A
female
age
30-35,
*wasti
writes:Me and my bf love each other very much. He is two years older than me and is pursuing a job now. I am a medical student. These days we were talking about our marriage when one day he said after our marriage i'l have to take the whole responsibility of his parents and home. That was ok with me. I said coz by then i'l be a doctor so after returning from my work i'l handle evrything and take care of his parents. But i think he doesn't agree with that. He wants me to leave my profession and become a housewife. . . . . What should i do now? I just don't want to loose him. Please tell me how can i convince him. . . How can i solve this problem? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Swasti +, writes (12 June 2011):
Swasti is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks guys.... for helping me... i'll surely keep all these points in mind when i next tok 2 him abt this....
A
female
reader, meccamega  +, writes (11 June 2011):
You only have one life, so I think you should do what you want to do! It sounds like he just wants you to be forever dependant on him. You're young so what happens if you breakup? What would you do then?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): Agree to become a Doctor and perhaps look at ways of practicing part time IF you feel this is a good guy and he just is looking for ways to help you and his family.
That is a real possibility or
he could be a bit of a tosser putting it midly.
So try and work out for yourself if he is a bit immature and silly.
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A
female
reader, alcraw  +, writes (10 June 2011):
Is he from the 1920's??? That is ridiculous!! How could you stand being with a man who values sexism!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): This one is an easy one to answer. Decline to take on the 'whole responsibility of his parents and home' and pursue a career in medicine. And do not try to convince him. Make a plan for yourself and stick to it.
Your boyfriend is not looking for a wife,a partner. He wants a personal slave to assist him while he pursues his dreams. As long as you're willing to do anything to please or convince him, he'll have you over a barrel.
If expect to have the kind of life you want you're going to have to take some calculated risks and experience some heartache. It will pass and you'll reap the rewards in the long run.
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A
female
reader, bijou  +, writes (10 June 2011):
This is a very delicate issue and u must handle it with caution if not u risk losing him.u need to pray hard about this and make him understand that you derive joy in being a doctor thats why u went to medecine school, so you can't just throw all that but be very polite and tactical about it because he might think you prefer your career to him. good luck.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (10 June 2011):
 So, you are 16-17 and he is about 18-19? So, he is already deciding your future for you...or rather for HIM?
Do you want to give that kind of control and decision over to someone NOW that is not even your husband?
It sounds like you have your own dreams that are NOT compatible with HIS wishes.
I doubt there is anything you could do to convince him. He sees it as HIS life. When a couple plan a life together, they should see it as OUR LIFE, OUR DREAMS, OUR PLANS.
If it is NOT your dream to be a housewife and assist him, then you need to tell him you are not willing to give up your dream.
You are young and this is NOT the only man that will ever come into yoru life. Find a true companion that supports your very noble dream and goal of becoming a Doctor.
It would be a shame for the world to lose someone like you with all that passion to help others.
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): Hi,
please don't give up your dream to have a career in medicine. You will only end up resenting him if you do. I think he is being selfish asking this of you.
Please think about this carefully as you still are very young.
You never know if in the future he may leave you etc.. And then what will you have? No career or job?
Just think about this xx
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (10 June 2011):
In my opinion you should not sacrifice your dreams and career, especially as you are so young, and clearly intelligent if you are a medical student. If someone really respects you and what you want to do then they will want to make sure you are happy rather than making you fit into their life plan. I would question how much this boyfriend loves you if he wants you to be a housewife against your wishes; I am not saying that there is anything wrong with being a housewife per se, but if it is not what you want then you should not be forced into it.
I personally don't think anyone is worth giving up your career for UNLESS that is what you want. No-one should have the power over you to force you to do anything you don't want. I don't know if you can convince him of this or not; my advice is, if he doesn't come round to your way of thinking you should leave him. Plenty of Indian women successfully combine medical careers and families (I know at least a dozen ladies who have done so), so it's not like it can't be done.
In this case I think you should put your career first. You are only young, though, so don't worry about it too much for now. Just carry on with your studies and get your qualifications.
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