A
female
age
22-25,
CharmmyKitty
writes:My boyfriend is confusing me, and I'm begining to wonder if he's really just not that into me.We've been together for a little over a month, and when we're together he treats me like a princess. He's very affectionate and sweet. But then as soon as he leaves, it's like he doesn't care anymore. He NEVER calls or texts me. And when I call him, he very rarely even answers the phone. If he does answer, it seems like he's always trying to rush me off the phone. Then when he doesnt answer, it'll take him HOURS to return my call, if he does at all.Last week I was out of state for a while for a friends wedding. I missed him a lot, and was looking forward to spending some time with him. But instead, he went to visit his family, and he's been there for 4 days now. (They live about 2 hours away, but he sees them ALL THE TIME). I understand that family is important and all, but it feels like he could care less if he sees me or not. He still hasn't told me when he's coming home.Today I called him around noon, and he answered, saying that he was busy, and asked if he could call me right back. Then 9 HOURS later I still hadn't heard from him. I was worried, so I called him again and he didn't answer. Then about an hour later he phoned me back. I didn't pick up cause I was so angry at him. He left a nonchalant message "apologizing" for not calling me back, and gave a list of things he had been doing as some sort of excuse.I know that some people aren't big on talking on the phone, but I think that simply not calling is the rudest thing he could do.He's never given me a real reason not to trust him, but all this elusiveness is making me wonder if he's really where he says he is.So what do you all think? Am I just way over sensitive, or do I have a real problem on my hands?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): I have been through this and I can tell you, he is yanking your chain. He treats you well when he is with you because he is feeding his ego. When you are not with him, he has other things (women) going on. This man is NOT looking for a relationship with you, he is being selfish and taking what he can, that's all.
If you really like this guy, you are in for a heartbreak, I am sorry.
A
female
reader, hannah76  + ♥, writes (22 July 2008):
Just to agree with the sisters.....also, let him contact now and let him arrange a next meeting. Let him do all the running but it seems he has someone else I'm afraid.(or just plain rude) Hannah x
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A
female
reader, BigSis + ♥, writes (22 July 2008):
 Charmmy... It was quite the opposite for me, but the same results, I'm afraid.
I got all the luvvy~duvvy texts ~ of the "Missing you." and "Wanting you so much." and the "Can't wait to see you, hun", and all the "Mwahs!" ......crap!
He gave me that wonderful feeling of being wanted and needed, he made me feel special, yet I was treated the complete opposite when we were last together.
I felt neglected and used, there was no passion there whatsoever. He made me feel like he couldn't wait to see the back of me when I left. I never got a hug or a kiss when I arrived at his place after not seeing him for 5 weeks, I never even got so much as a 'Thank you for driving 120 miles in 2 hours to come and see me', or 'Drive safely'. My immediate gut instinct was he's being 'serviced' elsewhere.
I think our other Older Sister has it spot on.
It's time WE moved on. I know I am.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (22 July 2008):
 He's given you no reason to not trust him? Are you kidding me? This guy's carrying around a neon sign that says "HELLO, I have a girlfriend!!" I'm sure his elusiveness was mysterious and intriguing in the beginning but it's not an innate part of his personality, it's because he has someone else. 9hrs to return your call? Was he separating siamese twins in surgery? Is he an undercover agent infiltrating a drug cartel?
Poster, there is "elusive" and then there is flat out "unavailable".
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A
female
reader, baby duck + ♥, writes (22 July 2008):
 skipping over the details of your story ... the thing that holds my attention is that you feel neglected
It's good that you're considering that you might be over sensitive, and that may be a factor, still ... have you told him that you feel like he does not care, once you're not physically together? If so, how did he react? If not, why not? Are you afraid of his reaction? These things, to me, hold some weight.
If there is not a free exchange of thoughts, feelings and ideas in a relationship, than it's *on probation*. That goes for friendships with girlfriends, as well as romantic relationships. Life is too short for fake friends. I am not saying that we have the time or energy to invest all of ourselves into every single relationship that we have. But, the most important relationships need to be that real, that honest.
Best wishes.
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