A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am seeing a guy for over a year now and we get on really well, we're attracted to one another, and all is good. But a few months ago, I told him I loved him, and he replied that he thought the love word was overused, and despite being 39, he has never told anyone that he loved them. He has had a few long term relationships and no love in that time. He also doesn't call or text a huge amount, and limits the time we see each other to once or twice a week. I've had a few outbursts, but he always calmly tells me he likes me and likes spending time with me, and does have feelings, just not the love feeling. I do love him, but wonder am I wasting my time? Is he likely to fall in love or are his words and actions a big warning sign to run and revert to my single, stress-free life?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 January 2014):
 The good thing about this man is that he is honest with you and that he is not telling you any lies or leading you on. He is being honest about how he feels and to him this is normal. There are obviously some reasons why he finds it difficult to love someone. Maybe he is scared of getting hurt, maybe he has been hurt in the past or it could be he has just been brought up not to show feelings.
It sounds to me like he is looking for a part time girlfriend and that he is extremely independent and it doesnt look like he is set to change any time soon. Therefore my advice to you would be to sit down and talk with him and tell him how you feel ask him where he sees himself in the future and tell him what you are looking for. Good luck.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 January 2014):
 You can't squeeze blood from a stone. That's a good line I got from another agony uncle. I think a weekend girlfriend is all he can handle. I appreciate him being honest but I don't think he's going to want more than that. Having a companion is nice but you need romance to be satisfied. I don't look at him as a freak or someone to run away from. He lives his life his own way and he could find women who prefers casual dating. Maybe "love" is all an illusion, just chemicals but I find it strange that he never fell in love or even tried once in life. In relationships women see it as all or nothing. He has very clear boundaries and would not fake a relationship just for the sake of fitting in with the rest.
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