A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Since i have been with m boyfriend he has made going out with my friends a chore. He will call me all the time, give me a curfew..(usually no later than 2am) otherwise he s implies i am a girl of ill repute. it got to the point that i am now always making excuses to not go out, so that a drama or scene is not created ruining others fun. So this has been happening for a year while i was at uni....i have got so used to not going out to clubs and places that not i just dont feel like going anymore, especially since i dont drink. Recently i have moved back home after finishing uni.My boyrfriend wants me to gout out with him and his mates in the eveing, which i am not up for for two reasons. 1) because why the fuck should i go out with him and his friends if i am not allowed to enjoy myself with my friends and 2) my taste for going out has diminshed completely. Now he says to me that if i dont go out with him like 'all normal people' then i should let him 'chill with other girls.' I am sure peole will suggest that if i go out places with him, he will be more relaxed about me going out...tried that, just did not work. I have put up with this for 2 years and i just dont know...am i in the wrong here? right now i feelso worthless, that after two years he could simply replace me with girls to 'chill with!' Reply to this Question
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female
reader, bub +, writes (19 August 2007):
tell him where too go why does he need girls too chill out with eney way why not just with his friends have your life going out with ur friends you dont drink so whats is problem sillyidot
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (19 August 2007):
Like everyone else has said, hes trying to control you and it seems like its working sadly :(
He sounds like hes emotioanly abusive and thats what abusers do...they get you away from any friends and family so you have no support around you. So when you feel like you hate him and wnat to dump him you wont because without him you would be alone. He depends on you to depend on him.
In a healhty relationship you woudlnt feel worthless! This isnt a healthy relationship to be in...finish it now. I know its hard, i myself have just left an emotionaly abusive relationship, but once you do it...you can take steps to honestly feel happy.
I can understand if you would find it hard to leave him, despite how badly he has treated you. Its like your heart thinks one thing...and your brain another. Your brain says the smart and logical thing to do is to leave him but your heart wants to stay. Even though its gting hurt too. I duno if its the same for you, but for me the reason why i coudlnt leave so easily was because i had low self esteem.
If you want to talk, feel free to message me :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007): this is how abusive relationships start. he tells you not to go out with your friends, puts you down if you do. over time, you will no longer have friends and he will pull you away from your family, too. he will make sure that you have no support system when he increases the level of control and abuse.
i used to counsel women who have been sexually assaulted or who were in abusive relationships, and this sounds classic. get away from him.
my guess is that he would not chill with other girls. he would find you and try to make you do what he wanted you to do. stand up now before it is too late.
good luck to you.
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous  +, writes (18 August 2007):
He either wants to control you or he just doesn't trust you. Either way, he's got you on an "emotional leash." This is very one-sided. You don't deserve that. He'll either have to wise up or you should walk away. You can do better than this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2007): Two years too long Sweetheart, dump him, he isn't worth it.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (18 August 2007):
 Hi
This guy is trying to control you.
All this curfew stuff is rubbish! And threatening with other girls, is just childish. He doesnt want that at all i shouldnt think! Another control tactic.
Ive been with guys before that make it so much hassle to go out without them, you just dont bother in the end & your mates eventually have a moan about that!Its not good to lose touch with your mates.
Does he go out without you?
He seems to want you to go out with him and his mates so he can keep an eye on you.
I dont know what the solution is though, as i tried sorting it out, and it never worked, and i split with them in the end (not totally because of that i hasten to add)
I would still go out with my mates though if i was you. Even though you have kinda grown out of it by the sounds of it. Your still young, you will soon get back into it!
You dont wanna end up under the thumb!
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (18 August 2007):
 You have not had to put up with this, you have chosen to put up with it, you can get out of this relationship whenever you feel like it and if he is making you feel this bad and acting like such a complete twat i have to say i don't know what you are waiting for.
You are worth more than this, no man should be able to dictate to you who, where and what time you can go out till, and then turn round and say i will chill with other girls if you don't come out with me.
Let him go chill with other girls and you get yourself back out there with your friends and find someone that knows how to treat a lady with some respect.
Take care.xx.
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