A
female
age
30-35,
*eakknees
writes:dear cupid,i am in love with a guy who is in a relationship and i don't know what to do. we can call him J.we went to high school together and spent the second half of our last year together all the time. we kept in touch during our first year of college by text and on facebook. we established that we both like one another a lot, but always have opposite relationship status'. he had a girlfriend last fall, and within the same time he broke up with her, i started dating another guy. i broke up with that guy in the hopes of finally getting J but that same weekend, J got together with his now girlfriend. we've discussed that we like each other a lot, but he must still like her unlesss he wouldnt still be dating her (it's october now).we hadn't seen eachother since graduating highschool until a few weeks ago (over a year had gone by). i was at a bar and texted him hoping he might be there by chance and he was. i was so happy i could hardly stand up. i thought that the distance between us had possibly caused me to make up how i felt about him. but when i saw him again i knew i loved him. he is so genuine and amazing. we hugged and talked and he bought me a beer and we danced and he met my roommates. i lost him soon after finding him, but i think that this was good because i didn't have a chance to do anything i would regret. i got home that night and sobbed though. i had missed him so much, knew that what i had been feeling all this time was real, and even after all this time i still couldn't have him.i don't know what to do. i told him i would wait for his current relationship to end because the way i feel about other guys i've dated is nothing compared to what i feel for J. i want to explain to him how i feel. but i don't want to ruin his view of me. i don't want him to think that i don't respect that he has a girlfriend at the moment.help me please, im desperate. i love him but don't know what i'm allowed to do about it.
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female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1  +, writes (30 October 2010):
The truth is, he has a girlfriend not a WIFE. Therefore, if you love him as much as you say then stay in his life. Get to know him if you can, on a friendly basis. You have to be able to handle it though. If you think you have a chance with him then why not take it? Im not saying bombard their relationship but be his friend, be there for him, get to know him and if it happens let it happen naturally. Never make him choose, no ultimatums, let everything happen naturally. Why leave and then risk him marrying her? All you are going to wonder is "what if?" At the same time, if he pursues you, let him but do not overwhelm him by coming on strong and pursuing him.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 Ok well hun am afraid to tell you that if he has a girlfriend then he is a no go, dont go near him until he is single. I think you need to be honest with him and tell him that you really like him but that if he is going to stay with his girlfriend that you will stay away.
Hun if he is not willing to break up with his girlfriend then he doesnt feel the same way for you and you need to move on and dont wait around i mean you might wait on holding hope that him and his girlfriend will break up but what if they dont? You will just be prolonging your hurt.
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