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He was insecure about his size and I think I have made it worse

Tagged as: Big Questions, Online dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 September 2010) 9 Answers - (Newest, 14 September 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Sat here feeling terrible - okay so I met a guy on a dating site three months ago we have been talking every day.Just last week he confided in me that he was embarrassed about the size of his manhood tonight we met and later in the evening we started getting very intimate we ended up having a really nice time (with protection of course). However afterwards I felt that there was just something missing (Not in a sexual way) and I told him that perhaps it is better if we just stay friends - he left visibly upset. I feel awful I'm scared he will think his manhood put me off but it didn't - it was the situation that didn't feel right. He sent me a text which I replied too but he has not sent any since, I can't stop crying I feel like I have really hurt this man and he is lovely he's just not for me. It bothers me that I have hurt him though - I don't know what to do any suggestions?

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A male reader, johnsocali United States +, writes (14 September 2010):

johnsocali agony auntIf I liked a woman enough to have intamacy (sex) with her, than I would give it a few more times. There is no way that while I am having sex with a new partner that just because the 1st time there were no sparks that I would just say; I just want to be friends and dump her! If I did that all my life I would end up with hundreds of partners and thats certainly not whom I want to be and certainly not who I am.

You liked him enough to explore sex with him once to start with and chatted to become friends for 3 months, maybe you should give yourself a couple more chances to get to know him by true communication. Honesty always helps and who knows, maybe the sparks will come some day. Now after 5 times, lots of communication, no sparks, then telling him the truth might actually be good for him if you can manage to remain his friend. Maybe you can be his mentor? Some boys need an older womans approach to learn how to be with girls of his own age? Unlike me, some men need to be told what to do, lol.

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A female reader, loopy United States +, writes (14 September 2010):

loopy agony auntwhether it helps this time I think not. but in the future if you are put to such a likelyhood of Small penis sex. My personal solution is Accepted by a lot of mky Friends I inflate a condom to about 6 inches and not ecpanded beyond the rim size. Insert it into my Vagina tip first. with or with out his knowladge your choice he WILL NOT feel it, even W/cunnilingus men have never noticed I was STUFFED, for them.when they make the prnetration exploloration it will focus the balance of the MEAT up to the top of your vigina often resulting in a G spot orgasm instead of a wiggle in the dark. They meet resistance that is transferred to your walls and crevix giving you the best of pressures. if it is someone whom I have delt with and trust is two ways I put a small SUPER ball [about the size of a quarter] in before inflating it. it has rom to race around inside and tap you on the back of the clitoris Gee Whillikers Spot. If your mate of the moment is adventurous. Wal-Mart sells A kids Toy that resembles a squshiy SEA urchin only latex soft spikes and big as a jelly glass. inflated Condum appearance.with a small hard lighted ball already in it. makes me really excited when MR 4.75 tops Mt venus. And ALSO,I can wear it around the house for an occational thrill to Slap my clit about. Never try to tell a stubby it is long enough, just tell him he hit's all the right places. and no painfull aftercramps.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Just popping back to say thank you to all who responded - thank you so much.

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A female reader, LOSTasYOU United States +, writes (11 September 2010):

LOSTasYOU agony auntWell all I can say is that this man had a self-esteem issue way before you even came into the picture. I'm sure you probably tried explaining yourself to him repeatedly that his "MANHOOD" wasn't the case but what more could you possibly do? You didn't make it worse, you were being honest and telling him how you really felt and if he decides to take it the wrong way even after you explained yourself, then honey the problem isn't you, ITS HIM.Let him deal wit his issues.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010):

First, ask yourself if you are OK with a small one. If you care for him, you should be. Next, I would tell him you want to see his penis again. Tell him you are excited thinking about it, even if it is smaller, and you dont care...you are just so crazy for him. Maybe make up a story that you prefer smaller because bigger hurts, or you have only slim vibes or whatever. In other words, create an illusion that you prefer smaller ones. Most guys who are small or average think they are a dissapointment to women. I myself have at times wished I was larger, but I have now accepted that I am average, and most women prefer average. If he is microscopic, I could see why you'd be upset, but maybe make sure he understands that lesbians get off with NO penis...so it isn't at all about the penis at all...is it? He needs to understand this. But whatever you do, be honest with yourself first. Nothing is worse than a guy who gets lied to about his size, and then finds out later he is undersized for her.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010):

If you feel that bad for him I am sure he'd fancy another go at it. I know that would absolutely convince me it wasn't about the size of my penis. You could tell him that you just want to stay friends but because of his amazing skills in bed you just have to have him one last time. Then you can go on without having to cry, so this would help you and him.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010):

He wants to date, you don't. You had sex, it was good but they guy is a serial killer, or something else that you picked up on and you told him you don't want to be b/f g/f. Don't let it bother you. He will get over it and you don't have to be friends or lovers. He got laid and should be very happy with that. If he's not then he has a lot more to worry about than the size of his penis. Seriously, people date to try to figure out if they are compatible, if the guy isn't for you and you know it, you're doing him a big favor by cutting him loose. Hell, he may meet the woman of his dreams next week and if you didn't tell him to get lost he'd have missed it. So be happy with yourself and stop crying; hell he couldn't have been all that lovely. (I bet I am at least 2 to 3 times as lovely...)

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A male reader, $izZle India +, writes (11 September 2010):

$izZle agony auntSarcasm

LOL if you didn't feel right why did you continue with him and if the situation didn't feel right why would you have s3x with him ....

Circumstances

anyways looking at the situation all I can say is he must be feeling used like some1 wanted to have s3x and took advantage of him and just let him go and there is the emotional part as well he must have had feelings for you and he felt crushed...

Possible solution

look face it he is obviously hurt and is not in the mood to talk about it so just apologize and say you are sorry just be honest with him and tell him what happen .... obviously he needs some time .... so let it marinate for a while and see if you get a reply

hey! its going to be ok just take some time out he will be alright too just have some faith ...

I'm sorry if I came in a little too harsh but I had a girl who made promises and broke my heart after almost 18 months and said lets just be friends and she said that she is madly in love with me at the same time ... so I know how he must be feeling right now .... I'm sorry if I made you feel bad :( hey! sweety things will be ok forgive me sometimes I have a big mouth :S d(.)b

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010):

Sweetness take it easy you did nothing wrong. You're a young beautiful princess, and you have all the right to choose who may touch your body and who may not. He sounds like very insecure and actually pathetic. I can totally see why you have dumped him. If he keeps calling block his number, and if he remained persistent then report him to the police. This is what he deserves. I am proud of you for knowing what you want and knowing when to say no when you're feeling uncomfortable.

Best luck,

Emily

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