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age
30-35,
writes: HelloI'm a 34 year old women. I've been with a guy for 13 years.We have struggled with money issues for as long as I can remember and we now have three beautiful children together (a 5yr old, a 3yr old and a 2yr old.)When my 2nd child was on the way he left me, and said he didn't love me anymore, then 2 weeks later he came back. Then a year ago he said the same thing and left.I am currently living upstairs from my parents so I can try to save some money. He is living in a unit by himself and has had a very short relationship with someone else and now he is saying he wants to see if we can find that spark again. He and I have never really argued and he is a fantastic father but I don't know if I should even be considering this optionor not. Should I give him another chance or should I get on with things by myself?
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male
reader, wildman  +, writes (18 June 2008):
 Sounds like he found out the grass was not greener on the other side of the fence. I would have a very serious talk with him and let him know that if he strays again its over forever. Then if you feel like connecting with him again talk about issues he has and you have, make a list of each and talk about what you each will do to satisfy your indiviual needs. good luck
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female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (18 June 2008):
 I read this article about a woman in Austin, Tx who got married young and she and her husband had 6 kids that she raised while he was going through college and law school. They struggled through very hard times and had no money for many many years. When his law practice took off and they finally started to make some really awesome money, he tells her he is leaving her to marry his secretary. She wrote him a note that said she hoped he and his new wife were going to be happy raising 6 children and she left.
She also sued the hell out of him.
This is extreme but you first have to realize, this man cannot up and abandon "family" when the mood strikes him to chase some tail. This is not your best friend and he's not a great dad. What kind of father leaves his kids for some short term sexual excursions? What kind of example are you setting by taking him back? You and your kids don't even have your own place to live but he does?!!! That is so selfish.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi DR Pete
Thanks for putting a spin on my thoughts. You are right, 13 years is a lot of history. Maybe I consider him my best friend !!!!
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male
reader, Dr Pete  + ♥, writes (18 June 2008):
There are worse traits in someone than finding commitment difficult and not being able to live up to the role they are supposed to be.
He has obviously hurt you by leaving you, and there is a chance he will do it again, but the question is, has that stopped you from loving him?
13 years is a lot of history with someone, you say otherwise your relationship was good, and he is a fantastic father.
Ask yourself honestly, is the spark with him still there, or has he pushed you so far away that there will never be a reconciliation.
You know him and your relationship the best, and even if you don't know right away what to do, if you give it a little time, I am sure the right decision will come to you. All the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank You LazyGuy for your advise and I have never looked at the fact that when he left, he was not really doing the good father thing at all.......Thanks again .....
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male
reader, LazyGuy  + ♥, writes (18 June 2008):
 Well you already gave him a second chance before. This is the third chance?
Basically, what is best for the kids? What role model is he providing? Kids grow up to emulate their parents. Is this how you want your sons to behave in the future, do you want your daughters to think this is how marriage is supposed to be?
He is unsure he wants to commit to you and his three kids. Thinking perhaps he could do better alone. You don't have that luxury because you still got three kids to take care off (why do I get the feeling that when he left he didn't take the kids with him to provide for them when he was playing the bachelor?)
On the whole I suggest you stay single. Kids need stability above anything else. He already left twice so it will happen again and this just isn't a stable home life.
Make it clear to him that you and the kids don't need someone who is only there when he feels like it. He already had his chances and blew them.
You say he is a fantastic father. Sorry, no he isn't. Stop making excuses for him. How did your kids feel when left? Is that what a fantastic father does? Is that how your own father behaved?
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