A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Here's my story. I have been with my bf for about 3years, living with him for about two. I'm 30 he's 25.The thing is I truly adore him, but we are not on the same level obviously due to age difference.I just don't feel he's ready for an adult relationship, and I'm wondering when He'll grow up and get it.Also, In the past healthy for our year , I have noticed that if I walk in the room when he is on the computer, He shuts the screen down. So After a while of this going on, I decided to start checking the history. Well turns out he spends alot of time on these gross porn sites. Everything from young to mid aged gilrs, live web cam , Reality type sites where it is actual footage. I think this is unhealthy for our relationship. I don't mind if he wants to watch a porno movie together, but this is going on all the time as soon as I leave, sometimes when I'm in the next room. Then comes to me oh hey look I'm horny, This hurts because It makes me feel like he needs to look as this nasty stuff to be with me. Help!
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female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (28 August 2008):
 Yeah, this same EXACT situation is what brought me to this site originally, months ago. I handled it by discussing my feelings about it to my husband in a non threatning way. I tried to expain to him that he wouldnt appreciate it if I got my sex drive from a different sorce other than him, and it wouldnt be cool with him if I were one of those girls selling myself online, turning on guys who love internet porn. I told him I felt like I wasnt enough for him, and I too enjoy porn very much, and thats why it always baffled me to catch him sneaking the pleasures behind my back, as if I would condemn him to hell or something. My husband may still be doing it, and has gotten better at hiding it, but it isnt reason enough for me to leave him, honestly. We love eachother, he is a great husband and father, and I realize that it is a rediculously common thing for males, so I have adjusted to it, and he has adjusted to making sure I don't have to know about it. I get to tease him about it sometimes, and some nights if I am too tired for making love, I don't feel so bad, because I know he can get off all by himself;) He isnt cheating, he dosnt abuse me, so in perspective, his porn addiction is minor, really. Let him know that it isnt making you feel good, and that it is hurting your self esteem. If it isnt something you can adjust to, you might need to move on, because no matter what you say or do, he will continue to do it, he'll just get better at hiding it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2008): p.s dont tell him he 'cant' watch it cuz then he'll do it behind your back...tell him to keep in mind that while hes watchin it he will be upsetting and makin you feeel degraded....god bless friend x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2008): hey..i doubt its got anything to do with age- im guessin its jus men in general unfortunalty!speeak to him?! tell him u want to watch it tooo..n then sit there insulting the women-also quizz him whilst watchin it..ask him why he likes it? what he likes?...also ask him abt how serious he is....does he want this for real? im guessin afta 3 healthy yrs he does want to be with you-...by the way-often men watchin porn ddoesnt mean they prefer the nasty porno ladys more than you-i think men love porn jus as much as they love sports :s i a really weird way lol...all the best....god bless...friend xx
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