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female
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anonymous
writes: im going out with fiance for five years we have a 3year old child. when he drinks hes a totally diferent person while out last week we had an argument and he drank so much he just wasnt the same person .he was up at the bar talking to a girl and the next i know hes moving in to kiss her i had to go up and pull them apart he can barely remember but am so hurt dont know what to do i love him and we have a child dont want to throw all that away i need some advice but i just cant stop thinking bout what he did if we get back together dont know if i could trust him again
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2006): Maybe you should get your fiance to stop drinking, maybe by taking him to a therepist
A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (8 February 2006):
 i totally agree with soulsister...this is probably the booze, and he prob was just on a drunken trip to proove whos boss by doing that, or to show/warn you he still can , id insist no more drinking, maybe though if hes normally fine it could prhaps be because of a cocktail of drinks or maybe hed been drinking spirits? think back if there was anything he dosent normally drink ask that he stays of that if he is normally fine.
but like soulsister says , dont let it be your child that keeps you together, you both have one relationship with your child but a separate one with each other , and 1 can work out without the other.
with the trust thing , thats hard, my husband did alot to hurt me when we started out , and 2 years on i am still looking for a way to trust him again , i think once the trust is broken its always gonna be at the back of your mind but it dosent mean the whole relationship is doomed, just concentrate on the future instead
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (8 February 2006):
 Something like this is obviously going to make it hard for you to trust him again but of course it is possible. But I think the main issue here is the drink. I get the impression he's fine without booze so he needs to sort this problem out. When he's sober, I assume you do trust him? The answer here is to tell him to get his boozing under control or you can't make this work.
We all like to go out and have a laugh but it seems he is rather erratically behaved when he's had a drink and you don't need someone like that. He either has to sort himself out or you need to get rid and find a man who can handle his alcohol.
I know you have a child but not being with him doesn't mean he can't be a father to him/her. At the end of the day, the child doesn't need a dad who gets drunk and does stupid things hanging around them does he/she?
You need to talk to him. Give him an ultimatum, he sorts this out or you're walking. Good luck and be strong.
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A
female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (8 February 2006):
 If he doesn't do this kind of stuff while sober, the obvious answer is for him not to drink while out in public, and if he is really a completely different person, maybe he shouldn't drink at all. You were at the bar so it is not as if he was out for a night on the town and was unfaithful, he knew you were there so in his drunken stuper maybe this was his way of showing you just how mad he really was, not a good way, but like you said he was very drunk. I don't know if his actions on that night would be the issue as much as getting the drinking under control, you should never get so drunk that you would be able to forget your fiance and the life you have created. Good luck.
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