A
female
age
26-29,
Trudo2
writes:I have been dating a guy about 6 months. The first couple months were amazing. We really connected and totally fell for each other. After those 2 months I went away for week on a trip and he sent me emails telling me how much he missed me and liked me and couldn't wait for me to return. Things were good for about 2 weeks when I returned but then he changed completely. He started pulling away both physically and emotionally from me and started really making me feel insecure. Just a few days ago we got into a conversation and he told me that when he first started dating he thought we had "too many differences and that this would never go through the stages to be a long-term relationship." We had a long talk about it, and when I told him I could not be with him he broke down and started crying and told me he is being selfish and he is horrible at relationships and he doesn't want to break up with me. He doesn't think this is necessarily short-term but we are just have to many differences for it to be long-term. He said he wrestles with things in his mind because he thinks it won't work, yet the other part of him thinks he needs to just let things go. He is not very happy with his life and seems really sad and depressed. I thought he really just wanted to break up with me but didn't want to hurt me, but his actions are so opposite that. He broke down when I told him I could not be his girlfriend anymore, he still wants to be together, he calls, he comes over, he is still so sweet. I don't know what to think or what to do.
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female
reader, TruBlueEyedBlonde +, writes (14 July 2007):
 I know how it feels to be completely head-over-heels in love with somebody the first couple months, I thought the connection was amazing and I could be with him forever. I've been thinking (since I also have my own boyfriend issues) that maybe that's how it is for the first couple months... maybe we get so attached to the thrill of getting to know somebody that everything they say and do is absoultly amazing to us. The longer people are apart the more they want to be together... if you've heard that before I believe it is a good explanation for his constant emails while you were away. I'm not saying he didn't miss you... I'm just leading up to the fact that maybe he missed you so much that once you were back things were duller than he imagined they would be. People imaginations/over thinking can sometimes destroy relationships.
If he knows now that it won't be long term... then what's the point in continuing dating? Ask him, "If you don't plan on being with me in a long term relationship, then what do you want out of this relationship?" You are strong for being able to break up with him... I'm not sure if you gave in when he confessed for how much he still loves you but in relationships you have to be selfish sometimes. Do what you want... you can't make yourself stay with someone you don't want to be with because you don't want to hurt them. Sure they will be hurt, but in the long run you both will be much happier. Nobody wants to be with someone who doesn't love them back as much as they love them. And nobody wants to pretend to love someone more than they actually do.
Overall, I think he is unstable with his life and wants to keep the consistancy of you being there, for now. When his life picks up and he's much happier and less depressed he won't need you as the consistant girlfriend anymore.
A
female
reader, O Connor  + ♥, writes (14 July 2007):
 i think that until he can sort out his mind and issues, you need to stay away from him. yes he doesnt want to break up with you but it doesnt seem like he really is in it with his heart. wat he is doing is not fair to you cos it is causing you to feel insecure and unloved and this is not how you are supposed to feel in a relationship! get out before it goes any further - no matter how much he tries to make you stay with him. he needs time alone to sort out his head and he just doesnt realise that. explain to him that wat he is doing is not fair and selfish on his part. i hop this helps and i also hope that you find someone that wants to be with you no matter what differences you have xxx
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