A
female
age
51-59,
*arly72
writes:My partner of 9 months regularly looks at porn on the internet. I have accepted this. I have just discovered that last week he joined a 'dogging' website and even uploaded a photo of his erect penis! I am currently receiving treatment for breast cancer and he is supportive. I have confronted him about this and he has begged my forgiveness and told me he has never had sexual contact with another person whilst we've been together. Not sure if I believe him. Scared that if he has, my health may be compromised as I'm currently having chemotherapy. I believe he loves me very much and I need him more than ever. Just not sure what to do. Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007): Carly72,I am really sorry for your situation. But there are many positive sides to your story.First of all, you know about it and you had the courage to confront him with it, so it is all in the open. You have already overcome the biggest hurdle. You have not been judgemental about his looking at porn, but you understood that it was part of him. That is also a good sign. Hold on tight to that relationship of openness, because if he ever feels he has to hide something from you then things will become complicated. If he says he loves you, then believe him.I can tell you about me, but your husband's story is proably different from mine. I also do the same thing - looking at porn and dogging sites - but in secret. I don't want to do it, but cannot help it. My wife, who I love to bits, doesn't know about it. I cannot tell her because I fear that she will not understand and will leave me. One day I am going to have to do something about it, but not today. There is a solution, I know, but I am not yet ready for it. And that solution will involve rigorous and perhaps painful honesty.God bless you both.Kevin
A
female
reader, Carly72 +, writes (6 August 2007):
Carly72 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you so far for your replies. You have helped me believe that he is a good man and to think about things more rationally. Afterall, i do not understand what it is like to see your partner, the one you love go through what I am going through but I can image it must be difficult. Thanks again xxx
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 August 2007):
 I very much sympathize with you, madam. You're going through a lot and you need all the support you can get. Now, I understand he has his preferences, but I find it somewhat wrong that he finds the time to upload pictures of himself. I am not being judgmental of the action in itself; but, I don't like his devoting his mind to more banal affairs.
However, from your words it sounds like he really is supportive. In this case, you should not worry; he'll be there now that you need him.
All the same, I don't like his behavior, either. Maybe he should spend more time with you than with his computer. At least for the time being.
If he won't support you as much as you need, try to find support somewhere else. This is a good place to start. If you need more physical contact, perhaps your family, or a group of patients in chemotherapy, can help you through this.
Don't despair and remember that you have us here to support you.
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A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (5 August 2007):
 Hi there babes,
Your going through a very stressful time in your life I understand that, but if you have spoken to your partner and he has told you he has been faithful then if you truely love him then you have to believe him babes....
He did beg for your forgiveness after all, You believe he loves you so that is a great thing hun....
Try asking him not to go onto these sites whilst your going through treatment and if he can to ie them up for good babes if its up setting so much, if he loves you as much as you think he will as he would not want to loose you....
Good luck with everything babes
Thinking of you and sending you loads of love
Love Donna xx
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