A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi,This may seem small but hear me out.Been with my gf for 6 months now. The other day she asks me why I like all these Instagram posts of fitness girls/insta models etc etc. She says I like alot of them and it upsets her.We follow alot of the same fitness people and because she is my most interacted with it shows me photos that shes liked - she does like all this fitness guys photo, shirts off, rips abs etc? I asked her whats wrong dont you like photos and she denies that she does ? But I can see it.Its so stupid because i dont care that she does, as if she wouldnt like them, what I care about is that shes trying to tell me it upsets her and lies about doing it - I want to confront her but dont want to make an issue out of something so stupid. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (23 October 2020):
 What is good for the gander is good for the goose, but in this case... not so much.
I'm not going to tell you that you can't "like" some stranger (to you) woman's pictures, but I would ask you to consider what you actually get out of it. Does it make you feel like you know these women? Or that you do something FOR them by boosting their ego?
I'm much older than you so the whole "liking" on social media makes me cringe. It feels fake. It feels like a bunch of people reinforcing the "social stereo types" that everyone rages against. You all are spending time "liking" fake and altered pictures and that is somehow important? I just don't get it (and no I don't mean guys only, I mean the women who do this too). What a waste of time and energy! It doesn't DO anything. Sure, the person posting the pictures get an ego boost, maybe higher income from commercials or various endorsement deals, but they DO NOT give a single SHIT about the people who "like" their stuff. They are just means to an end. For THEM to get ahead.
But I will get off my soap box.
I think you should call her out on her double standard. If it IS OK for her to look and "like" stuff, it should be OK for you to do so too.
Overall, it's a RIDICULIOUS thing to be an "issue" in a relationship because at the end of the day?
It means nothing, it's not something that is positive in life, that helps people overall be better people, no it helps a FEW select individuals create a career that takes no real skills. If social media was shut down tomorrow and their "hustle" is over, they would be left with no skills other than manipulating filters on Instagram, big fucking deal.
Spend more time IMPROVING your mind, your body and your knowledge. Be a better person. Now that is worthwhile and something your generation seems to totally miss.
Again, sorry for going off the rails here, but I hope this "issue" makes YOU think about your own actions (screw what your GF does for a minute) Look a little inwards. Are you working on being the man you CAN be? You want to be? Or are you just another sheep following the "hype" of fake reality?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2020): [EDIT]: Typo corrections
"If you've tried and failed at achieving these physical-attributes, which are highly-regarded and prized in the fitness-world; it would probably make you more sensitive to the fact that's something she seems to really like in guys that you can't acquire, no matter how hard you try!"
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2020): In response to Wideone - I am the writer of the post Why would I lie for the sake of the argument ? the whole point of this is to remain annomnomyous and seek a honest opinion.She does like fitness guys posts - and they have been whilst we have been together as they are posted 1 week ago - 2 weeks ago - 2 days ago etc I can see she has liked them. I am not lying. The whole im a girl thing does not fly with me - I dont have a six pack and I am not ripped. She likes guys that are, shouldnt that make me feel insecure ? If she feels insecure why would she be doing the same thing to me then ?She can like whatever posts she likes - its the lying and hypocrisy thats the issue here, the other two posters are right - I will be confrotning her - thanks guys
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2020): You are both very immature. You need to stop liking these photos. Is that so hard? To force yourselves not to hit a like button on a computer or phone OP? Why can't you just LOOK at the pics and not hit like? I don't get it? The problems of young people these days with technology! It is a shame that this holds so much weight. It shouldn't.Ever consider that she likes these pics to get back at you? Because you do it? You are both playing childish games. In the big picture, none of this even matters. Why don't you think about getting off social media and spending time together doing the things you are supposed to do in relationships? Without driving unnecessary wedges between the two of you? Seriously, all these fitness peeps want is attention and an ego boost. All you are both doing is blowing smoke up their skirts/pants while harming your own relationship. It makes no sense to me at all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2020): Make a compromise. You'll stop if she stops; or simply be considerate of her feelings. Woman are put under a lot more physical-scrutiny by society than males. The beauty and fashion industry make billions of dollars; because their marketing tactics target the insecurities and body-image issues that plague women. Going as far as setting standards and creating images that tell them how they should look, or should aspire to look. You can't understand the pains and sufferings of a person; until you've walked in their shoes.
