A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid;I'm in my 50's and unfortunately back in the dating world after my husband passed away years ago. I recently went on a meet and greet and the man asked me what year my car was, if I owned or rented, how big was my house. He asked me about my job and when I began to tell him what I did, he stopped me and said no, he wanted to know my title and did I work my way up over the years. Everything seemed directed to my income. When I asked him the same questions back, he said he rents, been at his job three years and was glad he got paid weekly, because he normally runs out until pay day. He called the waitress honey, sweetie and cutie each time he wanted something. I'm to the point, I don't know if I expect too much or would anyone else be put off by this behavior and see this as red flags? Thanks for taking the time to respond. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (28 July 2017):
THOSE ARE BIG FAT RED FLAGS, period.
IMHO, that guy is just another materialistic dude, that's only looking for an extra cash bag to boost his spending.
I would generally stay away from materialistic persons, and I would recommend you to stay away from you. If you ever get in bad financial times, you will certainly get dumped right away.
A guy that is really interested in you will never focus entirely on your finances, and if it does, it would not zealously inquiry about every penny you own.
In a serious relationship, finances get discussed further in the relationship, not on the first date. That's the way you can spot gold diggers.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone! I needed to hear that, I agree it sounded to me like he was looking for a woman who could support his lifestyle.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2017): This guy is not a keeper.
He is just another jerk wasting your time and appears to be well beneath you.
Not only by asking such personal questions which are none of his business but by calling waitresses by such demeaning names.
I suspect this guy is a player who USES women at his whim. I do not see him having much respect for women in general, you included.
We all know that some women use men for their money. I think this is a dead beat guy who is trying to charm a woman into supporting him. Guys like that do exist.
MOVE ON.
This one has LOSER written all over him.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 July 2017):
 Ugh, I would be so put off. An adult man who is only interested in my money because he can't budget his own? Im not interested in a man-child, no thank you.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (26 July 2017):
 He deserved nothing from you because he is still a stranger. It's quite rude of him to want to know stuff like that right off the bat.
To me, this has 'red flag' written all over it.
You should probably just let this one go.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (26 July 2017):
 He called the waitress "cutie"? Really? Sorry, for me THAT would have been the point at which I would have picked up my bag and left.
That aside, no, of course he is not ENTITLED to information about your finances. However, it is POSSIBLE that he was doing this to try to weed out gold diggers. Perhaps he didn't answer your question honestly. Perhaps he actually earns piles of money but doesn't want someone who just wants to go out with him for his money. Perhaps he was asking about your job because he wanted to figure out what sort of person you were with regard to ambition and life goals. However, if this WAS the case, he could have gone about it in other ways than direct questioning on a first meet.
Whatever the situation, he obviously has very blurred boundaries when talking to people, which would ring deafening alarm bells with me. Your post even made me wonder if he had had a bet with his mates to see how badly he could behave on a first meet and STILL get a date.
Like the others, I would definitely write that one off to experience and move on. You deserve better.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 July 2017):
 I ABSOLUTELY agree with WiseOwlE here.
No no no. He is NOT entitled to that information on a simple meet & greet. Are you kidding?
It is OK for you to say that is not something you wish to discuss with a STRANGER. There are other ways to get to know a person than grilling them about their financial situation.
Though he was open to answering the same questions as he asked he also showed you that he was prodding because he is looking for someone who can take care of herself and maybe... HIM too? I also agree that someone who pries about this topic SO soon is more likely looking for a meal-ticket than an independent woman.
I'd let this one go in the no-go pile.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2017): Never ever discuss your finances and personal-information with strangers. You know better than that!
A man questioning your income is a red-banner the size of the state of Texas, girlfriend!
Rule of thumb, don't answer any questions that you wouldn't ask yourself. Don't ever let finances be a topic of discussion! Just confirm you are gainfully employed. Let him judge by your attire and classiness, that you can take care of yourself. You can let him know your profession. In general terms: doctor=healthcare, teacher=education, etc.
If he seems too eager once he knows, you've got a loser on your hands. Don't be quick to accept what you're told, people do lie to impress. Apparently he was too candid about his business. I guess he's letting you know who has to cover the check!
Until you're very very well-acquainted, have been on several dates, it's several months in; then you can delve into more personal-questions about each other.
Still excluding how much you earn and where you work. Until you're a committed-couple, sharing your income and details of your personal-life is TMI...too much information!!!
Come-on, a meet and greet?!! Didn't your mama ever tell you not to divulge your income to strangers?
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