A
female
age
51-59,
*he Mom
writes:We've been living together for almost 13 years. After all the reading on the internet I realize that it is an emotionally abusive relationship. No wonder I've been miserable for 12 of those years. We just bought a house 1 year ago, and have $40,000.00 in loans. He had to have another motorcycle and all the fancy bling parts for it. With 150K in debt, I want to leave but how can I with all this debt? I haven't talked to him about my real feelings in 8+ years. It's easier to ignore my feelings and keep his rants to a minimum. I have a daughter that lives with us and I don't want her to end up miserable like me. How can I get out and not file for bankruptcy. I have opened a "leaving" bank account but there is not enough in there to leave.
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male
reader, mr antonio  +, writes (28 April 2010):
 you need to spread your wings and just fly dont worry about the outcome.you sound like a person who is gonna be good.dont let the green paper bullshit stop your life.bills can wait do for you and your daughter live happy.because in the end the only thing you leave with is your expreience and the love you gave not the bills baby
A
female
reader, Midge  +, writes (28 April 2010):
 Where theres a will, theres a way! If it came down to it, I would rather be in debt and happy, than be debt free and miserable! Even with 150k in debts, it would mean that all the assets would need to be sold in order to pay the loans and anything that is not paid off after you've sold everything is then split 50/50. Even if everything is sold for say 70k, it would mean the deficit is 80k of which you would have to pay back 40k. A lot of money, but it would mean that you were able to get on with your life without him.
Also, most companies that you owed money to would help you set up a reasonable payment plan so long as you had a job. Most of the time, they are happy so long as you are paying something because if they took you to court, the judge would find that so long as you are paying something each month, you are still paying your debt. Also, most companies would be happy to stop adding interest if you advised them that you are trying to clear all your debts. Just be honest with them!
So far as actually leaving him is concerned, you just have to sit down with him and be honest. Dont beat around the bush! The longer you leave it, the more difficult it will be to do it, so just get in there and tell him what you want!
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (28 April 2010):
 You don't need to file for bankruptcy just sale what you both own to get out of the debt. Its always hard to leave your spouse and mainly with little money, but you can go to family while you get back on your feet. Their are supports groups that help women and children get away from abusive husband. Don't wait till its to late get out ASAP!
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A
female
reader, ladyjaye +, writes (28 April 2010):
 Look on the internet for support groups in your area... and be sure to delete the history from the computer!! you could also ask the bank what proportion of the debt you would have to pay and the options available in order to help you pay it. ensure you have a job when you leave, please dont wait until you have "leaving funds" as this maybe you just making an excuse to stay in your security blanket... there are organisations to help you out of this, use them... gud luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): 150K in debt? How much are the items you own together worth? Surely the house is worth some?
Are you splitting the bond equally? Are you both listed as home and motorcycle owners?
If you are living in a relationship like that it's most likely the best to leave it like you're planning to.
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