A
female
age
30-35,
*huck.vanessa
writes:I have been seeing this guy for a little over a month, and we are in college. I am 20 and he is 22. At first we mostly went out to bars together with his friends, and then i stayed over his place, but then we started hanging out at his appt with his roommates and watching movies and things. He has hung out at my appartment too and we talk during the day, not too much because I turn my phone off during classes and studying. We talked about having sex, we have done everything but pretty much, and he seemed to agree to want to as well. We especially wanted to wait a little bit more because any alone time we get we are usually drunk and things dont work as well when we are drunk. I went away for the weekend with friends, and when I came back i saw him that night. We watched a movie and things were going well, he was physically ready then when we started having sex after a little while he went soft and couldnt get hard. He said sorry and of course I said it was fine and he said he cant explain it but his mind was weird, and that maybe he just wasnt ready yet. He never before seemed like he was waiting to have for himself to get feel ready, but more for me to feel ready. I suggested hanging out more like less when we go out or drinking is involved and more like soberly and he said he thought that would help. Was he truly just not ready or is something else going on? When he did say he just might not be ready I said well its a good thing then that things didnt work tonight so that we can stop until you are ready. I made a point to say that I was completely fine with waiting longer and that its ok what happened. I guess I am a bit confused as to why I never got the vibe that maybe he wasnt ready, I always think guys are always ready and just wait on the girl. I dont want to bring it up again cuz I feel like if he wanted to talk about why it didnt work he will, and I dont want to make him feel self conscious. I guess I dont know what the next step is, or if what happened was normal or not. I do know he is religious and not that he believes in abstaining until marriage, I know he's not a virgin, but maybe he has to really really like someone to have sex with them. I dont know if a guy cant have sex with someone if he doesnt really like them, I have always thought the opposite. Does this sound normal and should I feel like if we wait it will work in the future. I am starting to feel like maybe there isnt hope with us becuase of this. I just want to know if guys have ever felt like this and have this happen to them, or if anyone has experience with this and can help me out.
View related questions:
drunk, roommate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chuck.vanessa +, writes (28 November 2012):
chuck.vanessa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo we havent talked since saturday and this happened friday night.. all we exchanged saturday was that i felt bad and felt like i pushed him and he said no i made the decision too... and i just noticed that he tweeted saying something about school work than noticed he unfollowed me on twitter... could he possibly be seeing someone else and thats why he couldnt perform cuz he felt bad? because now I have no explanation for this
A
male
reader, MikeFlarity +, writes (28 November 2012):
 Are you two ever intimate without a social lubricant (alcohol?)
If not it sounds like an altered state is what is helping him to get past something that is clearly blocking him from having sex.
Some reasons could be:
a physical trauma to his body (parts).
a pyschological trauma experienced as a child or young adult.
perhaps he is not 100% sure about his orientation.
Either way, give it time and try again.
Oh, and don't believe the hype there are plenty of men out there that pass on sex with a willing woman some guys actually have standards.
...............................
A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (26 November 2012):
 He's nervous. That happened when I was with someone that I really liked, and I had kinda nervousness going on... It's normal, and happens occasionally. You guys just need a little more time for him to feel comfortable with you...
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 November 2012):
 Its completely normal. Not every guy would jump for any chance to have sex. Guys are afraid to get hurt emotionally. There is also performance anxiety. He wants to make sure you like him enough to accept 'imperfections' in the bedroom. When you just wait and not communicate, then it's not going to do anything. You are seeing this guy, but you don't have a label for your relationship. Maybe he wants to make sure there is exclusivity before he could open up to you. He wants to know that you will stick with him even when sometimes he can't get it up. Before that you need to find out if you like each other romantically.
...............................
|
