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female
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*inaed0457
writes: i have been living with my partner for 2yrs and planned marriage, i loved him so much but now he has broke my heart,he said he watched porn once in a blue moon but i discovered otherwise-and what he watches is making me sick,all the girls look undeveloped and look around 14 although the site is legal,he dont like to see a man touching them just themselves,the younger more innocent the better.he told me its what all men want to see young virgins.he is 50yr and i am 49 and very attractive unlike him.he said he never went with a woman until he was 24 is this something to do with it and he said he would stop but i dont think he could i once seen a child lookin at a mans bits on his computer his upskirts site what am i living with.
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female
reader, IGetIt  +, writes (20 November 2008):
Dear Male Reader from May 14, I know how you feel. I haven't been with a man my age in 20 years. My current lover is 13 years my junior, my previous was 12 yrs younger, and the one before that was 10 years younger. It's because I just can't get into men my age or older men because their bodies just can't compete with the men my age.
Okay, everything above is true except for the last sentence. Yes, I do seem to be with younger men mostly, but do you honestly think it's about their bodies and not about love? Your response was horribly cruel and even more shallow. Don't project your childish opinions on all men. If what you said is true, how do you explain the men that are with me, a woman who looks all of my 58 years? And if what you say were true, why wouldn't all women just hang it up after 35?
Sinaed, the sites your husband visits may be legal but they obviously are using women who do look very young. And you're right to be concerned about his preference. And it hurts you--that's what counts. Your deep pain need attention, don't talk yourself out of that. Take care, Dear
A
female
reader, thinky +, writes (17 September 2008):
Sinaed,
Please disregard the "male anonymous reader" below. He didn't have the courage to sign in under a username and sounds like a misogynist twit...
You say you find your husband not attractive. He in turn describes the porn he watches in terms which are markedly disrespectful to both you and the girls in question. Unfortunately it doesn't sound like a particularly healthy relationship on either side.
AFAIK it is not normal to seek out girls who look like they've never had sex before in porn, so don't buy his excuse that it's "every man's" dream. If they really are about 14, the site is not "legal", but committing a serious crime behind the front of legality. If I were you, I would consider reporting the site, but of course you have to bear in mind the implications this might have for you personally.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): "i am 49 and very attractive unlike him"
You sound like you are full of yourself or fat.
Lose some weight, stay off the internet and get back in the kitchen.
You write like a 12 year old so maybe that is confusing him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): At the risk of being blunt, let me just say that it sounds to me like you're just jealous of the young women in those porn movies. None of them are 14. Most of them are probably well into their 20's. You need to accept reality and realize that you're not a young woman anymore and that you can't compete with them based on looks. Any normal man in your age range is going to like the raw physical beauty of younger women. It's just natural. You need to leave your jealousy and insecurities behind and learn to supersede that youthful beauty with charm, sophistication, and emotional intimacy. It doesn't do any good to try and vilify your partners perfectly normal attraction to sexy young women. You're best bet is to confidently assert yourself as a mature woman and stop mentally competing with and comparing yourself to these 20 something year olds in those porn movies. They're no threat to you except in your mind. Once you realize that you won't worry about them anymore.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): I fell in love with a man who was quite a bit older than me. I found images like the ones you describe on his 'history' on his pc. I couldnt believe it and he denyed accessing the stuff. I was disgusted as this kind of stuff is abhorent to me. I tried to justify it because I loved him so very much and didnt want to believe it. I left him alone and never saw him again because I knew in my heart this is tantamount to child abuse. I think you will never really get this out of your mind and put it behind you particularly when in the presence of young girls. Your doubts about the nature of his sexuality will eventually ruin the relationship anyway. Do what I did find a normal man, you will get over it in time. Looking at this kind of material is very disturbing and although lots of men do, this does not make it acceptable. I know its hard when you love someone but you cant kid yourself that this behaviour is normal as it clearly isnt. Good luck you have my empathy and understanding.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007): If you have a problem with it he should understand and honor you by not watching it. Most guys think that they are the only ones with girlfriends or wives that are disgusted by porn and disagree with their man watching or looking at it. If you have enough respect for your lover then you will pry yourself away from the things she doesn't like, just as she would turn away from things you didn't agree with. If she has a problem with it, perhaps it is something deeper in her or the relationship that holds her back from knowing that you don't just do it to look at the other girls. Maybe there is a past insecurity where she has been hurt. You need to understand this and help her with it. Not beat her up about it and lie to cover your own ass. If you look or see something, let her know so that she learns that she can trust you without you holding back just because you think she will get mad. Yes, she probably will, but in the end, you told her the truth, and she'll realize that and start trusting you and maybe accept that you don't always seek things out, sometimes it's just un-avoidable.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): i know what your talking about, my boyfriend did that same thing ...its really a funny story, but then again everytime we ever do anything passionate i always think of him watching that porn and saying her "name" or "names" it messes with me but i kno he's the one. i cant recover from that , but i dont kno how to trust someone who just lied to my face multipule times. when you reply to this i will tell you the whole story. if your interested.
