A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months now. I am really happy but then comes the jealousy. He has a baby with his ex and I'm so happy for him but when he sees the baby and her, I feel like their old memories are going to come back to light and I'm going to get left with nothing.I don't know what to do, I have spoken to him about it and he says no but I'm really scared. To me he is my one true love and I never want to lose that. Am I being stupid? Will I lose him if i carry on? How can I sort this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): I understand how you feel. Have been in a similar situation myself. You need to think about what is making you jealous. Is it that his behaviour is different with you when he is with her and the child - ie does he ignire you, or still behave like your partner? Is it that they seem like a couple when they are with their child (this can be hard because they share a joint responsibility and know each other well and have a shared interest)? Decide what it is that makes you feel jealous, and then you need to talk to him about it. For all he is a good Dad and has his responsibilities, he needs to make sure that you don't feel uncomfortable and reassure you that he loves you and wants to be with you. Even if he is yours and their relationship is over, there are some women who will be competitive regardless. Try to work out what it is that is making you feel jeaous and talk to him, but if it is something about her behaviour, be tactful, She is the child's Mother so he may get defensive if you criticize her. You don't say if the child comes to you two sometimes, without the Mother being there. Perhaps you could suggest that this happens on alternate times, rather than both of you spending time with the child and it's Mother. And maybe you would like to have a child of your own too?! If so, talk to him and say when you see him being a Dad it makes you want to be a Mum too. If he's the good guy and loves you you will be able to talk to each other and sort this out. You have needs and feelings too and should not be made to feel like a lemon! Hugs xxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008): i dont think you should be so worried.in these situations the guy has to still see his ex from time to time becuz of the child.but that doesnt mean they will fall in love all over again.they broke up for a reason and im sure hes happy with you,he probably hasnt even considered getting back with her.if he gave you reasons to think he wanted her,then i would be worried.but otherwise just push the worrying to the back of your mind for right now.hes doing the right thing by being there for his kid
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (10 October 2008):
 If you cant get your head round this then he's not the guy for you. His ex will be in his life for the next 16 yrs atleast. And he will always have a child with someone else end of.
When you get older it will be more and more likely that someone you meet will already have children, and the childrens other parent shouldn't be an issue. If he ended up going back to her, then he's not the man for you and obviously wasn't ready to move on after her when he got with you in the first place.
But you really have to get used to him having a child with someone else. Not anything you can do about it. He's a responsible father.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, Faybelline +, writes (10 October 2008):
 This guy is clearly a decent guy if he is still spending time with his child despite not being with the mother anymore; a lot of guys I know wouldn't bother.
The fact that he's a decent guy, in this respect, suggests to me that he wouldn't lie to you about it and that he wouldn't be with you if he wanted to be with his ex.
They broke up for a reason and she has to be in his life because of the child and it will be a lot easier if they get on with one another but that doesn't necessarily mean that they will rediscover their feelings for each other.
Are you being stupid? No, I don't think so but if you carry on like this you may push him away and could lose him. I think you need to explain why you find it difficult but remind him that you do trust him and that you support him and love him and will try not to get upset about it.
It's not easy to stop getting upset over things like this, ubt if you carry on then it's not fair on you and it's not fair on him.
Best of Luck :)
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