A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing my boyfriend for about two months now and he has always made a point that he hates cheating etc. I was recently looking thorugh his text messages ad found some flirty and rude texts exchanged between him and a girl who lives quite far away. She's sent him pictures of herself in her underwear and as far as i can tell they were arranging to meet. I want to confront him but i shouldnt have been looking thorugh his phone. This is a reasonably new relationship and i should have respeted his privacy more.How do i go about addressing this with him?
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female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (26 November 2007):
 At this stage in the relationship, it would be a bad idea to disclose the fact that you snooped. Also, at this stage, it's really too soon to expect alot of exclusiveness unless you've both been pretty outspoken about this with each other. I've found that most men keep their options open, (meaning ex-girlfriends still have access to them sometimes). You never mentioned if you told him you felt the same way about cheaters, that he does, so maybe you need to make sure he understands this, and explain that includes, texting, e-mails and phone calls from exes or other women who are single. (You still don't have to confess to what you've done, just state your feelings on the subject). Also instead of confronting him about this particular women, just bring up the subject of "exes" sometime, and ask him if he has any he stays in contact with. Again, I would listen to his answers but not mention that you already know about the text messages he gets from her. You might even state that you used to have an ex who would occasionally text message or email you, but you asked him to stop once you started seeing your new b/f (him) because you didn't want it interefering with your current relationship. And you might suggest he do the same. Otherwise you're probably just going to have to keep an eye on him for awhile. If you know where this woman lives, it might be good to accompany him when he travels for business, particularly if it's to the city where she lives. Men will frequently expect you to be exclusive when they start seeing you, but they don't necessarily offer the same courtesy until they've actually fallen in love with you. If I were you, I wouldn't become overridden with guilt about your snooping. Afterall, if you hadn't snooped you would've never known about this woman. So now you can keep your eyes and ears open, and your heart guarded until you know him better. Besides, most women stop snooping once they realize, there's nothing more to find out about. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2007): Oh my Mom always said "pretty is as pretty does" Normally when a guy is so paranoid himself he has reason to be. Then add your fear on top and ding ding ding you found a looser. Don't waste your time on this relationship.
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A
male
reader, jm81690  +, writes (26 November 2007):
 Well you can't confront him about looking through his phone.
If I were you I'd keep a really close eye on him, and keep him on a short leash, he's bound to slip up sooner or later (if he is cheating)
If he is a cheater he could be constantly reminding you he hates cheaters so you won't catch on he is one.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (26 November 2007):
 Confront him, even though he's going to deny it.
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