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He wants me to break up with my b/f but he won't commit to me

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 July 2009) 1 Answers - (Newest, 14 July 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hello!

Im am slightly confussed about this guy that I have a thing for online ...

Okay, I'll tell you a few details; We've been chatting online for over a year now - I'm a student + I work weekends and he is a manager on a cruise ship which he has to go away for work every 3 months for 4 months... anways, so this therefore made it hard for the two of us to meet - but we always spoke about meeting and then we were both able to agree on a date; which happened. It was great! we got on so well, he is jst the same as online - but, He is 45 I'm 22 - I dont care about age and neither does he. we went back to his hotel room - he came over to stay in my city for the weekend - but we did not sleep togeather - as i made it very clear that i dont do that on the first date - but we fooled around :O .. anways, we made love in the morning, it was aamzing, during the night i sletp in his arms and we jst spoke until the early wee hours of the morning. online, the subjects we talk about are either "what we are going to do to each other" and "everyday things" .. anyways, at the airport before he went home he asked me to go back to belfast with him - it went like this "you could come to belfast with me?" .. " what now?" .. "Yeah why not" .. I couldnt tho, I didnt have a passport, a driving liscence and his flight was in half an hour which meant i couldnt go home and get my stuff - anways, after i left him, we were texting each other b4 he got on the [plane and agreed we will meet again. a few days after he left i ended up gettin a wee bit drunk and told him that i really liekd him - after exchanging a few texts he said ''lets see how things in the next few months go .. no committments'' hich really upset me as i felt used for sex. anways, a couple of days after he explained that he does like me and that he jst wants to see wht happens as we have only met the once and it took so long to happne - which i then agreed with - fair enough! .. so we've both agreed that i will now be going to to belfast when he finishes work in october - which we both cannot wait for. My mate messaged me on facebook saying something about a new man .. as this guy likes me and i went out with him a few times and she thought he was my bf - and he then stephen - my online crush! .. seen it on my facebook and asked me if im going out with Sean - which i said no, cuase i wasnt lol but i ended up goin out with him and i told stephen that although i like him, i felt that belfast should not happen anymore and maybe we shouldnt chat the way we do as i have a bf and it wouldnt be very fair on him - he wasnt happy with it, and kept saying ''we'll see'' which then i got a wee bit angry and starting tellin him no, we wont, me and you arent getting togeather. So then that night i got drunk and felt bad about what i had said to stephen so i came on msn (bad idea) and sent him a number of messages and a very very long email! telling him that if he wants me to end it with sean i will cause i only want him. i woke up so emabrassed the next morning after reading what i sent - its so cringey :S

that morning i had an email from him, saying ''hows the hangover? re sean ... is history.

want you so much xxxx

then on msn he left me an offline message saying - so did you dump sean yet?? i sent yuo an email saying wht to do - thenn I said to him to forget my email i was drunk, and that why should i dump my bf when he said no committment and by me doing that woudl mean im committin myself to stephen - get me? he said okay, that he wanted me and cant wait for beflast and he really wants to see where it will go from there - but at first he didnt get what i meant as he fogt about that night he texted me that then he started saying ''well go out with him but no kissing etc ..'' then i said why??? then he said ''cool it off so no one gets hurt, not even me''

so now, he texted asking about if ive finished it with sean, and that he wants me so bad and i texted him the committment thing again

and he replied ''ok then so committment, i want you so bad???'' I asked wht, but he desnt get a great signal on the ship and i got a text from him this morning saying ''morning sexy, how are you? I cant wait til we meet again'' - wht does this guy want from me?!?!?!

do youthink he wants a relationship??

please dont say ask him cause i've done wayy too much of that! lol

xx

View related questions: crush, drunk, facebook, kissing, msn, text

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A male reader, Your friend Australia +, writes (14 July 2009):

Your friend agony auntAs he is unwilling to commit then he has no right to demand anything of you, so you should feel free to anything you want. Given his ongoing hesitation about commitment and your persistence about it you need to be careful that he will say he is committed just to keep you. He is 45, away 3-4 months unwilling to commit and demands you remain faithful to him. You have an unrelationship with him, there isn't anything there to stay for...its time to move on.

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