A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years now. I don't know whether there is something wrong with me because I know he masturbates to pictures of other women and it bothers me. I've talked to him about it before but he just tells me that all men do it and that he doesn't care about those women. I really don't understand why he does it even though he has told me so many times, but I can't stop myself from feeling betrayed and alone. He's not a bad person I just wish I could be able to understand it from his point of view. Does anyone have any advice to give me please. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 September 2009):
 When you say pictures of "other women" do you know these other women or is it just porn? That would make a difference to me. I mean if he wanking to a picture of your next door neighbor is one thing but if it's some porn queen that's another thing entirely.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 September 2009):
It is true, nearly all guys look at porn. Men prefer to be visually stimulated, in the same way that there are a lot of women who prefer erotic stories. However, decent guys will hide this habit so as not to offend the girl in their life! If this guy isn't at least hiding it, move on and find a good guy who shares the same values as you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): A lot of men do this, but the point is you feel hurt by it.He won't change this. My girlfriend's husband does this, and she feels it has ruined her marriage. My x used to do it, and I didn't care or feel threatened by it.Move on to someone who has the same values as you do.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (28 September 2009):
 This question comes up a lot on this site so you should have a read around the topic and look at some of the other answers as they may able to help you. This is what I say every time this question comes up:
Read this - http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/men/why-do-men-watch-porn/v1
That should give you some initial (if basic) insight into why men watch porn.
All men watch porn to some varying degree - some watch it a lot and others go through phases, some only watch it very infrequently. But at the end of the day I think you will struggle to find a man that does not watch porn - pretty much every man on this earth will watch it at some point in their lives.
Now men and women are pretty different in the way their brains behave towards sex. Women have a more emotional connection and they dont need as much visual stimulation as men to get turned on. Whereas men dont have a real emotional connection to sex - it is purely physical and about "getting off". The male sex drive is also much higher than that of a woman, so in your boyfriends case he may watch porn purely because he needs that sexual release a few times a day and you just cannot give him that!
Watching porn is in no way a reflection on his feelings for you - I am sure he loves you, thinks you are gorgeous and loves having sex with you. If given the choice between having sex with you and having sex with a porn-star - he would pick you. These women in porn are fantasy, nothing more. They are an expression of his sexual fantasies and desires, he is basically watching something that turns him on and gives him a sexual release. Just as women might fantasise about George Clooney whilst masturbating, men just watch porn!
I know it is quite hard to understand and from the outsider's perspective, porn looks a bit dirty and seedy, and the women's bodies are all incredible so it is easy for a woman to think "why is he looking at these women when he has me - I dont look like that so is he not attracted to me? Why does he need porn when he has me to have sex with whenever he wants?" I really do get it that you can feel this way but the reality is he is not particularly looking at the women's bodies, it is more the sexual acts taking place. Yes it helps that they are attractive but men are well aware that these images and videos they see are enhanced and airbrushed, it all just adds to this sense of fantasy. He is not looking at that woman thinking "I want sex with her" when he is watching porn, his thoughts will be more along the lines of yes she is attractive but the main turn-on is what that guy is doing to her. He probably thinks while watching it "oh I would love to do that to my girlfriend".
While you may never feel fully comfortable with your boyfriend watching porn, I think you just need to accept that it is part of most men's lives and if you try and stop them, they will just lie about it to you which is worse. Just try to ignore it really - dont think about it. As long as your boyfriend is not watching it every single day to the point of obsession (that is not healthy) and he doesnt watch it when you are there, then it is doing you no harm. I never normally advocate sticking your head in the sand but in this case, just pushing this to the back of your mind and not worrying about it anymore will be the best way to deal with it!
You shouldnt be threatened or upset by porn - it is purely an expression of sexuality used by men to escape into a little fantasy world and "get-off" quickly and easily. It in no way impacts on you and his feelings for you, it is entirely seperate. It is just the same as women having fantasies about male celebrities or using a vibrator to achieve an orgasm - men just need the visual stimulation to achieve the orgasm.
I hope this gives you more of an idea about why men watch porn, and I hope that you can come to terms with it and be ok with it. You dont ever have to approve of it - just know that it makes no difference to your relationship if he watches it and that his feelings for you are in no way affected by watching it. Accepting it will mean that your relationship will be stronger and you will not fight so much over silly issues like this. And you might find that if you are ok with it, the whole "forbidden" element behind it will go away so when he knows you dont care any more, it might not be so exciting to him and he might watch it less!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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