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He NEVER calls/texts me but treats me like a princess when we are together?!

Tagged as: Dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 July 2008) 6 Answers - (Newest, 25 October 2012)
A female United States age 30-35, *harmmyKitty writes:

My boyfriend is confusing me, and I'm begining to wonder if he's really just not that into me.

We've been together for a little over a month, and when we're together he treats me like a princess. He's very affectionate and sweet. But then as soon as he leaves, it's like he doesn't care anymore. He NEVER calls or texts me. And when I call him, he very rarely even answers the phone. If he does answer, it seems like he's always trying to rush me off the phone. Then when he doesnt answer, it'll take him HOURS to return my call, if he does at all.

Last week I was out of state for a while for a friends wedding. I missed him a lot, and was looking forward to spending some time with him. But instead, he went to visit his family, and he's been there for 4 days now. (They live about 2 hours away, but he sees them ALL THE TIME). I understand that family is important and all, but it feels like he could care less if he sees me or not. He still hasn't told me when he's coming home.

Today I called him around noon, and he answered, saying that he was busy, and asked if he could call me right back. Then 9 HOURS later I still hadn't heard from him. I was worried, so I called him again and he didn't answer. Then about an hour later he phoned me back. I didn't pick up cause I was so angry at him. He left a nonchalant message "apologizing" for not calling me back, and gave a list of things he had been doing as some sort of excuse.

I know that some people aren't big on talking on the phone, but I think that simply not calling is the rudest thing he could do.

He's never given me a real reason not to trust him, but all this elusiveness is making me wonder if he's really where he says he is.

So what do you all think? Am I just way over sensitive, or do I have a real problem on my hands?

View related questions: text, wedding

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2012):

We in a new world..

Gone are days when love was valued,,, many things happen in a relationship: heartbreaks, mistrust and being deceived e.t.c..

dear i understand your state but all will be well. Some men will always not call and not be passionate with you when you are with them

Be patient and study him. Never give a man your heart fully until you know him well

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A female reader, natmarie United Kingdom +, writes (1 August 2012):

natmarie agony auntDont; call him at all unless you have to. Don;t text him at all either. Give it a month and see how much he calls or sees you. if he does not step it up, you have your answer.

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A female reader, United Kingdom +, writes (17 February 2009):

Girls, I have a complete different perspective on this. I am in the same situation, I have a man who says he thinks the world of me and is the most affectionate bloke on the planet when we are together but hardly ever texts or calls me when we are apart and we only see each other once a fortnight roughly. I have come to realise that women, once in a relationship, wants to know that there is a 'commitment' with the texts and calls. she wants to feel secure and know he's thinking of her. What I have learnt, is a man can keep his love life completely separate from the rest of their life and so texting or calling really isn't important to them. When they see you physically, that's when he is showing his love to you, and if he's like my man, he has a lot going on in his ife, he is always thinking about me but has to take this relationship slowly for the moment. When he is ready, we will go on to the next step and see each other more. I know this seems like he's the one in control, but a lot of men just cant cope with it all at once and take it in steps. Depending on how much you want to be with him, give him a chance and keep reassuring yourself that things will improve in time. Hope this helps. xxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008):

I have been through this and I can tell you, he is yanking your chain. He treats you well when he is with you because he is feeding his ego. When you are not with him, he has other things (women) going on. This man is NOT looking for a relationship with you, he is being selfish and taking what he can, that's all.

If you really like this guy, you are in for a heartbreak, I am sorry.

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A female reader, hannah76 United Kingdom +, writes (22 July 2008):

hannah76 agony auntJust to agree with the sisters.....also, let him contact now and let him arrange a next meeting. Let him do all the running but it seems he has someone else I'm afraid.(or just plain rude) Hannah x

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A female reader, BigSis United Kingdom +, writes (22 July 2008):

BigSis agony auntCharmmy... It was quite the opposite for me, but the same results, I'm afraid.

I got all the luvvy~duvvy texts ~ of the "Missing you." and "Wanting you so much." and the "Can't wait to see you, hun", and all the "Mwahs!" ......crap!

He gave me that wonderful feeling of being wanted and needed, he made me feel special, yet I was treated the complete opposite when we were last together.

I felt neglected and used, there was no passion there whatsoever. He made me feel like he couldn't wait to see the back of me when I left. I never got a hug or a kiss when I arrived at his place after not seeing him for 5 weeks, I never even got so much as a 'Thank you for driving 120 miles in 2 hours to come and see me', or 'Drive safely'. My immediate gut instinct was he's being 'serviced' elsewhere.

I think our other Older Sister has it spot on.

It's time WE moved on. I know I am.

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