A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:You may remember me, my husband is cheating on me for the 2nd time. Well he went to the courts and retrieved the divorce papers that I filed and had the clerk to shred them. He says he really want to work it out and that we will go to marrige counseling. But in the back of my mind is a big WHAT IF. What if he does this again, I mean when I sadi I do , I meant it, even though he didn't. I don't want to be the one that couldn't keep her husband. I just want him to see that I am the one for him. I can give him what he wants, if he gives me a chance. We have been married for almost 4 years now and I feel as if I never had a chance to actually show him that yes we can have a child togehter. Yes I had my tubes tied before I met him, but I didn't know that the doctor had tied, burned and clip them. I know that there is a procedure to have them untied, it costs some money, but I just want my husband back. I know that it sounds crazy, but I love my husband, and he knows that I would do just about anything for him. So if it means having the surgery to have my tubes untied, then thats what I'll do. I just love him. No I don't depend on him because I'm a very independent woman, I just don't want to start over, so I'm gonna try to make it work. LOL
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female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (11 March 2009):
 I am happy to hear that you two are going to have some marriage counselling sessions. I sincerely hope that both of you will have all your important issues in this marriage out in the open and discussed thoroughly. This means, reasons why he cheated on you, twice (that you know of). Both of you have to get to the bottom of this.
Like Jessica said, you should not use a child as a reason to keep your marriage together. A marriage should be kept simply because the two of you love, respect, trust, and support each other. These are the basic foundations of a marriage (though I am not married). In fact, this is the basis of human rights actually.
Today/yesterday/tomorow, or this week, or this month, is the Internatinoal Woman's Day. This is the day/week/month that you should be proud of yourself as a woman. as a person, with dignity, pride, confidence, integrity. If he really loves you, he should support you to feel that way. Instead, what he did was abuse you, abuse your trus, your love for him, your self-confidence (when you are with him).
If he really wants a child with you, there are many ways medically that you can still achieve that. Surrogate mother, for instance. Or better still, adoption. If a child is what he needs to keep the bond in a marriage, and respecting you at the same time, a lovely adopted baby is still a child "born out of love" from the both of you, right?
Your tubes tied was before he met you, and he can not and should blame you for not being able to have a child. It is not about him. It is about you. Now is the time that you should be thinking about your future happiness, with or without him.
He chose to hurt you and abuse your trust by cheating you, and has shown you that he is a "repeat offender". Please be strong and leave him. Your "what if" radar is probably working overtime to tell you to do so also.
Hugs,
Cat
A
male
reader, Tewebag +, writes (11 March 2009):
i have to agree with jessica on this one. he has done it twice in four yrs, so he is probley going to do it again so i wouldnt waste time and money on him if he wont do counseling and sex addicts therapy. i wish you good luck on your marraige, but its seriously not worth it if he keeps cheating on you. there are plenty of other guys out there that dont cheat at all and show you the respect that you deserve.
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (11 March 2009):
 Never have a child just to save a marriage.
If he cheated TWICE before, you can put money on him doing it again.
If you really want to make this work, go to couples counseling and get him into sex addiction therapy. If he won't go, then don't waste you time, money, and body on him anymore.
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