A
female
age
,
*ittleladybug
writes:Over the past almost 3 years I have had a relationship with a man who had just separated from his wife (now divorced over 1½ years). We had many, many ups and downs; 2 short term break-ups, several short term “take-a-breaks”, and a couple of his attempts to get back with his ex. All difficulties were related to him not getting over his ex-wife, though he loved me.It really does seem like that phase is behind us now. He has had therapy, stopped all communications with her (no children), and we are finally able to talk about our future together and discuss me moving in with him. He tells me he loves me often.I find myself in a position where I just don't feel really loved by him. It seriously is interfering in my life and our relationship, I think I need extra attention and romance, which I never really got enough of. It is obvious a great deal of my feelings must stem from the history of our relationship, I also feel a great deal of resentment due to what I have been through. What can I possible do to stop it from ruining our relationship? I love him. Every other aspect of our relationship is good. I just feel like I can't go on like this. I want to end it, but I don't want to make a foolish mistake. I think he is average when it comes to expressing his feelings, and I have tried to ask him for more, and he just does not comply. I feel this is a temporary situation and if he is not willing to give me that extra attention to make me believe he loves me then it just reinforces the notion that he really does not love me enough. It seems he is just not willing to expend the energy to save us. I find myself thinking he would not care if I disappeared sometimes, and other times I know that has got to be wrong. I know if I did feel loved, and secure I would have much more patience. What can I do?
View related questions:
divorce, ex-wife, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, littleladybug +, writes (5 July 2009):
littleladybug is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHis ex-wife has become ill. It has made set him way, way back.
We have parted ways and considering that maybe someday in the future, several months at the least, if it is meant to be, perhaps........I think I am still in shock because I am doing okay.
Thank you.
A
female
reader, flicka23  +, writes (22 June 2009):
 I think you have both been hurt a lot in life and you have not yet recovered fully. You have not forgotten and you are still attached to these painful memories. As for the man you are in love, I think that even after one and a half year he has not yet got over his ex wife. He even tried to return back to his ex wife though he was with you and said he loves you. This clearly demonstrate that he has not yet recovered from his divorce. I really don't think that this man at least for the time being can give you what you expect from him because he is still tormented by his divorce. I won't tell you to leave him because I know that when a woman really loves she wants to keep on having hopes that everything will change. The only thing I can advise is to give him addtional time and both of you should just let go of your painful past as these memories will ruin you present and future life. Hope I've been able to help.
...............................
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (21 June 2009):
 I think that if you feel it stems from the history of your relationship, and not something he's doing right now, therapy might be your best bet. It seems that you are still carrying around a lot of hurt from the past, and that has damaged your secure feeling for yourself. I suggest you don't end the relationship just yet, but talk to a counselor about your feelings instead.
Good luck.
...............................
|
