A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi i was with my ex for years and we just recently split. i think it was mostly my fault because i changed after i was raped by a man i used to work with. my ex didn't know about the attack and i didn't tell him till after we split up but i wont tell him the name of the man cause he will try to find him.do you think i did wrong by not telling him because i new he would be upset with it or should i have told him when it happened. do you think we should actually meet and talk bout it cause i only really sad about it on msn when he told me he was going on dates and we only split but he says he still loves me im so confused
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female
reader, keepitreal03  +, writes (11 April 2009):
Why did u brake up? Was it issues due to the rape like u acting different?? If so I think telling him would have been a good idea but u can't take back the past. Just tell him all the reasons why u didn't tell him. One because u didn't want him to hurt the guy. But I feel. U Should have told the police to that's really serious. Good luck
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (11 April 2009):
 Sweetheart, I think you should still be with your boyfriend. He still loves you, you still love him. What has come between you is another man's dreadful act, and you not knowing what to do, how to cope, with what happened. I'm sure your boyfriend will forgive you for not telling him straight away, because I know that shame is one of the strongest things rape victims feel, and I can understand how you wouldn't have wanted to tell your boyfriend what had been done to you.
To be honest, I think you should meet him as soon as possible, tell him you still love him and want to be with him, and tell him everything that happened in the rape - everything. I almost think you should also tell him the name of the man, because I think the man should be found and caught. I know, though, that you might be scared about that, and scared about your boyfriend getting into trouble if he did something to the man.
Meet him and talk - that's the first thing. And if you don't want him going on dates, tell him - take him back.
Ask yourself, if this rape hadn't happened, would you still be together? If the answer is 'yes', then you should be together now, and deal with the rape together.
nxx
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