A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:There is this guy I really like and we are good friends. I like him more than a friend. He got out of a long term relationship last summer. His girlfriend left him for another guy. He has been dating but isn't involved seriously with anyone. He is having fun and having sex with women without any attachments. I think he might be enjoying his freedom and maybe afraid to get burned because his last girlfriend left him. But our attachment is deeper and more emotional and there is a physical attraction but we have not gone further.I am not doing anything because I am not a wham bam thank you ma'am kind of a girl. I have told him this and he knows. But we both know we have feelings for each other and continue our friendship without pursuing anything more. I think I keep hanging on hoping that someday he will want to go further than just friendship.I am afraid my feelings are running deeper and I am not sure how long I can do this without getting in further and getting hurt if he is not willing to get serious and is just having fun with other girls. He does know how I feel because I told him but did not say anything to me either way. Nothing positive and nothing negative. He is just continuing the friendship as it always was but with lots of heavy flirting and he is always having these deep personal conversations with me. I am not sure if he is leading me on purposely or by accident or just wants me around for when he decides to get serious because I am the girl he would take home to mom. I feel like I am being put on ice for when he is ready. And even then there is no guarantee because he has not come out and told me how he feels. I am picking it up in his actions. A girl just knows but who knows, maybe I am just stupid!Any advice on what to do? I am in deep right now. Cutting his friendship would hurt me very badly. I would be suffering a broken heart. But staying is also hurting me very badly by watching him have no strings daliances with other women and not asking me out on a proper date and moving forward with me.If he really and truly cared about me, would he be doing this or would he not just want to be with me? I am having a hard time with all of it. Can a man really care about one girl who has his heart and still have sex with other girls? How is this possible?It's like he doesn't want to take a step forward with me but he doesn't want me to walk away or end up with another guy either. This really sucks!!Please help me decide what to do!!! Thank you everyone!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): I've been in a situation like this before. You need to stop following him around like a puppy dog waiting for scraps. There are three paths that this relationship might take: 1) you stick around and wait for him to make up his mind while you remain miserable. 2) You go on some other dates, or at least tell him you are. If he asks how your dates went, don't divulge many details, just tell him you had a nice time and THAT'S IT! He gets jealous and cuts the crap of doing the other girl thing and gets serious about you. OR 3) You go out on other dates and find someone better because he only likes you as a friend. He can remain your friend but you need to cut this 'I'm here when you're ready' stuff. That's a turn off for guys, they are primal hunters and if he really likes you, he will get jealous and want you for his own. OR he'll be happy when you've found someone and he didn't have to let you down the hard way. When I was in this situation, it took me so long to figure this out, but then it became so easy. It sucks, but if he's going to play these games with you, then you have to not get sucked in. Good Luck!
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (26 March 2012):
 You should walk away...in fact you should run...screaming if necessary!!!
Guy doesn't want you!!
Please take note of what the other aunts here have said...especially GRYMSOUL, because he would probably also tell you that it's one of the oldest tricks in the book.
Whatever is going on in your head, whatever analysing or fairy story you are convincing yourself with is keeping you firmly and squarely on the hook, and that is where you will stay until this guy finds the girl he wants to be with...but it ain't never goona be you sister!!!
Painful?.. you bet!
Agonisingly heartbreaking?...absolutely!
Can you get over it?...Yes if you cut the cord now and don't look back EVER!!
I was in this situation for 5 years with someone. FIVE VERY LONG YEARS!!!
Exactly same thing. Guy kept me close, friends, laughs, nights out, emotional chats, long heartfelt discussions late into the night, but he continued to date elsewhere.I told him how I felt and he said nothing, avoided anything to do with 'me and him' arrangements and always kept me guessing.
When he found 'the one' he dropped me like a stone and it was like we had never met...yep painful!!
Cut contact, walk away, do it now!!! save yourself.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 March 2012):
 Seems like you two aren't on the same page or in the same book. I would not stay friends with him, and you need to move on from the idea that he suddenly will realize that YOU are the one. Being friends with someone you have a crush on when all they want is sex, is never a good idea.
He isn't really ready for relationship or capable of them at the moment.
And I think you are being smart in not sleeping with him.
Move on, honey.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2012): Its not fair to expect you to hang around waiting.He knows how you feel because you told him. Yet he continues to play the field whilst flirting heavily with you and basically dangling a carrot - him - in front of you.
If it was me I would run not walk away, I wouldn't be wasting time waiting to see if he suddenly decides that you are 'the one'.Look at his actions don't listen to his chat.
Don't be available, be gone.
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A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (26 March 2012):
 "It's like he doesn't want to take a step forward with me but he doesn't want me to walk away or end up with another guy either. This really sucks!!"
It's called having your cake and eating it too. He doesn't want to take a step forward because he doesn't want to be under the restraints of a relationship again. He's enjoying his freedom and your trying to jeapordize it by wanting something serious with him.
"Can a man really care about one girl who has his heart and still have sex with other girls? How is this possible?" The short answer is no. He cares about you, alright. But not in the way you hope for. He flirts with you in hopes of getting into your pants because you are still a gift he has yet to open. If he truly liked you then he would invest more value into your friendship. He obviously just sees you as another sheathe for his -ahem- which is why he doesn't care if you're aware that he is openly playing the field.
"I am not sure if he is leading me on purposely or by accident or just wants me around for when he decides to get serious because I am the girl he would take home to mom. I feel like I am being put on ice for when he is ready. And even then there is no guarantee because he has not come out and told me how he feels. I am picking it up in his actions. A girl just knows but who knows, maybe I am just stupid!" It isn't going to get serious. You've already proven yourself to be the girl who will stand idly by as he gets his fun in. His actions says that he doesn't love you or want you to be the one. His actions says "I want you to be here when I get bored of other girls"
You're the one doing this to yourself. You're allowing him to string you along as he have sex with countless other women. You think because he pays you attention he wants to become something more with you in the future. A man knows who he wants and who he doesn't want. Even after knowing your true feelings, he continues to sleep around, not even returning positive or negative feedback to you. Going on your actions so far, he knows that you'll stick around and give him what he wants someday: your body. You're mistaking his flirtatious gestures for signs of future attraction. Everything he's saying is coming from the little brain in his pants. Once you've given up the prize then he will have no reason to pursue you so heavily anymore.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2012): I think you need to end it now, if he wants to be with you he should do it- if he wanted to get involved with you he would. Don't shut out other possibilities in your life, just let this one go. It will be a lot less painful to end it than it will to watch him play the field. In addition, I would avoid loving anyone who doesn't love you back, it's pretty much a waste of your time in romantic relationships.
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