaving for work in the morning, you just get up and go for a walk. If it's not a safe neighborhood, head to the mall and walk inside.
And tell your dad he's going to need to find alternate childcare for several days a week so you can concentrate on regaining your health.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (15 May 2013):
 I have to question your bf and dad. Why are you working AND caring for so many kids? Is there any way that work can be split more evenly? Also your bf is an ass. How is that helpful to make you feel bad? Depression and anxiety can all make you put on more weight and/or stress eat. Tell him to shut his pie hole.
The first thing is that you don't NEED to add in an exercise plan to lose weight. Cutting calories from your diet is far more important and exercise only needs to be little things like taking the stairs and parking a bit farther away to help it along. You don't need to carve out hours of the day to work out to get to a healthy weight.
First things first is to pay attention to where your calories are coming from. A lot of people are snacking all day and consume hundreds of extra calories just through munching. Bring your lunch and snacks with you to work and bring them as portion controlled. I.e. buy something with the calories printed on it rather than guessing about how much salad dressing is how many calories. Usually when I go to work I bring a pre-packaged meal that's around 300 calories and then bring two 100 calorie snacks for later in the afternoon. Be careful with sodas. Basically don't drink the full calorie sodas unless it is a special treat and juice is basically the same number of calories.
For weight loss it's not so much about healthy eating as it is about counting calories, pure and simple. The healthy eating part comes in as, you will usually feel more full from vegetables than junk food. Fiber makes you feel full. Sugar does not. One of my friends is very overweight and constantly complaining that she eats so healthy and exercises but is still overweight. The reason is that even though she eats healthy food, she eats way too much of it.
While you're around your house keep your junk food on the highest shelves that are the hardest to get to. That way you won't be tempted to grab it just because it's out. Keep low calorie things within the easiest reach when you need to munch, like mini peppers, carrots, apples, etc...
For dinners, just try to cook as lean as possible. Fish, chicken, leafy greans, rice, etc... I try not to obsess too much about calorie counting for dinner, but do things like get recipes from cooking light. Serve yourself small portions on a small plate (you will feel more satisfied from less food that way) and try to never eat in front of the TV, or you will continue eating long after you're full. Try to pay attention to what you put on your plate, veggies should be the biggest serving. If you like dessert, Skinny Cow ice cream bars are the tastiest low calorie desserts I've found.
Make sure to ALWAYS eat breakfast. Always, always, always. If you skip breakfast you will eat more at lunch and have less energy. Breakfast sandwiches are great because they have fiber AND protein, both key to staying full. Just be sure that if you buy the prepackaged ones, you check calories. 3 hard boiled eggs and some toast are also a good breakfast. Believe it or not, Egg McMuffins are a fantastic breakfast calorie-wise. Also if you're short on time and you go to McDonalds for lunch, get a happy meal instead of a full size meal or just one cheeseburger (which is exactly 300 calories).
The biggest thing is not to beat yourself up if you break your diet. Some people will start their diet plan and then have one night where they go overboard and just go, "well, guess it's over now." and give up. Don't beat yourself up, everyone has too much bread or cake or something every once in awhile. It's important not to deprive yourself too much, especially for special occasions.
Pay close attention to alcohol intake. Alcohol has a LOT of calories in it and they're all empty. Try to limit this as much as possible. I.e. a glass of wine every week or something.
The biggest part of weight loss is just to eat less. You will find tricks along the way that work for you to stay fuller on less food. The weight should come off slowly rather than quickly and you should try to never skip meals. Good luck!
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (15 May 2013):
I think your problem here is that you need to find motivation. There's ALWAYS time to work out. ALWAYS. Finding the energy is similar to motivation, but the lack of energy is caused by your sedentary lifestyle and obesity.
Force yourself to work out, whether at the gym or in front of the tv. There are workouts you can do that only take 15 minutes. Look up ZuzkaLight on YouTube or ZuskaLight DVD on Google. My wife does these workouts and they kick her butt, but she loves them.
What helps me is to make a schedule. Put it in your calendar so that a reminder pops up. Because its in your schedule you know that you have time. Then, instead of putting it off for some mystery time in the future, it's right there in your face saying "Let's do this".
It won't take long for you to get into it. Then, once the ball gets rolling, you'll be more conscious of what you eat because you won't want to waste your efforts.
By the way, forget about your tactless husband, do it for you. Good luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2013): You have to start somewhere. And reaching out is a good place.
#1 Diet. Losing weight is 80% what you put into your mouth and 20% exercise.
