A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:In the last year, I've had occassions where I've gotten very upset over something which I'm not even certain happened or whether I've got the right end of the stick. The situations both involve other people, who I've felt have been getting at me indirectly or making fun of me, sniping at me behind my back.In one example, we had both been drinking and my good friend was poking fun at my sexuality and my dress-sense. He's not the best drunk because he gets clumsy, self-conscious and obviously loses his inhibitions after a few shots. He was rattling on asking things that made me uncomfortable, and being a bit annoying. So I figured if I felt someone was making me feel uncomfortable that I should say something jokingly along the lines "leave it out" or "okay you can stop now, you're annoying me" to get the message across. But he continued as usual. I eventually lost my temper and just said "what is your problem, why are you behaving like an arsehole?...etc etc etc" and took him by the arm to sit down and explain to me giving him examples of what I found offensive about things he'd said. He completely denied he had any problem and claimed a disparity between him American and my British humour, but I didn't find this very convincing. And then he continued to argue that we both made fun of each other and that was our thing and because it was just us two that maybe I had got the wrong end of the stick. I told him that I never make fun of personal things like his dress sense, appearance and sexuality, so why did he think he could mine. He apologised and said that he was sorry to have offended me and I said what's done is done and that was that.What I want to know is did I do the right thing? Was it a good idea to confront someone drunkenly especially when they are very nice people when sober. It's very hard to know when someone is being sincere and it seems he's very insecure about his own dress sense and appearance and feels the need to compensate for that by insulting my own. I guess by confronting him I've drawn some lines that make it clear what my comfort zones are, but at the same time, was it harsh if he wasn't even aware that he was doing it?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (26 October 2008):
He was pissing you off, you picked him up on it, he stopped.
End of.
It's all fine. Stop over analysing and go out and have a good time with your mate.
Good Luck!! xx
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