A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm really confused and a but hurt. I just started dating again after a painful breakup and it seems every guy I date is not serious at all. I finally hit it off with "John ". He texted or called me everyday for 3 weeks while he was out of town on vacation. He met up with me less than 24 hours after he got back. We had long meaningful conversations. He is 29 years old and came out of a 3 year relationship in January and said he's ready to move on. Well he literally begged me to go visit him after our first face to face date. I said I didn't think it was a good idea so soon but gave in. We had a very nice date and we talked a lot. He also invited me to a party at his boss" home in a few weeks. But we got pretty tipsy and hooked up back at his place. We started to have sex but I changed my mind and said I can't do this. I crashed at his place since we were drinking. He was very nice the next day. Then he started the " I'm going to be busy all weekend" story. He texted me the next day to say hello. That was Sunday. I haven't heard from him again. I'm mad because I see that he has logged into the dating site we met on. I know he's really busy and works crazy hours as a policeman but had time to log into the dating website. Should I say something or just delete him? I feel like an idiot because he'd rather search the site than send me a simple text or call. Instead he blames his job.
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female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (16 November 2011):
Did you get really close to having sex, or were you actually having sex before you exclaimed you just couldn't do it? Either way, just so you know for future encounters...saying you just can't do it is pretty much telling a guy you just aren't that into him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011): if you do that, you are overreacting and he would say goodbye to you anyways for behaving with such flighty emotional vigor. Keep your cool. He must be keeping his options open, which is a clear sign for you to do the same. That doesn't mean you can't see and be with eachother. Just take a step back emotionally and match his pace. Don't put all your eggs in one basket since he isn't ready to either. Wait and be patient for him to come around. Be a little cold and distant. Give him a similar attitude and see how he reacts. I'm a guy and when a girl does this, it seems to make me more attracted to them. It is a psychological aspect of the "game". Everybody wants a challenge so try to be more challenging than the other girls he meets and you can keep him for as long as you wish. Ignore him a little and he will react more. He will become curious and that is what you must do. It will be tough, you may question it, but it must be done.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 November 2011):
 It sounds like he is a bit of a player. You refused to be intimate with him therefore he chose to just move on. It sounds like those weeks of deep meaningful conversations were all just part of his plan to get you in to bed. My guess is that maybe you have had a lucky escape. My best advice would be to just not contact him and move on with your life. It is his lose not yours. I am sorry that you have yet met another guy who just does not seem to be serious. But don't give up hope because there are plenty of genuine nice men out there.
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