A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel really guilty because I was pretty horrible to a guy who gets the same bus as me every day after work. I’d gotten the feeling that he liked me as he’d give me all these glances as we stood at opposite ends of the bus stop each time and then look away like a shy schoolboy whenever I’d make eye contact with him. It was kind of cute, but I knew I’d never really be interested. He just wasn’t my type at all. Then last night after work he finally decided to talk to me and asked if I wanted to go for a drink sometime. I’d had a stressful day at work as it was so the last thing I wanted at that point was idle chit chat with some bloke who I wasn’t interested in at all. But it’s no excuse really for how I reacted to him. I basically snapped and said no, I’d rather stick pins in my eyes and told him to go away. I had no regrets about it at first but this morning I felt mortified. I haven’t really been able to stop thinking about it and that he must think I’m a stuck up cow, when in actual fact I’m not usually like that at all.No doubt he’ll be at the bus stop again today and I’m dreading it. But should I just bite the bullet and apologise to him? He didn’t deserve that reaction at all.
View related questions:
at work, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2021): P.S.
Some side-advice for the future. You may offer him (or others in the future) an apology; but you've also showed him that you can be pretty mean. Red-flag! He may graciously accept the apology, or would rather not even speak to you again. You should still attempt to make the apology; because it is the right thing to do. I don't buy that you don't have the nerve to face him; when you had the nerve to shoot him down with such venom. Whatever nerve it took to hurt his feelings, should be used to apologize.
People don't have to be attractive, or "your type," to deserve common courtesy. There are tactful ways to deal with people; and going-off on strangers isn't really the safest way to deal with them in these modern scary times. If he had approached you in a bad-way, a firm response would have been appropriate; but you still have to be careful.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2021): The consensus is that you should apologize, and I fully agree!
No matter how bad your day is, you have no right to be cruel or nasty to someone who has done nothing to you. He finally summoned the nerve to speak to you, and you crushed his confidence. You added venom to your rejection, which was so uncalled for. You don't have to give him a sympathy-date or anything like that; but he didn't deserve to be treated like that. God, I hope it wasn't within earshot of other people! If he had been crass or disrespectful, you'd be justified in putting him down. He was respectful and polite, and waited awhile; until he thought it was the right moment. How would he know what your day was like?
Please suck it up, swallow your pride, and apologize.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2021): I always think of the classroom experiment where a teacher screws up a piece of paper onto a ball. Then says sorry to the piece of paper and flattens it back out. The creases from being crushed remain, as an example that we can be sorry but the hurt we might cause someone lasts longer.
You need to say sorry, but he might tell you to piss off and that's something you'd have to just take on the chin. We all have shit days, and anyone who thinks they never upset anyone- well they'd be lacking self awareness because we all do it - even to people we love the most so don't beat yourself up about this forever but please do make sure you give a really true apology to the guy and write it off as a life lesson.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2021): You were harsh and you should apologise. But he will still feel offended and be wary of you because he now knows how you can behave and that it can happen again at any time. But I doubt you want to say sorry just because you were unfair and offensive, there is more to it than that - you do not sound the sort to be that worried about the feelings of a stranger you have no feelings for or interest in i.e. you wish you had said yes and want to go out with him. This is about you. I wish I had a pound for every time someone has insulted me and then said sorry simply in the hope they can ask me another ridiculous ask or offend me again.
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (12 November 2021):
 Yes you should apologize. I doubt if he will ever look at you in quite the same way again but its the decent thing to do. Keep in mind he was decent and didn't deserve you being so harsh. He may avoid you like the plague and won't give you a chance to apologize.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2021): I think he deserves an apology and explanation. Probably took a lot of courage to ask you. You could have graciously declined or said you are busy etc but being rude was unnecessary. Put yourself in his shoes, what would you want.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (11 November 2021):
 Yes, you absolutely should apologise for being a complete bitch to him. Regardless of how you were feeling, it was no excuse to take it out on him.
Assuming he doesn't try to avoid you by going to a different bus stop or even taking a different mode of transport completely, you should put yourself in his shoes and stress your over-reaction was nothing to do with him but 100% about your temper. Tell him you would have reacted the same way if Brad Pitt had asked you out (or some other good looking well-known public figure).
You don't know anything about this guy or how much effort it may have taken him to build up the courage to ask you out and how much your vicious response may have damaged his self-esteem. The least you can do is try to explain yourself and apologise.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 November 2021):
 Wow, I bet HE is happy that he doesn't have to talk to you again. I mean seriously?!
Yes, you should bite the bullet and apologize. I mean WTAF!
He wasn't being slimy or rude to you he just asked you out. And you shat all over him.
"He didn’t deserve that reaction at all."
No, he didn't.
Tell, him I'm sorry I was being such a cow the other day, I had a bad day and took it out on you. It was nice of you to ask me out but I'm not interested and should just have said so."
Be a decent person.
Imagine that you had BEEN interested in this guy and YOU had asked him out. And then he SHAT all over you verbally. It would have felt like crap.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (11 November 2021):
 I do think that what you said to him was rather harsh, and he probably went home rather upset by this.
Whats done is done, you have said it to him now, we can't unsramble scrambled eggs. I think that as you are probably still going to be still seeing him at the bus stop maybe it would not hurt just to go over to him and just apologise for what you said, and that you were having a bad day. I think that you will feel better in yourself if you do this as well.
...............................
|
