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female
,
anonymous
writes: The ultimate dream situation happened to me last night; The bf who dumped me months ago called me, and pretty much told me he still loves me. We hadn't spoken for ages, then i got this phonecall out of the blue saying he saw me walk by at work today and decided it was time he told me everything. Our break up was really wierd, and it was obvious that he was keeping secrets from me. But yesterday He told me he broke up with me because he had got on the wrong side of some guys, and they threatened to kill him and me. So he went into hiding and broke it off with me. I know it sounds really farfetched, but he did disappear for ages shortly after we broke up so his story is kind of backed up. He apologized and then said 'i lo-' then trailed off (i love you)and said 'no i can't say that'. later in the conversation i told him i loved him, but also told him how much he hurt me and that i can't trust him anymore because of the lies and pain he's caused me. then we just talked about nothing and everything for hours, just as we did when we were together and it was amazing. After being extaticly happy for 24 hours, reality is beginning to kick in. What happens now? Do i wait for him to call me again? do i get in touch with him? or should i just stay clear (which is what everyone is suggesting, but is the option i like the least). I guess i've just realised that i have the upper hand here, as i'm at a point where i could choose to move on (something i haven't felt able to do until now) or try to start again with him. Getting back together with him will be going against what my friends and family would like, as they knew how much he hurt me and don't think he's worth it. But he makes me happier than i've ever been in my life when i'm with him. He made it perfectly clear he wanted me too. please help. (sorry this is so long!)
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female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (12 May 2006):
 don't risk it babe he is not worth it iam in the same situtation open your eyes get out now you could do so much better
A
female
reader, cfliberal +, writes (12 May 2006):
I think you could do better than this guy. Most likely he is lying to you about the reason he left. But even if he's not, he's involved with something questionable to say the least. Before you give him another chance, I think you should investigate and find out what really happened. Surely you know some of his friends or coworkers, so that would be a good place to start. Try asking him for more details as well. Your heart and possibly your personal safety are at stake here. Isn't it worth it to check things out before you make a move towards him?
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A
female
reader, Clarey  +, writes (11 May 2006):
 Radiate some positive confidence in yourself and if you want to contact him do it. However, I think what he said does sound far-fetched. How could something he has said or done cause people to say what they did?
Either he knows some very worrying people or he is narcisistic and able to make up some pretty far-fetched stories. They sound rather dramatic don't they? If you must give him another try, if it is even to prove to yourself that he is not worthy, you must set some strong boundaries and be able to give him up for good at the first sign.
Everyone around you has higher hopes for you than you do yourself. It is one thing to almost say you love someone and another to deserve their love. He may be into the challenge of getting you back to hurt you again. There are some people who get their kicks that way. I would say be very careful and look after yourself. You sound lovely and you have already done a lot of work to get over him. It is unlikely that he will change and you may need to prove that to yourself once more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2006): Where do you think you have the upper hand? A guy calls you from out of the blue and has found out he still has a girl waiting for him. Don't do this to yourself. He was just testing the waters. If you want to go against the grain and try to reconnect with him, he will need to rebuild the bond of trust with you and keep the lines of communication open. Don't rush back into this relationship. And one more thing "'i lo-' then trailed off (i love you)and said 'no i can't say that' ...This was a "bait" line.
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A
female
reader, giggles +, writes (11 May 2006):
I think that you need to understand that it is just you and him involved in this whole thing.Although you don't want to upset other people in your life by going back with him you have to realise it is your life in the long run and you should choose what makes you happy.If they care for you they will just have to accept it if you do choose move forward with this relationship.
I will say however that you shouldn't rush back into this, see if he really was being honest with you about his far fetched dissapearence,when you think you love someone you will believe anything they say.give it another try if it's what you want to do but if you have doubts then why move backwards,how do you know he won't do the same thing again.
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