#2 Stop eating fast food and sugary drinks. Just stop it all together. That alone, you will see pounds dropping off in no time at all.
#3 Try to eliminate as much processed food from your daily food intake as possible. Another huge contributer to weight gain.
#4 You need to eat. Do not starve yourself because the fat in your body hold on because it needs somewhere to get nurishment from. Eat as much fruits and vegetables as you can. Fill up on them. Eat lean proteins the size of the palm of your hand. Do not eliminate, but seriously cut down on high carb foods, such as pasta, white breads, rice, etc. Just be pay attention to portion control. Eat a lot during the day, just not junk and high fat/sugar foods.
#5 Do not keep crap foods in your house. If it's not there when it's meal/snack time, you can't be tempted to eat it. Everyone in your household, including your kids can eat healthy. Do this for you, for your boyfriend and so your kids can have a good healthy start too.
#6 In regard to #5, do not cut everything out. If you deprive yourself of the things you love entirely, you will eventually give in and binge eat them. Instead, have the things you love that you know are not good for weight loss, but save them as treats, like only on the weekends, or once a week have a small bowl of ice cream, etc. The trick is not to deprive yourself, but to have self-control and not eat the whole carton of ice cream (ex.)
#7 Exercise: It is so important. And if you make a committment to get up and move, the rest will come. Your energy level is so low because you are not getting any exercise and because of what and how you are eating. As hard as it is, pick you butt up off the couch, gather the kids and all of you go take a long walk. Take it slow but keep moving. Do this daily. When you go somewhere, park far away from the door and walk quickly to get inside. Take the stairs instead of the elevator/esculator. On your lunch break, instead of eating that quick fast food meal, pack your lunch with a turkey sandwich, wheat bread, yogart and a salad with the least amount of dressing as possible, then spend the rest of the time walking around the building, or go outside and walk around. You will see, when you push yourself to start moving and being more active and increasing what your activity is, you will start to notice your energy level increase as well!
When your energy level increases, start increasing what you are doing and make the time for at least 30 minutes a day of serious exercise. Get up earlier and do it before your day or at the end, whatever you can fit in. If you want it bad enough, you will make the time to do it. Eliminating a half hour of TV time and exercising instead.
This is a good start. If you have any questions, let me know. I've been there done that and kept it all off for 7 years now. It's a lifestyle change, not a quick fix, a fad diet or something to do until you lose all the weight you want. You just have to undo all the bad eating habits you've created, learn the good ones and make staying active a daily thing, not a five minute a day thing.
Best of luck to you.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 May 2013):
 To start, make it 60 pounds overweight:). At 5'5 you can be around 145 pounds and still be at an healthy weight, you won't have fashion model proportions but you still can be attractive and HEALTHY.
There are Aunts and Uncles on this site who are much more expart than me on weight issues and management, and I hope they will intervene with suggestions.
In the meantime, I just want to tell you be kind, gentle and patient with yourself . Yes, you need to ditch the extra weight ( for yourself and your health , much more than to please a bf that, pardon me, is not being very nice or supportive at all ), but Rome was not built in one day, you need to give yourself time, take baby steps and be happy about any progress, no matter how little, as long as it's constant. I know that you are just fed up of your body shape and you want some drastic ( magic ?) remedy to bring you back to what you were right NOW, but, if there is something so drastic, I think it would not come without a lot of side effects , stretch marks, sagging ,depressive moods, maybe even metabolic disfunctions.
Just start, with that little alterations to your diet / activity level you can realistically do now, and keep going . It may take time, but hopefully your bf will appreciate your effort and determination regardless of the speed of results . If he does not and keeps badgering you .. you can always dump HIS inconsiderate fat ass and in this way eliminate a lot of the extra weight in your life :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2013): I love how he's fat, and telling you to lose weight. What an ass. Even if he was in shape, this is not how you deal with things when you love someone. He sounds like a prick.
If you want to lose weight for you, first start loving yourself right now as you are. I mean it, the last thing you need is a hateful mindset against yourself. We are so much more than the digits on a scale, and it sounds like this arse is to shallow to understand that.
Losing weight is hard, I myself struggle with it too. But the last thing that's going to help me get healthy is some guy saying I am unattractive. If anything, that will just make me want to eat more, since I am an emotional eater.
But if you do want to drop some lbs., try Weight Watchers, a lot of people have had success on this program. But just know there are plenty of men who would find you really attractive, and don't be afraid to drop the loser, perhaps before even the pounds
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