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A
female
reader, leaa +, writes (19 September 2006):
Be very careful before you commit yourself to this man.
You could be heading for a disasterous future together, if one. enjoy watching women is one fact, but enjoy viewing younger girls is another.
He needs to seek help and advice.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Ainslie +, writes (14 September 2006):
 Mm, toughie.
I know there are websites where the models are all 18 and over, but they're digitally altered and made-up to look like girls around 12-14 years old.
With a normal porn situation I would say "As long as it isn't harming your relationship, let him have his jollies." Though obviously looking at what appears to be young girls is NOT normal, and it IS hurting your relationship.
Talk to him. Tell him you find it disturbing that he likes looking at "innocent young virgins". If he can't change it, I think it's time to move on.
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A
male
reader, Herr Professor +, writes (14 September 2006):
 NO! All men DO NOT want to look at virginal, prepubescent girls. it doesn't matter whether the site is legal or not. Maybe the models are legally adults. The point is that he gets on girls who look like kids. If he does that, it's not a long leap to the real thing. I'm usually the most open-minded, tolerant guy around, but looking at kids is sick and destructive, and it sounds as if he is addicted. You can block that sort of thing, and I'd do it pronto, and see how he reacts. If he can't give it up, you need to give him up.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2006): GROSS, get out while you can and call the police to report this man.
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female
reader, smeedle +, writes (14 September 2006):
 My heart goes out to you, be strong and listen to what ponungalungb has to say.
I worked with sex offenders for 20 years and believe me most like to look at the stuff he looks at and then it does oftern move on to searching for the "real" thing.
Bin him and save yourself the heartache in the long term, finish it fast and cleanly and move on to a decent more normal man who is not into images of children also report the site as it maybe using underage girls.
Lots of sites use girls from poor countries and the younger looking the better but none of these girls do what they do because they like it, it is because money is given to them and they are desperate.
Good luck, dont try to find a reason for why he does what he does, just know that he does it and it wont stop it is like a habit and will only get worse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2006): Porn is not normal the male poster below is WRONG. Porn is disgusting it objectifies women and anyone who condones it has no respecet for you or any other women
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (14 September 2006):
 I think you're living with a creepy old fart.
There is a show in the states that shows sting operations where older men are caught trying to hook up with young teenagers. Some of these guys drive hundreds of miles and show up at the door with a six-pack of beer, thinking they are going to have sex with a teenie-bopper. They soon discover that the teenie-bopper has been planted by the police department and the slime-ball gets arrested.
There are laws against child pornography in the states. I don't know where you live, but I think it's time to pull the plug on the computer, before "Uncle Fester" starts roaming the streets looking for a live one to feed his fantasy.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, SabreWolf +, writes (14 September 2006):
Pornographic preferences vary from man to man, and you do need to understand that this is a fairly normal thing even for older men. Pornography is basically a way for guys to indulge their curiosity without actually committing acts - in translation, just because he's looking at nubile girls on the web doesn't mean that he's going to be checking out girls at the local high-school (HOPEFULLY). You're definitely within your right to talk with him about it and express your disapproval, and make sure he's not looking at girls in a way more than just idle curiosity. Just know that this isn't an unnatural thing for guys to do and don't be too angry at him for what is a natural male libido. I bet you're still the only woman for him :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2006): some people say there only pictures i say there pictures of a child being raped!
only you know 4 sure how young the girls in these pictures are and if there kids i shouldnt have to tell you what to do.
and id say if the are kids ur living with a paedophile
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