A
male
age
41-50,
*aza
writes:So me and Lisa have known each other for 8 years, as my landlady who I used to board with (Linda) is her mum’s best friend. I went out with Lisa’s older sister around 6yrs ago, and it lasted for around 18mths. Anyway, the break up wasn’t good, and it took us a long time to become friends again.Around 3yrs ago, myself and Lisa started to become close, and within 4 – 5 mths we began seeing each other. Because of the past with her sister, and the fact her mum still wasn’t a big fan of mine, we decided to keep things secret for a while…. After around 6mths, the enevitable happened, and her mum found out. To say she went nuts is an understatement, she basically told her to stop seeing me, or move out and never speak to her family again. By this time I was no longer lodging with Linda and had my own house so there was no way to counter argue apart from telling Lisa to do. At this point she was at college, so realistically we would not of been able to survive on my income alone. I’ve always known if she stood up to her mum, Lisa would win, it’s just her mum is very over protective, and didn’t want the grief she had when myself and Lauren split up. I know from past experience with other matters, if you stand up to her, she’ll sulk for a bit then calm down. We didn’t speak for around 2wks and both went through hell! 2 weeks later, she manages to borrow someone’s phone (her mum was keeping track of her cell calls), and manages to call me. We met up in secret, and she decided she wanted to keep things going in secret. We brought up the subject of each other several times individually, her with her mum, and me with Linda, and every time we were told it’d wouldn’t be ok for a long time. I never went up and stood up to her mum, just purely because with it being her mum, I know it’s something she needed to do, or else her mum would always have this possessive power over her, and also I was terrified of her mum making her life a misery at home. 2yrs later and we were still together, seeing each other as often as possible, but the secrecy was beginning to take a strain, then it happened, and we broke up last Friday. 2 days later she went to a party, and got together with a guy called Josh (just to make things more complex, he’s Linda’s nephew. He’s always been after her since they met, and everybody likes him. They’ve been friends for about a year, though only hung with each other occasionally. This was Lisa’s choice as if she was with him, there’d be no chance of her seeing me that day, but I know they’ve speak a lot via MSN, but only normal banter - Lisa has always been nothing but honest, sometimes brutally, so I have need to doubt this).. She still wants to remain friends, and is normally the one who starts our daily conversations on BlackBerry messenger. Due to the fact she’s now seeing Josh, I can’t do the no contact, as I’ll be seeing them both often, as even though I no longer live with Linda, she still looks after my dog while I work and with it being a secret, I can’t tell her why I can’t go round there. Even though they will be there.. Also, I ride BMX, and her and her friends all hang around the only skate park in the area, with her friends being mates with mine so not seeing her is impossible. When we split, the whole reason was she couldn’t handle the secrecy anymore, as I said she still talks to me about everything (including how amazingly happy she is with Josh – without me asking before you ask), how cute he is etc etc. This is without me asking her. Now believe it not, even with all this grief, I still want her back! With not seeing each other constantly (about twice a week) and having to talk via BlackBerry messenger or MSN, we have an amazingly open relationship where we can talk about anything. When we split, she asked me if I’d still book a day off work to spend together as friends, so I said I’d have a look etc, and today arranged it for a week next Monday.This weekend I went roubnd Linda's to drop off and pick up my dog, and everytime she was there with Josh. Me and him have always been friends since we met, so we instantly started play fighting and laughing about like we normally do, however the reception off Lisa I'd say was pretty icey - before you ask, no, Josh doesn't know about the last 2yrs, but he knows we're not allowed to speak and why. I know this sounds pretty screwed up, but I really do love her so much and just want her back. I was always pretty screwed up and depressed until we got together, and it’s only with her I’ve come out of it, and become genuinely happy. Any ideas on this one? Sorry if it’s pretty confusing, I’ve just tried to explain the entire thing, but give me a yell if anything needs clearing up
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 This is a really hard situation for you to be in i feel sorry for you, ok i think her mum was right to a point she saw how you were with her other daughter and the nasty break up therefore she is just looking out for her other daughter as she doesnt want her hurt either, but she took it a little bit to far at the end of the day her daughter should be able to live her own life the way she wants, also in saying that she needs to stand up to her mum and it looks like she will never do that now so im not sure that you have much of a choice now but to let her go. I know it is hard and it will take time but you need to try and distance yourself from her i understand that you are going to bump in to her now and again through friends but dont message her and put some distance between you both tel her you need some space to get over her as you love her and it is killing you to have so much contact with her knowing that you cant have her.
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