A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for almost two years. We were instantly attracted to each other and bonded so well. The first two months in our relationship we were intimate every evening and twice in the morning. It was great. Besides everything else that was going great this was just the icing on the cake that I needed and enjoyed.We moved in together after a few months and life got in the way. It started affecting how often we made love (sometimes only two or three times a week). Finances was a big factor that changed our sex life in our relationship. I had no problem putting life off to the side and enjoying him but he did. We managed to get through it though and I became understanding of the fact that things do affect my boyfriend's mood when it comes to making love.This past summer, he was laid off and because I am a school teacher, I have had the whole summer off. At first it was a dream come true, waking up every morning together, having breakfast, cuddling, watching tv, doing outdorsey activities, hanging out with friends, going out, having dinner together, etc.We didn't have much time apart and it seems as though we've have many rediculous and meaningless arguments I'm assuming because of the amount of time we've been around each other. For a month we haven't been intimate at all. I've become so frustrated and upset with the situation. I've explained it to him several times and he listened without brushing me away but then I felt that I had to wait for him to initiate the first move. Why? Because every time I tried, he told me he wasn't in the mood and can go on for awhile without craving sex. I explained to him that it was more than just the sex that I was missing, it was the touch and the bond that I missed when we were physical.After an hour of me sobbing, he finally opened up to me and figured out the reason for him not desiring love making. His explanation was the fact that becasuse we've been around eachother so often this past summer, he hasn't had the chance to miss me and therefore want me in a sexual way. That broke my heart. He then went on to explain that things will probably get better when I return to work. (In his defense, he has been putting out many job applications and has had an interview scheduled not long ago).How do I deal with this situation? Is this situation normal? Does his reason make sense as to why we haven't been intimate? Am I supposed to sit around and wait for him to come around to making the first move?
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female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (17 August 2007):
 Hi
It could just be a stress thing. That can affect anyones sex drive. It could also be a sign that hes losing interest a bit. Dont want to scare you, but just speaking my mind as you obviously want honest opinions.
2 years is around the time relationships change from the honeymoon period to 'more settled' and if you dont work on the exciting side of things, it can go by the way side.
Have another chat with him & see if this is possible? its best to know. Could just be the work side of things!
Let us know if you sort it out.
C xxxx
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (16 August 2007):
 Stress can zap a man's sex drive quickly. The stress of being laid off, and still having bills come in that have to be paid could be playing a role here. Also it's not so much that you're around each other all the time, but that he feels pressured when you are around him. Take a different approach. It may be hard, but let him come to you. Some men really don't like it when the woman is the agressor, especially those who suffer from self-esteem issues. Right now, since he was laid off from work, he's probably suffering some self-esteem problems. Be supportive, but don't remind him how often you're not having sex and hopefully after he's found another job, and he no longer feels like he's under the sexual microscope, he'll feel more like getting back to normal.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007): Sure, it is possible for a guy to not have sex with you because you are "around each other too much," only if you take it for what it really means. It's a "nice" way of him saying that he might be falling out of love with you and is not that interested in you, anymore. At least not at the "moment." And in my experience, that is something that, once lost, is really hard to get back.
It is not normal or fair to you that he won't have sex with you. That should be among his priorities, to make you happy, that is if he loved you. And if he really loved you, he would assure you that things will get better and that it is his problem, and NOT point the finger at you saying that if you had a life there "probably" would be no problem. That is a lie. Not the part that you need a life, everybody needs a life, but what is a lie is that if you had a life things are going to get better. Cause they are not. He is just not feeling it anymore.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 August 2007):
 I kind of think it sounds sort of screwy but maybe he truly feels that you guys were together too much. It might also be the fact he is out of work and may be suffering some depression because of it. Depression can sure put sexual desire on the back burner. Once he finds work you may find things improve dramatically. As far as sitting around waiting that's up to you, do you love him enough to do that, is he worth it?
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