A
female
age
41-50,
*ou55
writes:Am separated from my husband and I am currently seeing this guy who is 10 years older than me we do not do a lot of things together. We hardly go out or do any fun things together. This guy is a medical doctor and is married with 1 adopted daughter. The problem I have with him is that he claims to love me a lot and he always tell me that maybe just maybe he will marry me one day. I don't believe him of cause and when I tell him that am maybe going out he feels jelous and he asks a lot of questions. Normally when he starts questioning me a lot I also retaliate by telling him that he is married and that I also need to get a man who will one day be my husband. Our sex life is not exciting at all but I enjoy his company, he is so mature and I have learned a lot of things from him. I am young, very attractive and well disciplined and his wife is not. I always ask myself a lot of questions about this man as he checks up on me everyday. He takes care of me financially and i always wonder if he really means it if he says he loves me and he will 1 day marry me. I don't see myself as being his wife but I also don't want lo loose him wht do I do. Am lost
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010): There is a name for women like you who trade sex for financial gratitude. Maybe just maybe one day you will realise that you sold your body and soul for money. One day you won't have your good looks and then you will be forced to fend for yourself financially. Then what? Now yiou are relying on your young genes and good looks to take another womans husband. Be careful of the games you play, it may just come back to bite you in the *ss, and then you will know what it feels like to be hurt.
A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (4 September 2010):
It makes no sense for you to have to justify your life or curtail what you want to do for someone that is not really part of your life. He belongs to someone else. He's not your partner or husband, and most likely never will be. And yet he's trying to control you. You don't go out and have much fun, and the sex isn't that enjoyable. There's really nothing that should be holding you down to him. Go out there and find someone free that you can have a real relationship with.
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A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (4 September 2010):
 Why on earth are you with him if the sex is boring? Isn't that what affairs is all about? Sounds like he's hopeless in bed..a crappy husband and a big fat user.Please walk away now, he is only after sex, nothing more, nothing less.He will spill you any old story about you being his next wife, yeah right...Trust me, this guy is motivated by sex...not love.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010): So he's basically paying to have sex with you and tells you whatever you want to hear so that you'll continue to have sex with him. You don't do anything (you) think is fun, but it appears that what he thinks is fun is having sex with you.
You need to face what this is... it's not a relationship, it's a transaction. He pays, you service him, he try to convince you that you're not prostituting yourself to him, and that "one day" he'll make an honest woman out of you...
He's not yours, and you don't have him... his wife does, and he's willing to cheat on her to have sex with you. Nice guy. Guys like these will repeat this pattern.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (4 September 2010):
 You cannot lose what is not yours in the first place. This man is married. Even if he does marry you, how long before another woman catches his eye? He won't leave his wife because if she has a lower income then it may cost him a lot in the divorce. He probably doesn't want the scandal of an affair hurting his medical career so that is why he doesn't want to go out with you...a patient or colleague may see him, or a family friend might tell his wife. He doesn't see you as a person, but rather more as a commodity that he can control and who can fulfill his sexual needs. By letting him support you financially, it is not much more than a transaction. You are letting him treat you this way by accepting money and accepting that he will continue to live with his wife. He can only dictate where you go and what you do if you let him. I presume you have never met his wife and therefore the account of her character and beauty is second hand through him. If she is a hideous monster with a personality disorder then why did he ever marry her in the first place? The man is lacking in integrity and loyalty - it is all about putting himself first. It probably makes him a lousy clinician if he has such an uncaring attitude towards people. If you are such an attractive desirable young lady then why would you settle for being a mistress to such a miserable older man who doesn't even want to go anywhere? You need to work on your self respect or else you will carry on through life meeting more men like this. There are always predators out there...the secret is not to let manipulative types manipulate you! By focusing on him then you exclude yourself from the opportunity to meet a normal, uncomplicated, single guy who might just make you happy!
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A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (4 September 2010):
 Hi there,
I think this man is controlling and manipulative. I am not sure if he loves you or loves the thought of having you around. If he truly loved you he would not do what he is doing to you. He doesn't want you to discover a man who will treat you right and does just enough to keep you around.
You are smart and attractive and young. There is a man who will be fun to be with, whom you can have a great sex life with AND who will make you his honest wife. I know there is. Are you staying with him for his financial resources? If you are, that is just as bad as what he is doing to you.
I'll leave you with this thought. You can NOT lose what you do not have. You do not have this man.
I wish you the best and hope you will end things so you are "available" to find the happiness you deserve.
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A
female
reader, JenniiBeanz +, writes (4 September 2010):
If you haven't already, move in withg him. After 6 month's you'll be common-law. Basically the same thing as marriage, without the expensive ceremony.
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