A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Iam a 53 yr old woman and having relationship problems with my husband of 30 years and it is now to the point where i am having moments of serious anguish.He seems to be no longer interested in sex and I am getting a strong impression that he feels that we are a bit past all that and is quite happy to have me as a friend and housekeeper.I feel quite the opposite and see this time as an opportunity to enjoy each other and relax especially as the kids are grown and we have more time. I have tried many times to broach the subject in a light hearted way but get gently brushed off and then feel slightly humiliated as a result.He will not talk about it and just says there isn't a problem.We have gone off for weekends and it has made little difference,he has had a couple of drinks and fallen asleep.Medically I dont believe there is a problem as he has been to the well man clinics from time to time and been told he,s fighting fit.I am also frustrated because I don't think he can see it from my point of view. Maybe I should just accept things as they are and be grateful I have a good husband in all other ways but can,t help feeling a loss and that I am being taken for granted.I do not want to end the marriage or look for someone else,Ijust want my husband back. What can I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): Well I am a 50 year old man in a 25 plus year relationship, and I still like sex, and so does my wife....there have been a few times where there has been periods of inactivity, maybe a few months, generally stress related, perhaps a bit of depression.So, few questions : 1. Is he depressed, in the medical sense? Get it treated...2. Is he totally uninterested in women now....can't be bothered even looking at them, that kind of thing? That would be a problem.. 3. Are there other health issues-smoking, overweight etc? and 4-Employment-is everything ok at his work? It's easy for people to say "spice it up", but lets face it, after all these years, sex is what happens in your head...do you really want it or just viewing it as a chore. If he views it as a chore, then you really need to get him to talk about it...forget the light hearted approach--sit him down and point blank tell him the current state of affairs is hurting you emotionally, physically etc and it needs to change and change now.Good luck.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (30 April 2008):
 Well fighting fit is a relative term. Lets face it men and women are totally mismatched with their sexual peaks.
A man nearing sixty is not going to be as eager as the guy you married three decades ago.
Try to spice up what remains of your sex life.
I don't think it is lack of love. Just that he is getting old.
Make the sex young again.
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (30 April 2008):
 From what you say I don't think that it's a case of him seeing you as no more than a friend and housekeeper, I think it's more as Tellulah says that he is happy and content being with you and his love may well be far deeper than anything that can be expressed sexually.
But that doesn't help you if you want it. What have you tried? What does he like - or what did he like once? Was there, perhaps, something that he always wanted to do that you hesitated about but that you would be happy to try? Is there, somewhere, some hidden kink or fetish that could be awakened - no, don't be shocked! Nearly everyone has something hidden somewhere in them that they really would like and have never dared to try - usually because by the time they get round to being confident enough to ask their partner they also reach the point that their relationship has settled and it's no longer so important. As long as it's not too extreme, maybe it could awaken the sexual sparkle?
I assume you have tried the usual things like sexy underwear/nightwear? Have you also tried things like asking him to give you a massage to relieve an aching muscle, or offering to massage him when he says he has an ache or pain, and then "straying" a little from the affected area? You might need to be just a little devious about it! Or you might need to start behaving like a flirty teenager again (when I say "again" I don't mean that you were necessarily a flirty teenager - you know what I mean!). The chances are that he still has that old spark in him; you just need to coax it into a roaring fire.
Perhaps I should also mention that my dad has just started dating again. He's 84. It's never to late to re-light that flame.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (30 April 2008):
 Its such a shame, but very common. My partner has had a pretty wild past, and now he is with me he says that sex isnt important to him anymore. I was really upset about this, because I felt un-loved and it really hurt. When I finally got him to talk about the lack of sex, he said its not that he doesnt find me attractive or that he loves me less than anyone else, but more like he feels comfortable and I make him happy so he doesnt need the rampant sex. It sounds like an insult (which I took it as, at first) But now I just please myself in other ways. I had never had a vibrator until I met my partner, and we have only been together for 5 years. But I cannot fault him in any other way, so I guess its not to bad a relationship.
Hope this helps (your not alone)
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