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He hurt me so badly and he's still being really cruel, what do I do?

Tagged as: Breaking up, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 January 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 26 January 2008)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My ex and I had been together for three years. We were a perfect fit. For years we were inseperable and I felt like no one in the world understood me like he did. It even went as far as us having our own language. I trusted him, and I have to say I was soooo good to him. He was good to me too, he was a perfect gentleman who made me incredibly happy. About a month and a half ago he started not keeping plans with me, and generally all around being very disrespectful. This was very unlike him so of course it got us into a few arguments, which led to a mutual decision for a few days to "clear our heads" so that we would be fine again. Well, silly me, I didn't know that "clear our heads" meant "I am dating the company skank behind your back and everyone knows now but you". Are you kidding me? Here he was calling me pet names and leading me to think we'd be okay and he's now with the most promiscuos scumbag I've ever met. Even worse, we all work together. He says he wants me to still be in his life, but tonight he crossed the line. I asked him to write me a check for something he broke in my house and when he responded with some brush off answer I said "Whatever makes you happy" to which he responded "I AM happy!". Why after hurting me so badly does he instist on twisting the knife in my back? I have never never ever done anything to hurt him, or make him angry with me. Especially to the point where he would be so cruel. What happened? What did I do to make him so mean? Even worse, he texts and emails me all the time trying to get me to hang out with him and be in his life. Then when I tell him no he tells me I'm being "immature about this". Are you kidding me?

Am I the only one who has been blindsided by something like this? One minute you're both in bliss and the next you're calling off even the prospects of a friendship and hating each other. Is it normal to be so hurt by this? I feel so lost. Not only did I lose my love, I lost the best friend I ever had. Why did he do this? Please help me with this.

View related questions: best friend, text

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (26 January 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntYou need to meet him and have a four eye talk. Find out what is the problem .It is possible that his mind was poisoned by someone .

Anyway , you need to talk to him alone and then decide if the relationship is worth saving or not?

Good Luck!

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A female reader, CaliGurl United States +, writes (24 January 2008):

Yes you need to totally move on from this jerk, and I know that this is soo much easier said than done but you do need to. There's no doubt that you love him very much, and maybe he loved you too at some point. But he does not anymore, no one that truly loves someone else can hurt them and be so comfortable with it. He could have been man enough to tell you this rather than hide behind a "let's clear our heads" excuse! You you obviously have so much love to offer and some other man is going to be lucky one day! And I wouldn't doubt that in a few months that the jerk is going to realize what he had with you and regret it!

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A female reader, A Cappella United States +, writes (24 January 2008):

A Cappella agony auntIf I were you I would cut him off. "What you tolerate becomes your standard." What's to say that the way he's treating you isn't the way it's going to continue? You deserve SO much better.

Cold turkey is the easiest way to help your heart get over him. Tell him that you'd love a cordial working relationship with him, but that anything else isn't going to work for you. Let him call you immature, but we both know that he's trying to have his cake and you too. He's the one who's immature.

The right guy is out there for you hon. Don't be hung up on this guy when he comes. Cut this guy out of your life and don't spare him a second thought.

Good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008):

I'm sorry honey, it just seems that you were in love with a loser - it happens to the best of us.

What have you done to make him so mean? NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. He simply has no decency or morals.

No, you are not being immature about this. If it were me I'd block his number from my phone and talk to my boss about it - maybe ask if you could switch to working in a different placement or office space-away from them, because it's not fair on you that he should parade himself around with her in front of you.

No decent guy would be happy after breaking up from such a long relationship. Even if it wasn't working for him, he still would have happy memories from it and miss being with you.

Him saying that he's happy just means that he's an idiot. And you should go on your way to forgetting him as quickly as possible. Tell him so. Tell him that what he did was immature, twisted and inexcusable - and that you never want to hear from or see him again.

You're just not the type he's looking for obviously. He wants a skank, who doesn't care who's with her or if he loves her or not, she just wants some sex and that's fine with her. You're better than that, but it seems that he's not.

Don't bother worrying about why he did this, or allowing him to tell you that you're not normal or immature for being hurt by it. You're great, and absolutely normal. He's the idiot.

Stay strong honey, and keep to your guns. He's history.


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A female reader, shandygirl United States +, writes (24 January 2008):

shandygirl agony auntI feel for you. I have had that type of thing happen to me too... plenty of times.

It seems to me that you may have no other choice but to move on.

But before you do, give it one last try by talking with him to clarify what is going on. Tell him you still love him, and you don't want to lose him. But you will not tolerate his behavior. You don't deserve being treated like this, honey. No-one does.

Be strong, and remember that for every storm, there is a rainbow. Or, another cliche is "there is a light at the end of the tunnel."

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