A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I found out my partner had cheated gave him a second chance everything seemed to go well but then I found out he wasn't telling the whole truth of his affair I told him the lies are now worse than the affair, he said he knows that but he didn't want to create further damage and just wanted to try and fix things it's been two years since his affair.I broke up with him but I feel like I've made the wrong decision, he lives with me we have a child together it's not about those things as I do love him just tired of being treated like a doormat.I don't understand why he continues to lie as he's already done the worst thing he could do to me why create further damage??..,,
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2012): You insisted on finding everything out, he said he withheld information from you to prevent further damage being done, yet you're blaming him for creating the further damage?
If you can forgive him, then forgive him. If not, leave, but you can't say you've forgiven him and then keep throwing the past up in his face and bringing more animosity into the relationship.
I don't agree with what he's done, and I totally understand that you're hurt, but if you want this to work you're going to have to forgive and forget I'm afraid...or leave.
Sorry its that black and white really.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2012): When he started lying, he obviously didnt intend causing further damage. As he has said, he was trying to limit the damage. In a messed up way, I can see what he was trying to do. It is quite a common mistake to make and rather cowardly.But he OWES you the truth. Without that, you cant make an informed choice as to whether he is someone you wish to stay with or not. By lying, he has sadly shown himself to be not only incapable of loyalty and faithfulness to you but also, incapable of learning from his mistakes...by continuing to lie to you! He has wasted the last two years in which you could both have been working at repairing things or building a new life apart. The frustration of that is enough to make you want to end things with him and I dont blame you!Maybe now you have parted from him, he might be willing to sit down with you and actually tell you the truth for once. What he feared has already happened, you have left him. So there should be no reason for him to keep lying anymore. Just dont give him any `hints` that you might get back with him or he will probably lie again to try and manipulate you. If you know for sure, he has been faithful for the past two years. He tells the truth now, you actually believe him AND it is something you feel you could both repair, you can always give things another try. But you really need all the facts first, only then can you make the informed choice he has selfishly denied you so far.For my money, any guy who will risk losing you for the chance to mess around with someone else, clearly doesnt value or deserve you at all. But I`m not the one in love with him. If you think you can salvage something with this guy, try asking for the truth now you have parted and take it from there.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 October 2012):
 So,basically, you gave him a second chance and he blew it. Rebuilding trust is not just about abstaining from the physical act of cheating, is also establishing honest and truthful communication, - to put it simply, no more lies. Ever.
He screwed up again. I'd say, enough. A second chance is OK, but if you give him a third, pretty soon you'll have to give him a 4th, a 5th and on and on...He WILL treat you like a doormat, because he knows yu do aact like a doormat and , at the end of the day, you put up with everything. In the name of a kind of " love " that he will maybe enjoy but won't be able to respect.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2012): I really want to say walk away, but the truth is, I don't know the whole situation. I've heard, and believe, that some cheaters may change. It depends on what exactly he's hidden from you. If it's something major, you might not want to give it another go. I deal with this a lot, too... my boyfriend tends to lie about things after I've already caught him. I really don't understand it, but he's probably afraid of your reaction. Some people just think "What she doesn't know can't hurt her", however selfish that may be. Did he prove to you that he's really sorry and regrets it? One thing I remember reading is that if your spouse cheats, they're supposed to be willing to make things right; including gaining your trust back, and they have to regret it as much as you do. Then, with love and patience, you can be happy again. Your answer lies in his actions. Do you feel he genuinely regrets this? If so, I say give it another chance and explain to him that the lying has GOT to stop. If he's not willing to comply, ditch him. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2012): Darling, we all have our own choice. Choice to stay in a rotten relationship that's going nowhere, Choice to stand up and let go of a rotten relationship that's going nowhere.
You know the answer to ur questions. its just that you want to someone to clarify things for you. Do u really have the need to ask how jerky your partner is? You know he is.. You've proven it. He ain't going to change.
that's the way he is. So the question is, are you willing to play his game? If you are, then stay... Trust me, time will come you will also get sick of it, until you'll find your self saying, its enough....Good luck...
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