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female
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anonymous
writes: I recently dated someone who was a good bit younger than I. We're both professionals in our 30s. I'm 38. At the beginning of this short relationship, he did say he was reserved and devoted to work. When it came to sex, he always climaxed in under two minutes. the only way to control his climax was during the oral sex I gave him. On top of that, he was a bit unusual 'down there' in that he had a very pointed as opposed to a thick end...again no good to a woman! After this very brief love-making, he would roll off me on to his side of the bed. There was no attempt to hold or kiss me which I found to be very painful. Was this a reflection of his true feelings for me? As he was 30, his erections occured every 10 mins and we would start again. I did suggest that he perform oral sex on me, but he would abandon the task after a minute or two.We are not a couple any more. While I do feel resentment towards him, I also feel some sorrow too. What was wrong with this guy? I was very good to him in the relationship which he appeared to want in the beginning, but then he cooled. Please try to offer me an answer!
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (30 May 2006):
 There could have been lots of reasons why he cooled down, and it really could be that he is so devoted to his work that he doesn't have time for a relationship. Whatever his reasons, you say that the sex life wasn't great and as a comparatively young lady then it should be important that you find a partner who is nice to you, as well as satisfying in the bedroom. You should treat your encounter with this man as nothing more than a fling. You probably didn't do anything wrong at all - maybe he is feeling insecure about this 'bedroom problems'. It is ok to feel resentful towards him, but try not to take it out on other people or become cynical about it. I had a few dodgy boyfriends before I met my husband (and the ex just before my hubby came along was just like the man you describe). I was in danger of becoming a man hater, but I am also grateful to them (in hindsight) because their behaviour was so bad compared to my husband that it makes me act extra nice to him now, and appreciate him a great deal for who he is by contrast! Basically I think when the right man comes along for you, you will come to realise that you werent at fault with this one. Try not to let that resentment eat you up, as this man really doesn't sound worth the effort. Take Care!
A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (30 May 2006):
 Would it be strange to say that he was embarrased ? Whilst he wanted the relationship, he was getting what he wanted out of it so maybe didnt think he needed to make the effort as he was okay. Unless he was very inexperienced as regards to sex and didnt know how to act any differently. Perhaps he hadnt been in such an intimate relationship before, where he had experienced cuddles and the like after sex. Maybe he had never been treated any differently to this so didnt know any better. It is sad in the fact that he couldnt at least try and show some affection. Maybe as you yourself have mentioned his penis isnt the best in the world and maybe at some point or other he has been told this ? and its a complete confidence deflater? Maybe nobody as even tried to look beyond that and build a relationship with him on a higher level and as a consequence he remains slightly intrevert.
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