A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a total mess emotionally. My boyfriend is now living in another country and wants me there. He is getting very frustrated at how long it is taking me to make the move out to be with him but I am getting really cold feet and cannot for the life of me decide. Its not just saying goodbye to people its that i am worried I will be making such a huge commitment and we have not lived together yet - even in the UK. I have run out of time and money to give it a 'trial' period with him out there (Oz). I seem to go from a feeling of real excitement and joy at the thought of a new life with him and then total despair at the huge task ahead and what will happen to me if it all goes wrong. I have known him just over 2 years. It is costing a lot of money to do all this and I feel a bit taken for granted even though he has a house 'waiting' for me. Again sometimes I feel so loved and happy and other times just feel brainwashed and pressurised. I have lost all thought as to whether this is the right thing or not and my closest friend seems to have given up listening or advising me. To add to this my family don't even know I'm really properly considering the move out as they didn't take our relationship at all seriously when he was in the UK (I had been in a difficult marriage before and they did not approve of my splitting up) and are very judgemental - I would be talked out of it all in an instant if they got involved - so I don't have anyone to talk to. To "just go for it" is easy to say but its so much harder to know the right thing and I'm desperately trying to make this decision on my own so that I know it has not been influenced - I'm so confused though. I don't know how to get my thinking straight. Whilst my boyfriend is a lovely guy and I know day to day will look after me he seems to not register even the legal, financial and 'responsible' things that need to happen to make it all viable for me. He is a natural optimist so I know this is one of the reasons it does not even register with him... but I'm worried it is an indication he is not that responsible - and long term that is an important. I try and talk to him about this kind of thing and he gets irritated. I feel like I'm on a knife edge but I really have to make my mind up very very soon.
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female
reader, kirstylouise +, writes (2 January 2008):
Hay - what a dilema.
Have you spoken to your partner about your fears of moving? What is his responce?
I think somethimes in life chances and opportunities come your way that both scare and excite us and its up to us to choose if were brave enough to take a chance.
If you were to move to Oz what would be the worst that could happen, i mean you could always come home! Is there any chance you could ask for a 1 year sabaticle from work? That way if you don't feel happy in Oz you've got a job to come home to. Some people invest money into assest ie a small flat or a business so they know that they've always got doors open for then if ever they were to change their mind.
Personally I think you need to take a chance and give it a go.
Best of luck xoxo
A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (2 January 2008):
 Hon, you are in a very difficult situation, I know.
The only thing anyone is going to be able to do for you is give you ideas and suggestions.
Here's mine.
If you love him as much as I love my wife you will go to be with him no matter where it is.
I live 2000 miles (3218 Kilometers) from my mother and one of my two brothers.
I do so wish to be in that part of the country again. (As far northwest as you can go in the USA)
But as long as my wife wishes to stay where we are I will be content to remain here with her.
I have done this from the first eight months we were married. We got married in NW Washington state. When she got pregnant she decided she wanted to be with her mother when she had the baby. It was a tough decision for me to make but soon we were on our way to Southern California in east Los Angeles County where we both grew up.
Hard to believe that was almost 28 years ago.
However, the point I am making is this; If you love him and you are sure you want to spend the rest of your life with him then go.
I love my wife more than life itself and I would never do anything to hurt her. Sometimes I cannot even express in words how much I love her, so for me, if she was to tell me she wanted to move to China I would find a way.
Sorry for being so long winded here but that is my take on the subject. I hope you make the right decision for the both of you. Doc
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