A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My partner has confessed that he is suffering from loss of sex drive. I recently found porn on his PC and he says that he used it as relief. He said that if guys don't have sex for a long time, their testicles fill up with semen and it can cause discomfort. Guys, is this true, or is he trying to make me feel better? It hurts me to think that he prefers watching and masturbating to porn, rather than have sex with me? We've had issues in the past when i found him experimenting behind my back with internet dating sites and porn, and we've been trying to work at our relationship ever since. His recent confession about low sex drive and the need for relief has really confused me again.
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porn, semen, sex drive Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (7 June 2008):
 If a man is suffering from a low sex drive,
he would not be interested in porn too.
I don't see any logic in having a low sex drive and jacking off with porn.
This is a bit queer.
His low sex drive could be either stress from work or
problems or directly or indirectly by your actions.
Some men can be very sensitive especially when it come to finance or his sexual performance or his tool.
Any criticisms on this areas will hurt him emotionally and
he may feel withdrawn or you get his silent treatment or uncooperative attitudes.
Another possible reason could be, he may have ED and afraid
that he may not perform .He is fearful that you may find out and leave him.(This is just my speculations only.)
A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (7 June 2008):
 Incidentally, my experience is that low sex can be an emotional thing. A man's biggest sex organ is his brain. If the brain is "sexually depressed", it can have a major impact on sexual desire.
On the other hand, the body (testicles, sperm production, etc.) carries on as though nothing has happened. That's why it's possible for the brain to be sexually depressed while the sex organs need release every so often. Let me assure you, they are quite often just "cold" orgasms, mechanical and loveless. They're not the same as love making.
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A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (7 June 2008):
At a guess, low sex drive could be caused by something in your relationship. If he's unhappy, or something is bugging him deeply, it's quite possible that his desire to have sex with you is diminished. But it would have to be something quite fundamental. I think you should try and find out what might be making him unhappy or turning him off emotionally.
Turning to pornography in a situation like this is quite normal. Pornography is impersonal sex. It's just an aid to masturbation. It doesn't require any emotional commitment. You can turn off all your thoughts and get a quick and easy release, then go back to what you were doing.
I suggest you don't jump to conclusions and see pornography as a "rival". The main issue is to find out what is depressing his sexual desire and affecting his sexual relationship with you.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Queeny  +, writes (7 June 2008):
 Sorry about your dilema but i would like to try and give you another dimension of this problem. your boyfriend is addicted to porn. there is no other way that he can get sexual satisfaction for now becoz the porn has dominated his life. he does not seem to be in a hurry to do something about it and he is ok. he probably loves you genuinely but he cannot get sexual satisfaction from you becoz of porn. this kind of addiction builds up over a very long period of time and you may even find out that he started watching porns when he was younger like even upto his teen years. i would suggest that if he is only a partner and you are not married to him that you start dating other guys. this is when you see that there is no intention for him to give up porn even when you discuss the issue without a clear way forward. if you marry this guy you shall not enjoy sex in your marriage or longterm partnership. if he really really loves you, he will see that this has had a major setback in your relationship. try discuss the issue with him without any arguments. remember there are those guys who do worse than that and if you see there is need for working out your situation beter do it.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (6 June 2008):
If a man does not have sex or masturbate ,
his sperms will be stored in a reservoir.
If he is young, he will have wet dreams to release those sperms.
If he does not do it naturally , he will have sexual tensions.
Sometimes , those sexual tensions can only be released by masturbations.
A guy don't simply lose his sex drive.
There could be some unresolved issues and it could be some form of punishment.
You could Google this loss of sex drive for more info's or
go to this link;-
http://web4health.info/en/answers/sex-menu.htm
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): There's no reason for him to stop looking at porn, he should be using it to increase his arousal and improve his sex drive. But he shouldn't be masterbating if he dosen't have enough sex drive to keep you satisfied. Demand that he return to your bed and fullfill his role as a husband. His behaviour is unfair, you have needs to.
Talk to him about the whole issue and see if you can find out what is bothering him and keeping him away. If his balls are full he should be coming to you for relief.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe work very closely in our business together and spend 24 hours a day together. My disappointment and hurt lies in the fact that i could be the reason for his low sex drive - as he is tired of me. i asked him if that was the case (knowing that any male wanting to save his relationship would deny this) and predictably, he reassured me that i am NOT the reason..I am still sexy..and beautiful..blah blah blah..and he wants to seek help with a sex therapist. Because of previous history of trust issues, i don't know whether to believe him or not...
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (4 June 2008):
 I think that at best it's a half-truth. Constant sexual arousal without release can cause major discomfort. I don't think it's actually "testicles filling up with semen", but it's not pleasant.
But he says he sufferes from loss of sex drive, so it doesn't quite seem to apply here.
I think you might need to look into this a little further, and try to work out what it is in the porn that he is looking at that he finds interesting. It's rarely the case that a man "prefers" porn to his partner, and whatever is holding his interest right now is probably only a passing novelty - a temporary addiction, perhaps.
Like any addiction, he probably won't admit he has it and won't particularly welcome your efforts to pull him away from it. First of all, get it firmly fixed in your head that HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU ANY LESS. Then, to put it simply, work on getting him "addicted" to sex with YOU instead of some Internet fantasy. Most importantly, remember that it's not the actuality of the female (usually female, but who knows what's possible?) images, it's the fantasy of the situations and the actions (and possibly clothing, toys, gadgets) that appeals to most men who look at porn of any sort. You have to drag him back to reality, and show him that what you can have between you is far better than any porn fantasy. As I said, replace the addiction to porn with an addiction to you.
... assuming you love him and want sex with him, of course. If not, don't bother. Move on to someone who you do love and want sex with. It's as simple as that.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (4 June 2008):
 Yeah, he's *kind of* right. The testicles don't actually fill with semen, but some glands do (I can't remember my anatomy right now). But, if a man hasn't masturbated, he'll most likely have a "wet dream" that will flush the build up of semen.
The other thing that comes to mind is the relationship difficulties that you've identified. What you describe isn't unheard of. Your BF is "feeling it" someplace and relieving himself privately is his way to deal with it rather than turn to you. Why? Because porn is not an emotional attachment where a sexual encounter with you would be all emotional content. Do you see the difference? In a strange way, think of it like this: if you're having issues/problems you might contact a close friend or a parent and discuss it on the phone. The phone is your instrument to use help convey your problems. In a way, the computer and porn is his way of dealing with his problems. I'm not condoning this, but I'm telling you what I think is in his head.
The low sex drive is in dealing with you personally, not that he's incapable of performing sex.
Bottom line here is that you need to figure out what the relationship problems that exist between you, solve them and your sexual relationship will start to return.
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