I don't think hypocrisy is the issue here. I think it's a matter of considering how our/your choices and actions affect others. I think if you're in a fresh new relationship, you should be willing to make some reasonable adjustments to please your girlfriend. Maybe even negotiate a few things in-exchange; to make your relationship more secure and comfortable for both of you.
Let's consider a couple of examples. If you don't have an eight-pack, but it seems all she ever likes are guys online with eight-pack abs; you'll feel you're falling short of what she likes in the male-physique. If you've tried and failed at achieving these physical-attributes, which are highly-regarded and prized in the fitness-world; it would probably make you more sensitivity that's something she seems to really like in guys that you can't acquire, no matter how hard you try! You'd develop an insecurity about it. The same goes, if you notice all those guys have huge bulges; but your little baby package hardly fills a tea cup...well, you get the point!
Why is liking online female-images so important, that you'd risk your relationship to continue when all you have to do is compromise with her?
Let's get one thing straight, women are not victims; but they are sometimes targets of indirect-attacks on their gender regarding their weight, breast-size, and appearance. Men are held to a different standard. She notices the differences between herself and those women you seem to show a consistent interest in. She notices the frequency that you seem to follow these images online; and she feels she has to compete with what you seem to focus a little too much attention on. Do you understand?
Your relationship is new, and she's getting to know you. Your likes and dislikes, your ways and quirks. You're still under evaluation; so she can decide you're just not the guy for her. If that doesn't matter to you, then go ahead and confront her. I think you'd be wiser to work things out instead. The jury is still out on you! That goes both-ways, of course! If she's too insecure for your taste, or too bossy; you have the right to end it, and move on.
Now about her liking fitness images of males. Well, we'll take your word on that; but that could have only been added for the sake of your argument. She doesn't get to tell her side or refute your comments. You can tell us anything you like to sway opinions in your own favor. For all we know, the images she liked may have been liked long before you became a committed-couple in a relationship. Your argument has too many holes in it to tell you that you should accuse her of hypocrisy. You just might lose a girlfriend!
Lets just sum it all up. Either you stop, or you lose your girlfriend. You can follow a bunch of pics of females you don't even know; or you can enjoy being with a lovely lady who cares for you. She still has the option to dump you and find another guy; who may look more like those pics you claimed she likes. Yet he could be someone who makes her feel she's got what he's looking for; and doesn't need to compliment images of other women, when he has a hot woman of his own.
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A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (20 October 2020):
 This is a case of pot and kettle, its ok for her to look at ripped fit guy's, but when its reversed she has a problem with this.
You are taking a mature approach to this, you are not to concerned that she likes these pictures. What is rather more concerning is that she feels the need to lie to you about it.
She is showing some signs of insecurity, and somewhat controlling too. She has a problem with you looking at fitness girls, insta models etc, but is doing the same herself. What is it going to be further down the line, getting shouted at because you looked at a fit girl walking along the sidewalk?.
I don't think this is something so stupid, and i think that the next time brings this up you need nip this in the bud and have it out with her.
I feel if you don't then the future of your relationship could end up being rather rocky.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2020): Well fitness people make and female is one thing and there’s nothing wrong with either of you liking those if you are both into fitness but the thing about Instagram is that there is a whole other catagoet wined MAINLY at men that is really nothing more than soft porn . The type of images are highly sexualised and the way then women are presented is way different to how the men are . One very simply example is to ask yourself do you follow women who are wearing g strings strings and showing their asses whilst looking back over their shoulders into the camera and such images like that . If you are then I can totally understand why she would be upset you liking them . I’m yet to see thousands of men practically naked presenting themselves in that way on Instagram . They are usually presented as good looking and showing muscles , sure but it’s in a respectful way Men often try to play off the old ‘ I don’t care if you look at men ‘ and try to play naive that women are way more sexualised In social media . So I think it’s all about the type of images your following and being totally honest about that with yourself . Most people understand that we can acknowledge someone is attractive but many people don’t want their partner declaring a sexual attraction for others publically where everyone can see it So is it just fitness men and women your liking or ‘ sexualised images of women on Instagram ?
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